[magicgb77]

I did not mean to write this, but since it won't let me erase ILl ask the question. I was trying to search for answers rather then ask.

I have a very healthy sex drive and with my boyfriend I do not mind experimenting. I will try anything once ( almost anything), and if we like it, great. However I am always nervous to be the one on top. This is not just with my current Boyfriend but with past BF's as well. With my current BF we have a very strong/trusting relationship.. we can talk about anything. I just get so nervous that I can't do the job on top. Therefor the whole time I am worrying and not able to reach climax because my brain is going a mile a minute about being on top. I know that when I have been on top in the past.. it feels good to me. Yet I am always worried about him and if it feels good to him.. that I just loose my groove.. so to speak ( even if he tells me it does feel good). I am just not quite sure how to over come this.. I have tried but now it is really starting to bother me. Has anyone else been I this circumstance, and if so how do you overcome it?
I am 25 years old ( I am a little embarressed to ask this question at my age !).

[Alty]

Due to posting restrictions on this forum we first have to ask your age before we can respond.

[magicgb77]

Due to posting restrictions on this forum we first have to ask your age before we can respond.

I am 25 yrs old ( a little embarrassed for my question at my age )

[Wondergirl]

It sounds like your plate is very full when you're on top: you consider it a "job," you worry about not reaching climax, your brain is going a mile a minute, you worry about him and how it's all working for him.

First of all, relax and enjoy the fun of being on top and being able to control your movements and his reactions to them (and don't worry about him -- his pleasure is a given).

What is he doing meanwhile? Aren't his hands free and your body parts accessible to them? Aha! Aren't YOUR hands free and your body parts accessible to them? That's more of the joy of woman-on-top, that both partners can touch and stimulate and tease and gently squeeze and stroke HER.

[Alty]

I am 25 yrs old ( a little embarrassed for my question at my age )

No need to be embarrassed. People of all ages have issues that they can't resolve. Age doesn't make them magically disappear.

It sounds like you enjoy being on top, when you let yourself enjoy it.

I have to ask. Did something happen once to make you feel this way? Did you have a bad experience that's now clouding every other experience when you're on top?

The fact is, not everyone likes every position in sex. Some women prefer missionary position only. Some men hate a girl being on top. It does have a lot to do with preference, but I'm getting the feeling from your post that this isn't necessarily a matter of you not liking being on top, it's more to do with your anxiety about it.

Have you ever considered talking to a sex therapist about this? I think you'd get a lot out of it. You may never be able to fully relax and enjoy being on top, but you may get a few answers as to why it makes you so nervous.

[magicgb77]

Thank you both for your answers. You are right.. I am making it be a job. I do have high anxiety about being on top. I don't remember any bad experiences. After reading both responses I sat a thought about it for a while. I know that I can "do a good job" pleasing both of us if I do relax. Yet I don't know how to get my mind to the relaxing place. I know that I always think to myself " oh I hope I don't do anything stupid.. I hope that he likes it.. I don't want HIM to think I don't know what I am doing....". He has never said that and he always tries hard to make me feel comfortable.. he doesn't even make me go on top if I don't want to. The thing is.. I want to. I guess it is something psychological that I have to overcome. I did at a younger age get pressured into sex.. in which I got totally taken advantage of b y the guy and treated like meat. I don't remember him making me feel bad, yet I do remember him just saying everything to his friends and treating me badly. I don't know how that would affect me being on top but maybe? I will have to look into that more.

[Enigma1999]

I would just stop trying to put so much thought into it and go with it...

It does sound like you two do have an open relationship, perhaps you should communicate your feelings to him and see what he has to say.

Odds are, he does like it.

Relax.

Good luck.

[SweetDee]

I don't always give the popular answer but here goes anyway...

I agree with every members point of view, let me say that first. There wasn't one point any of them made that I didn't agree with.

Having said all that they have... here is one other little tid bit I would add... (however this would ONLY APPLY if you're not on top enough to mess with your sexual pleasure as a whole). In the times that you are on top and over thinking and mulling over his enjoyment... why not either do that for a limited time so he can get that experience and enjoyment and then after a few minutes switch positions so you can get back into YOUR groove. Or how 'bout assume that position for the sole purpose of giving rather than receiving and chase your orgasm the next time..

... Of course I want to reiterate what the other members said. This is purely an answer that deals with spinning a solution to the physical act as alternatives. ;)

Hope this is useful to you.

[Cat1864]

I know that I always think to myself " oh I hope I don't do anything stupid.. I hope that he likes it.. I don't want HIM to think I don't know what I am doing....".

This is where communication comes in. You can't know what you are doing right unless he tells you. It's just like you telling him when it feels best or when he hits a sore spot.

Perhaps talking to each other might help you keep your thoughts from becoming a distraction. Having him tell you what feels good or you telling him what you are thinking and feeling can help keep thoughts focused on pleasure rather than jumping around trying to figure out what's next.

Remember that it doesn't have to be serious. (Laughter and chuckling can cause some very interesting sensations.) Play around. Experiment. Tease. Make it about prolonging the act rather than trying to climax.

[smoothy]

Speaking as a guy...

We just LOVE it when she is on top. Our hands are free to explore rather than just keeping us from crushing you.

And trust me... there isn't a lot to do wrong on your part... and if you do those few things... you will know or we with tell you in a big hurry, otherwise, you really can assume we are really quite happy and you are doing it right.

Just relax, and enjoy the moment. Trust me as a guy, We are.

[Alty]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to smoothy again.

I know it's sometimes hard to relax, but you two are a couple, and communication is part of being a couple. Have you talked to him about how you feel? Have you asked him what he thinks about you being on top?

Sex talk shouldn't be taboo between lovers. In fact, sex talk is a must if you're going to stay partners. Sometimes talking about what you like, don't like, are worried about, or just plain hate, can lead to the best experiences you'll ever have.

Tell him how you feel. What do you have to lose?

[jn909]

This may even mean you get used to being on top, and realising he enjoys it, you enjoy it and its alll good! Take little steps and in no time you will be a true cowgirl ;)! Take care xx