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kelllybelly95 · May 17, 2011, 10:15 AM

I have 2 children from a previous relationship ages 11 and 8. they have not seen or heard from their dad in almost four years. I am looking to have them adopted by my spouse. At first I would not let their biological father see them because he has problems with drugs and alcohol. He didn't try very hard to see them I only had to say no twice. Now it has been like four years and I want my spouse to adopt them. I need to know if my spouse is able to or do I have to try to find their biological dad to get permission. He hasn't paid any support or had any contact with them or me. Will he be notified that the kids are being adopted? How long does it have to be to be classified as child abandonment?

Synnen · May 17, 2011, 10:27 AM

1. You cannot have a court sever someone else's parental right without PROOF that they are a danger to the child.

2. You cannot have an adoption happen without not only contacting the biological father, but you must get his PERMISSION.

3. Child abandonment is defined as leaving children to fend for themselves without adult supervision---basically, it's when you drop your kids off at preschool or the train station, then disappearing forever. It's NOT leaving your children with a responsible adult who takes care of the children.

If you want your spouse to adopt your children, you need to get a lawyer, get the biological father's permission, and go to court to have it all happen.

PS--I hope you have court ordered child support. If you were silly enough not to pursue that, then you have no leverage to use against the biological father. Often, if they have no contact with the children, they are willing to relinquish parental rights to clear the way for an adoption in order to get out of child support.

kelllybelly95 · May 17, 2011, 10:37 AM

The state has been trying to locate the biological father for 3 years now for child support but is never able to. He doesn't work. He has no known address. He will not freely give up his rights because he wants to hurt me. I don't know what to do next.

Synnen · May 17, 2011, 10:47 AM

What you do next is get a lawyer.

It's possible to do much of what you need to do through publication.

However--if it is NOT done EXACTLY the way it needs to be done in your state, the biological father can come back and overturn the adoption--and you don't want that.

Get a lawyer.

AK lawyer · May 17, 2011, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

...
2. You cannot have an adoption happen without not only contacting the biological father, but you must get his PERMISSION.
...

Or, depending on what state you are in, get the court to find that the statutory criteria for abandonmnent have been met and thereby dispense with permission. But you still have to give him "notice" (Publication isn't actual notice usually, but if it's allowed it will suffice.)