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darlamae · May 10, 2011, 03:02 AM

I need help! I'm dealing with depression & I have it under control. I take 150 mg of Effexor. I can't sleep. I recently lost my dad to a head injury. I watched him die in hospital. I feel my chest just bursting, keep on beating fast. I have a two-year old son to take care of. I also am not getting along with my older sister & only brother because they think I was there for funeral for money even though my dad didn't even have a dime on him. I went up north to see my dad pass away with the last of my money. They don't understand!

JudyKayTee · May 10, 2011, 04:45 AM

Is the prescription for Effexor new or something you've been taking?

Grief is a very difficult thing to understand and watching someone you love die is terrible and haunting. I am a widow and I replay that time of life over and over again. It's easy to tell you you have to move on; it's difficult to actually move on.

Your responsibility right now is to your son. I realize you know that but you must focus on him. You can honor your father and the relationship you had by raising your son to be well adjusted, happy, successful in whatever it is he chooses to do. He can be a living testament to your father.

As far as your brother and sister, grief (and any type of strife) often pull people apart instead of bringing them together. They may never understand your situation OR it may be easier for them to be angry with you than to realize they are grieving. This choice is obviously very hard on you because you are already suffering but they don't see that. Lashing out is not uncommon in these situations.

You also have to take care of yourself. You need to do whatever that takes - therapy, just talking to friends, perhaps some quiet time for yourself, perhaps walking to burn off energy, eating properly.

And I promise you it will get better. It just takes time. (I didn't believe that either and I'm sure you don't.)

And when things are difficult look in your son's eyes and remember - he is part of your father.

darlamae · May 10, 2011, 04:40 PM

Thank you for putting it into perspective! I have been on Effexor for a better of a year now. I'm used to taking meds for my depression, I have had it for 12 years. I will remember what you said about letting go & just take care of my son. He's the most beautiful boy! I love him so much! I was referred to a grief counsellor, who I will start seeing next week. Hopefully, that will help!

JudyKayTee · May 11, 2011, 05:38 AM

Come back and let us know how you are doing. You will go through highs and lows. Grief is an odd, terrible "ride" and no two people handle it, experience it the same way.

It's good that you are taking steps to make things better.

Do you see your father in your son?

joypulv · May 13, 2011, 12:40 PM

One thing you can do at night when you can't sleep is write - perhaps letters to your brother and sister, but never mail them, at least not unless you've kept them for weeks first. Pour out your hurt in them (which I'm sure turned into some anger at them for not understanding).

Grief for someone you loved without reservation or mixed emotions should follow a path with a good resolution, whether it takes longer for some people than others. It's when other situations and feelings (such as the accusations about money) cloud the grief that it gets bogged down in long term depression.