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confussed_man · Apr 23, 2011, 03:53 PM

Entire story merged again, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread

OK, this girl and I have been flirting and are really close. But she has a boyfriend, and I told her I liked her, and she didn't speak to me for a week. But then she started flirting with me again. And we're really close. I normally start the convosations, but she replies quickly with long answers and keeps it going. Her and her boyfriend have been together for almost a year. Ok, basically does she like me.

Cat1864 · Apr 23, 2011, 04:18 PM

I can't tell you what her feeling are, but I can say that I think you need to steer clear of her. At best she is just being friendly. However, she is not thinking about what is best for you. At worst, she likes the attention she is getting from both you and her boyfriend and is playing games with your feelings on purpose.

She has a boyfriend. Leave her alone to sort out her relationship.

Stop confusing yourself over this person and find a female who is available to start a relationship with you.

DoulaLC · Apr 23, 2011, 04:26 PM

She may like you, she may just like flirting, but she is not available to be with you. I agree with Cat, steer clear and protect your heart.

Think of it this way... would you want your girlfriend to behave with someone else the way she behaves with you?

confussed_man · Apr 24, 2011, 07:36 AM

Yeah, I take your piont. I'll leave her alone. Thanks for the help

talaniman · Apr 24, 2011, 07:55 AM

She may like you as a friend, but not as a boyfriend.

I told her I liked her, and she didn't speak to me for a week.

That's a strong hint she doesn't want to hear that kind of talk from you, so don't go there.

friend4u178 · Apr 24, 2011, 04:31 PM

Even if she does like you it could be that she's keeping you as a back up in case something goes wrong with her BF. Therefore replying to keep your interest.

You don't want to be someone's back up do you ;)

confussed_man · Apr 27, 2011, 10:22 AM

Ok, there's this girl. Me and her flirt(I don't think she meance to, she is just playful with her close friends) and where SUPER close, but she has a boyfriend, and it's unfair on her and her boyfriend for me to keep having feelings for her. She's know I have feelings for her for months but where still close friends. I beileve she doesn't feel the same for me (otherwise she would have told me in the last two months) as I do for her, but she and I are the best of friends.I don't want to lose the friendship over this, so I really need to get over her. She is almost perfect she has my sense of humor, she's nice, considerate and is beautiful. How do I get over her and stay close friends? She has no faults really, and even the onces I can find don't bother me at all. Please help
p.s. sorry if this is a long read :)

amicon · Apr 27, 2011, 11:07 AM

If she knows you have feelings for her and still flirts with you,thus giving you some kind of false hope,I think she's overstepping the line-that's not what you do.

It seems to me that she enjoys the attention from other guys,whilst she can always refer to having a boyfriend-not cool.

I wonder if she is as nice as you seem to think...

Step back and find better friends-she's trouble.

confussed_man · Apr 27, 2011, 11:17 AM

She is nice, she is just playful with all her friends she jokingly prods her friends and is quiet touchy with them too, I don't think she's doing it on purpose.btw I'm her only other close male friend (excluding her bf) so I don't think she takes it as flirting even though it is. I do want to keep the friendship, we where friends before this so I don't want to lose the friendship at least. The question was how do I get over her, while not having to stop being friends?
I do understand what you mean, I just describe her badly, she is not like that and is very kind to everyone. I think it might be me reading into it too much as well as her being a little touchy feely with everyone. Thanks, but I do want to stay friends with her :)

ken007nielsen · Apr 27, 2011, 12:34 PM

Then it's up to you, set up some boundries you want her to follow, i.e no touching etc. All the little things that SHE does to make you think she want's you - they need to stop.. Now if that doesent work for you, it's time to stop being her friend!

I wish · Apr 27, 2011, 12:38 PM

Here's a guideline for you: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ip-463250.html

She already knows how you feel, so as you know, the ball is on your side of the court.

It's not easy to be friends when you still have feelings for her. So the way to be friends is to stop having feelings, otherwise, you're hanging on to a lot of false hope and setting yourself up for disappointment.

Unfortunately, the best option for you might be to distance yourself from her until your feelings have gone away before you start being friends again.

confussed_man · Apr 29, 2011, 08:45 AM

Ok, me and this girl we're frineds and months ago she broke up with her boyfriend. She knew I thought he wasn't good for her, he cheated, he didn't call her, he did things in front of her ,like smoke, that she asked him to just do away from her.I called to see if she was OK, and we'd been fighting a lot, and she told me to not talk to her and leave her alone. I did, I though she'd come to me and make up if she wanted to. After a few months she came and started talking to me again, we haven't spoken much and she then turns round and told me I was beening horrible, I'd not been speaking to her, and she hated me for getting so close and then suddenly not talking to her. I exsplianed I was waiting for her to talk to me, all our mutall friends where there, and she just got more annoyed (not my best idear) but she said she'd been trying to talk to me for the last month
Basically I'd like to know if she's going to get over it, and I should try and be friends, or if I should just leave her to it and give up.

sharper11 · Apr 29, 2011, 08:59 AM

It sounds like she is taking whatever confusion and anger that she had over her relationship and throwing it all at you.

You should be confused as to why she is acting the way she is, based on the information you provided. If she asked you to go away, and you went away, what's the problem. I'm almost certain this will eventually blow over and she'll be fine.

You may want to talk to her 1-on-1 just to get it out in the open. Break-ups do weird things to people, don't let her bother you too much. If you want to remain friends, simply talking about it should suffice.

talaniman · Apr 29, 2011, 09:14 AM

Threads merged

Take the hint my friend, and forget the romance or even friendship and back off and leave this female alone. She needs time and space to deal with whatever she is going through, and you have to be man enough to let her. Terrible as it will be.

confussed_man · Apr 29, 2011, 09:18 AM

I did, I left her to do what ever she wanted too, she then had a go at me for not talking to her. And said she'd wanted too, even though she told me to go away, that's what confussed me

talaniman · Apr 29, 2011, 10:34 AM

Its one thing to be confused, its quite another to be confused about what you do about it.

Just me, I leave confused people alone and if they get nasty about it, as your female friend is, then I would certainly tell her you aren't a mind reader!

Backing off gives them the benefit of a doubt they may be angry, or stressed over things you might not be aware of, and are just lashing out. While its easy to take things personally, don't, you only undermine your own confidence. Sure you may have your own feelings to deal with, we all do, so don't add to it the uncertain, and unsure feelings of another in the mix, then you really will be as confused as they are and that's not a good thing.

Why should you bear the brunt of her lack of proper communications?

confussed_man · Apr 29, 2011, 10:42 AM

Thanks, I did ask her what I did (texted her), and she didn't respond. I would have ask her then, but I didn't want to embarris her or make it worse. She has a boyfriend now and we where speaking only a few days before this about him, it's one of the reasons I'm confussed. If she doesn't respond should I just give up on the friendship?

talaniman · Apr 29, 2011, 11:41 AM

Back up and leave her alone! She may get over it, she may not. But for sure you shouldn't force anything. Just do your own thing, and leave hers alone.

confussed_man · May 13, 2011, 09:16 AM

OK, me and my friend (who's a girl) where texting each other every day. We where best friends and told each other everything. A few months ago I told her I had feelings for her, but we kept texting and talking, just as much. Since then I've help her through argument with her boyfriend and one of her best friends. We where talking and we have good convosation and if I didn't text her, she'd text me or would ask me the next day why I hadn't text her. Then about a week ago she didn't respond to my text, I just thought she was bussie. A few days later I texted her and again no response. She stopped talking to me and when I'm around at school she looks at me like she's embarrissed that I'm there. It's been two weeks and we haven't spoken. I haven't done anything to her. Any thoughts?

I wish · May 13, 2011, 09:40 AM

This has been dragging out for a long time now. She already knows how you feel. If she wanted something to happen, she would have let you know by now, instead of leaving you hanging out to dry.

It's time to accept her decision and move on. As for being friends, that will happen naturally. If you were meant to be friends, you would find each other. If she's keeping her distance from you, there must be a reason. I understand that it's difficult to accept because you don't really know her reason. Unfortunately, you may never know her reason, you can only accept that she wants to keep some distance from you.

But you can be sure, because you've already made attempts to contact her, she would find you if she wanted to talk or see you again.