[olivacea21]

My 21 yr old son got a dui a year ago, go his license back, now it is suspended because he can't pay the high insurance. He lost his job and has been out of work since the dui. He has gotten in with friends who drink and pop pills. He moved out 3 days ago because I told him I can't handle the drama and his bad choices anymore. Now I'm sick to my stomach worrying about him. He's only 2 blocks down but I'm so scared he'll end up in jail or just continue to keep spiraliing down. I feel so helpless. I can't just stand by and let himself destruct but I don't know what to do.

[massplumber2008]

Hi Olivacea21

I am sorry to hear this for you. I am also sorry that your son has chosen to make the choices he is making.

I wanted to pop in and tell you that at 21 about all you can do is love your son (as it sounds like you do) and let him take the ride he is going to take. Here, you continue to set the example and disapprove of his behavior... about all you can do! You cannot stop his behavior/relationships at this point... no matter how much you want to.

I know it is scary... have kids of my own... but the real answer is to let him do what he needs to do. It is the only way these guys finally grow up.

Some need to fall more than others, but I've noticed that in most cases where kids come from loving homes, they have a tendency to want similar things that they grew up with and eventually work their way back to what has been the "norm" most of their lives.

Be careful when it comes to enabling the poor/bad/irresponsible behavior(s). Do not give your son money, for example, to buy beer/smokes/drugs... ya know? Further, if you do give him money get receipts for everything so that you can be sure he is not using your money for bad things. If he fails to provide a receipt, you don't give him more money.

Finally, push him to get a job... any job is better than no job at all. Here, I have seen that any job seems to elevate the mood across the board, so it really is important to push on this. Remember, even a local temporary employment agency has openings for day labor, right?

Finally, you are not responsible for your son's happiness...he is! Take a deep breath and don't spend time feeling too guilty here... you have already done your job! The rest is up to him, OK?

Mark