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needhelp0101 · May 12, 2011, 05:37 AM

What should I do about my husdand I seen him wearing ladys underwear is he gay?? What should I do

CravenMorhead · May 12, 2011, 06:37 AM

He is not gay. The best way to figure out if your husband is gay is to catch him with another man in a compromising position. A persons sexuality is a spectrum; no one person is completely straight or completely gay. Wearing women's underwear isn't a measure of this.

What you have found is that your husband has a bit of a liking of ladies underwear. I would probably label this as a bit of a fetish but not a huge one. He is probably experimenting with what turns him on and what gives him the seed for fantasy. This is relatively benign consider the full host of fetishes.

What I want to emphasis here is that this isn't a big nor serious. Unless he takes this further and is dressing in woman's clothes. Even then it isn't that big of a deal.

What you need to do is sit him down and talk to him about this. First you need to accept that your husband is this way. Then you need to assure him that this isn't a bad thing. Figure out far this goes. Is it just wearing female's underwear or is full on dressing as a female and acquiring a female persona.

Regardless talk to him. You just found out something startling but all together minor about him. He isn't a deviant or pervert and most of all he isn't gay.

Good luck!

JudyKayTee · May 12, 2011, 07:05 AM

You could always talk to him, ask him... why.

smoothy · May 12, 2011, 07:30 AM

There are guys that like this... statistically, fewer fewer cross dressers are gay than in an average cross section of the public ( read that someplace but don't know where). True its not everyone's "thing" or even most people.

So that should put your mind to rest. The desire to wear frilly underwear does not equal a desire to play the skin flute.

Talk to him about it... sure he might be embarrassed. But if you don't start accusing and putting him on a defensive... he would likely tell you as much. The average guy will be offended if you accuse him of being gay... just as the average women would be if accused of being a muff diver. Just tossed that out as an example of having to use care in what you ask and how you ask it.

needhelp0101 · May 12, 2011, 12:46 PM

He is a 48 yo big strong man and can't get my head round what I saw him standing there in bra and panties

needhelp0101 · May 12, 2011, 12:49 PM

We talked he says he is not gay and just likes the feel of the soft silk and lace on his skin

smoothy · May 12, 2011, 03:13 PM

Not for nuthin... but try searching on eBay for mens underwear.

You can get real mens underwear in other materials than the "Tighty Whitey" cotton knit that's durable enough to last years and almost heavy enough to make children's clothing from. And in styles you would expect a lumberjack to wear (not the ones of Monty Python fame) to things no self respecting straight guy would go near, and everything in between. Maybe there is a compromise between the materials he likes and the styles you can deal with. Without him raiding your panty drawer. Its worth a shot.

excon · May 12, 2011, 03:17 PM

Hello need:

Have you ever worn a mans shirt? How about mens Levi's? Do you ever put on your husbands bathrobe? I'm just saying..

excon

JudyKayTee · May 12, 2011, 03:20 PM

Why would anyone who doesn't HAVE to wear a bra WANT to wear a bra?

I'm just sayin'.

Synnen · May 12, 2011, 03:22 PM

Got to spread the rep, but I'm with Judy on this one.

I do know that wearing women's underwear is a pretty well-known fetish, and it has NOTHING to do with being gay.

smoothy · May 12, 2011, 03:23 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Why would anyone who doesn't HAVE to wear a bra WANT to wear a bra?

I'm just sayin'.

If he's wearing a bra too... then my previous post might be irrelevant. I assumed it was just the panties. I can't think of a reason for that.

JudyKayTee · May 12, 2011, 03:26 PM

Now it's your turn. (he is a 48 yo big strong man and can't get my head round what I saw him standing there in bra and panties)

I wonder where he GOT the bra - okay, panties stretch. Bras? Not so much.

Cat1864 · May 12, 2011, 04:51 PM

I agree it is a fairly commonplace and normal fetish. Even the bra. Though I too don't understand why anyone would want to wear one if she/he didn't have to.

Is it the shock or the concept that is causing you to have issues thinking about it? If it is the shock, give it time to wear off and then think about it.

If it is the concept, this is the same man you have been married to and loved for however long.

Does he normally hide his feelings or try to present a very masculine image to others? He may be looking for a way to be less macho. To take a step back from being the big strong man.

Keep communicating with him and together you can find compromises on how he can enjoy his fetish without impacting you too much. I am sure he is probably both embarrassed and relieved (if this has been going on for awhile) to have this out in the open.

Fr_Chuck · May 12, 2011, 07:23 PM

Wearing women underwear does not mean he is gay ( not at all) Gay men don't normally do that. Wishing to wear it, is a different fetish, many people ( almost most) have some fetish of some sort. From underwear of the other person,
*** you know a women wearing the mans briefs is thought of as quite or sexy, They show a women wearing the mans shirt if she misses him ( on TV)

It means he enjoys dress up. There is a whole list of famous men who does this.

Alty · May 12, 2011, 08:20 PM

I agree with everyone else. This is a fetish. It has nothing to do with being gay.

He just likes the feel, or the sexiness of your undies.

I don't know why anyone would wear a bra if they didn't have to, but hey, to each their own. :)

needhelp0101 · May 12, 2011, 11:28 PM

He has all types of underwear panties , bras (that fits him) stockings , camis , and teddys quite a lot maybe 25/30 items I am feeling sick to the bottom of my stomic don't know what to do or even if I want to be with him anymore can't get the picture of him dressed like a woman out of my mind

smoothy · May 13, 2011, 04:35 AM

Well, like we said... its all but certain he isn't re-enacting butt pirates of the Pacific. SO while it may be quite shocking to you... its not dangerous.. and its not a sign he prefers sausages to tacos.

Cat1864 · May 13, 2011, 04:53 AM

How long have you been together and how long have you been married?

How long ago did you see catch him?

Has he told you how long his cross dressing has been going on?

Can you put into words what disturbs you the most about seeing him in a bra and panties? Is it the clothing or is there an element of feeling like you don't know him?

Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling with him to try to work through this as a couple?

JudyKayTee · May 13, 2011, 04:57 AM

I would wonder if "he's" tired of keeping this activity, whatever it is, a secret and allowed his wife to see him in order to bring the situation into discussion.

excon · May 13, 2011, 05:21 AM

Hello Judy:

I would wonder how he hid ALL those unmentionables from his wife.

excon