[ooo16512]

For 4 months I've been chatting online with a man who lives 2 hours away. A month ago he asked me out and we agreed to give a relationship a try. Due to scheduling conflicts on both sides, our date was set for this Saturday, May 14. The plan was for him to come to my city. After that, we had a few nice chats before our last chat of April 20. He initiated the chat with a comment about not having heard from me in a week. The chat was really sweet though and ended really well. After that he disappeared! I sent him IMs the next week and for the first time he stopped responding to them. I sent him an e-mail and it was returned saying the account no longer exists. We met through an online dating service and he had taken his profile down. Yesterday I saw that he had put it back up. I sent him an e-mail asking whether he still wants to meet and asked him to call me. I can see that he's read the e-mails, but he hasn't responded at all, not even to say he has changed his mind about meeting. Had I not found him back on the dating site, I would have assumed he'd met someone else, but now I'm completely confused about what's happened. I'm assuming he's cancelled the date by refusing to respond to my e-mails or request that he call me, but I have no idea why. I really miss him and want to know what's happened. WHAT CAN OR SHOULD I DO? CAN THIS BE SAVED?

[J_9]

Leave it alone and move on. It's crystal clear that he is no longer interested.

[mmresd]

Can what be saved? The online chatting with a complete stranger that you found in a dating site? Why would that have enough value for you to want to "save" it? For all you know, maybe his wife found out that he wasa messing around online and decided to tell him to quit playing. Go out and meet people in real life, so that you can really see how they are. Also, stop obsessing so much for someone you meet through something made of plastic.

Good Luck,
Javi

[Fr_Chuck]

There are 100's of maybe's.

First you realise that so many on dating sites are not really looking for dates.

A large number are married,
A large number are not who they say or even the right photo, they run from old men who love just to flirt or chat with younger girls, to pre teens and teens who love to flirt with older women.

Then you have that group that are just looking to "score" and get lucky, and then move on.

And why did he even take his profile down to start with, you all were just "chatting" he would and should have been free to chat with dozens of others who were maybe's.

How often did you talk on the phone ? Did you even after 4 months have his cell phone number, his home address

[amicon]

There's nothing to be saved-you're not in a relationship with someone you've talked to online for a short time

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

[Jake2008]

I think he's very rude.

But what probably happened is that because he was on a dating site, he likely had more than one woman going at a time.

It is apparently polite and accepted practise that when you do make a connection in a dating site, the profiles are de-activated. That he stopped communicating and his profile is back up again, he's still playing the game.

He also deactivated an email account, and my guess is has plenty of email accounts. Clearly he has dumped you.

You sound new to these dating sites. The most important thing to be is cautious. When signs are clearly evident, such as what he has done to you, don't waste any time figuring out why.

Move on and forget about him.

[HistorianChick]

You DO know that hundreds of thousands of successful marriages/relationships are started online, don't you? Today's world is very different from yesterday's--online is the "new dating frontier." It's very judgmental of you to treat the OP this way. Answer the question, don't pass judgment on the methods she chooses to meet people.

[HistorianChick]

Honestly, in my opinion, you need to keep your plans to have an awesome day out on Saturday, no matter what.

Today's dating world has changed so drastically--it's not always the case where you meet people in casual, everyday life. Some of my best friends have met online and are married or are getting married. Online dating is a new frontier. It is almost (almost!) reminiscent of days-gone-by when people got to know people through letters and written communication.

Written communication can sometimes be deeper than face to face. People write from their heart, you get to know what they're thinking through reading their thoughts.

That being said, people that are trying to take advantage of someone can write eloquent speeches of grand gestures... gestures that are only meant to give their ego a boost, no matter the cost to the emotions of the other person.

Wow - that was a long diatribe, wasn't it!

All that to say, please enjoy your day. Don't let this loser's lack of communication/lack of character spoil your fun plans. Go out to eat, take a walk, enjoy life... He's a loser, but you don't have to lose out!

[I wish]

The sad part is that 4 months of communcation, then ziltch.

But actions speak louder than words.

He's probably not one for confrontation. I don't think he wants to outright tell you that he changed his mind. But you can be sure that if he was serious about this date, he would not leaving you hanging like this. His silence is his form of rejection.

[talaniman]

Forget him, and maybe the next stranger you chat with won't be so strange.

[ooo16512]

NEWSFLASH/UPDATE: I finally received communication - an email stating "This weekend isn't going to work unfortunately. Let's chat soon and come up with a time that does. :)"

Thank goodness I already made a dinner date with another man so I won't be home thinking about this. I do intend to leave it alone, but I'd love any further feedback anyone has to offer. Your comments are helpful. Thanks!

[amicon]

I can't offer anything useful;good you're going out with somebody else-this guy's playing games-just let it go.

[I wish]

The ball seems to be on his side of the court. IF he wanted to have another date with you, he would make a move. For now, it's all talk and no action.

Keep on doing your own thing. If he actually does want to meet up, then you can decide what to do then.

[talaniman]

You tried, it didn't work, the reason doesn't matter. What's important is that you move beyond it, don't take it personally, or dwell on it.

That gives it more life than it deserves.