[JoeSwede]

The girl I'm seeing has told me that she is infatuated in me but doesn't know if she can fall in love with me. (Big difference between being in love and infatuated).

I'm not sure what I want, less than a year ago I had been dumped after having a relationship lasting 4,5 yr. Thanks to this place I've gotten along real strong and have been dating quite a few women since then.

This particular girl I've been seeing for 3 months now since februari.
I really appreciate what we have and like I said I don't know what I want with her in the future right now. A relationship is of course something I know I want to have later on, I just don't know with whom I want it. It could be her, but she seems to have closed that door.

I'm 25 yrs old by the way, with a great job and an otherwise great life situation. We have lots of fun and she is probably the most fun, outgoing and honest person I've gotten to know so far. She just turned 26.
Also we talk A LOT and I know just about everything about her and her friends/family (who I haven't yet met. Is this weird?).

Any input would be great to hear!

[amicon]

I think you enjoy what you have,at this moment in time,and see how it goes.

There's no hurry,is there?

Talking a lot is part of, hopefully,getting to know each other.

[Jake2008]

It sounds like an exclusive relationship, but, one that you don't know where it is heading.

The beginning of a new relationship is an investment. Like any other investment, you learn about each other. Compatibility, ability to communicate, needs and wants, likes and dislikes; essentially each of you learn about eachothers lives, and figure out if you are both on the same page for a longer term commitment.

When you go from the initial getting to know you part, to the questions of a longer term relationship happens at different stages. While you may be ready now, she is not. This is where you begin to evaluate if there is a future, and whether you wish to invest any more of yourself in a relationship that may not end up where you want it to be.

You are wise to think about this situation. You may go on for another year, or five years, and she may be in the same position of not being in love with you or willing to plan a life together, where you have been waiting (and ready) to do so for a long time.

What is her investment in you, and where will it likely proceed. At some point, maybe in a few more months from now, you will have to learn whether you are going to be able to settle for essentially what you have now, if she chooses the relationship to remain as it is, without further commitment.

So, the most important thing in my opinion is to express your concerns, and communicate with her about how you feel about the relationship itself. Don't be afraid to tell her in a gentle way that while you love her company and are perfectly happy right now, that at some point in the future, you will want more. Give her time, but also let her know that the relationship is not entirely on her terms, and you expect that there is either going to be a commitment, or there won't be, to a bigger, longer term investment.

If you don't have expectations for yourself, and your own life, your future will be steered by somebody else. If you settle, or if you say nothing and hope for the best, say, six months from now, you may be very disappointed if she is still unprepared to move the relationship along to something more permanent.

Moving slowly is one thing, but not moving at all, is something quite different.

[I wish]

Every relationship has risk involved. Even if she did tell you that she thinks that she can fall in love with you eventually, there's no guarantee of that either.

I think the most important part is whether you are happy right now. If you are happy now, then there's hope for the future as you get to know each other better. You've only been dating for 3 months, a lot can happen in the coming months as you get to know each other better.

Bottom line, if you're not happy now, then reconsider the relationship. If you're happy, then stay happy!

[smoothy]

Infatuation is based on initial impressions and gut feelings...

It happens in the snap of the fingers.

Love however takes time to grow, and is based on things a lot more substantial that take time to learn.

Just remember not all relationships work out... and for good reason.

But the only sure fire thing you can count on... is you will never have a relationship or a future with a women you never date in the first place.

All the best rewards come with a lot of risk to navigate first.

[Cat1864]

It sounds like you are both in the same place and being honest with each other. Keep communicating and being honest.

If you are worrying about her feelings when you say that you aren't certain about your own, then either some part of you already knows you want more with her or you are looking for problems that would give you an out before you come close to getting hurt.

Why not enjoy what you have and let it develop at its own pace? At three months, about the only thing you should be certain of is that you want to see her again and that you like getting to know her.

Have fun.