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Jess1923 · May 20, 2011, 02:18 AM

Moved to its own thread, and edited.

I'm so scared. I can't even sleep. I'm so embarrassed and feel so confused as to what he wants. My boyfriend told me he loves me and I'm the one, but he's not ready for marriage and the responsibility of being a husband at the time. He says he's a little too immature for it at the time.

In fact, we have 3 months left on the rent and he gave me 4000 bucks and left it at the table. I asked him what this was about, I thought he left it there because he was trying to get out of the lease. He said the only reason he wrote that check out is because he doesn't want to bother with the rent anymore. I believed him.

This all happened last night mind you, he's sleeping next to me and all I want to do is cry my eyes out!! I have been awake since 2am. I can't sleep because I myself am so sad and confused. Bottom line is he said he loves me and is in love with me but just not ready yet for that next step.

Help me. Sincerely, please don't comment if your not going to be. Note, he does everything for me and I know he loves me. I feel it threw me when we are together. My brother see's it. He said just to give it time and not be so close but yet be more distant to him. I don't know what to do.

By the way, he said he picked out a ring, but just too scared to take the plunge.

talaniman · May 20, 2011, 07:54 AM

You don't say how old you are, how long you have been together, all needed facts for good advice. Seems you are taking his reluctance to take it to the next level as a rejection, but may not be the case.

The only advice I can give is to cash the check, put the money in a safe place, and make sure the rent gets paid. Without more info, I cannot offer more, and need to know have you talked about what happens when the lease is up? If not why not?

More info please.

mmresd · May 20, 2011, 02:18 PM

He is just not ready yet, why push him into something he doesn't feel ready for? Let him sort out his feelings and make his decision freely, not putting any pressure on him right now is VERY important. Cold feet maybe.

Good Luck,
Javi

thegreatpoptart · May 20, 2011, 02:39 PM

How do you personally feel about this?

I ask only because, despite his intentions, it may cause regret and dissertation between the two of you no matter what the intentions. A person can only wait so long and sometimes waiting too long does the most damage. Let your intentions known. Tell him you can wait, but understand your own limits. No one can wait forever. Your patience maybe your own destruction. When he's ready, you may have already given up on your own relationship and only be holding on to a shadow.

Be patient, but know your limit. Let him know your thoughts on the subject. Tell him you'll be there. Tell him you love him (if you do), but tell him he has to meet you have way. Take him by the hand and help him understand himself and what he wants. Don't be angry or upset. THIS IS CRUCIAL.

He needs a helping hand to figure out his emotions. If it finally comes to pass to where you no longer feel like you care about the situation then you need to LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. Holding on to something you can only make yourself feel half way connected to is only damaging to you and him.

Once again, support him and help him, but know your own limits. But be honest about them. There is nothing more damaging to a relationship than hiding something.