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Cheri777 · May 9, 2011, 04:00 PM

I left my husband just over 8 months ago, he is highly abusive so I had to sneak out while he was at work and took only what I could take to a storage unit and what fit in my car. I sent dissolution papers that I signed in front of notary public to him to sign and file in court... when I called him to confirm he had received the papers and ask if he would sign them, he indicated he would never file the papers as he wanted me to never be able to marry again. I no longer live in the same state as he does as I moved out of state so he would not find me because he indicated he would harm me if he finds me (I am in PA and he still lives in Ohio), I have begun the divorce process but need to know what to say/how to approach him in an email message asking him to sign the papers for the divorce when he receives them or is served the papers and I don't know what to say to persuade him to sign the papers. He has begun seeking another woman to the extent of sending funds to women who say they are in other countries and wish to marry him, he does not know that I have knowledge of his actions, I just simply want the divorce but don't know to approach him as he is very abusive and controlling. Can someone tell what to say in an email message to him? Thank you in advance to anyone who can give assistance in this situation.

JudyKayTee · May 9, 2011, 04:30 PM

It would appear to me that you would know bettter what to say that we would. We don't know him and we don't know you. An email message? Sit down and write him a letter. What are you asking him to sign? He gets served. He either appears or he doesn't (and you get a default divorce). What are you asking him to do?

Is your Attorney aware of this behind-the-scenes attempted contact?

You file for divorce and then your Attorney and the Court takes over. My advice? Stay out of it. That's why you pay for legal counsel, particularly in situations such as this.

Cheri777 · May 9, 2011, 05:10 PM

I have filed for divorce in the state of PA with an attorney provided through the state of PA as I have no funds to pay for the divorce, I was asked if he would be compliant in signing the divorce papers he would be receiving (either via certified mail or via being served by a Sheriff) and I could not tell them for certain whether he would sign the papers. I was advised that if he is willing to sign the divorce papers the divorce would be final in about 90 days, if he is not willing to sign the divorce papers sent/ or served to him, it could take two years from the date I left the marriage (which was on Sept. 3, 2010) before the divorce would go to court. So I want to send him an email message to ask him to sign the papers, as I cannot take the chance of meeting him in person and writing a letter is not a possibility as I am afraid he would harm me if he were to see me in person or find where I am residing, he is a very abusive, controlling man. So my question is, what do I say in an email message to him to ask/persuade him to sign the divorce papers?

JudyKayTee · May 9, 2011, 05:13 PM

I have no idea how Pennsylvania law is written. I am in NY and your address is disclosed on the papers.

If you have been advised to email him then I would write him, tell him the papers will be sent to him and would he please sign them. It appears that he has already said he won't sign because he doesn't want you to remarry. He seems to be having a wonderful time being married and dating.

I am totally unfamiliar with Pennsylvania law and cannot locate anything along the lines you have posted.

ScottGem · May 9, 2011, 05:15 PM

Tell him that his signature is not needed for the divorce to be finalized. Do not tell him it will take longer, only that you have to prove the marriage has ended and your living apart does that. So he can make it easier on both of you by signing the papers. If he doesn't you will continue with the divorce process and get the divorce anyway.

J_9 · May 9, 2011, 05:29 PM

In short, if he doesn't sign the papers, you get divorce by default. Of the two states that I worked in the legal field, both were 30 days from the date of filing that the court date was set. If the defendant (your husband) does not show up to court or sign the papers by that time a default judgment is entered.

Now, I did not work in PA or OH, so I do not know their time frame.

Cheri777 · May 9, 2011, 05:51 PM

In regard to my address being on the divorce papers, I was told by the attorney's paralegal that my address would be kept in confidence and not disclosed on the papers, but the fact that I am in Butler county, PA would be disclosed in the court filing for the divorce, since I was worried about my safetly should he find me. I am uncertain why, should he not be willing to sign the papers, that by PA law, it could take two years from the date we separated, which completely dismays me as I want the divorce so I can go on with my life, I am hoping PA courts would not enforce this law and instead grant the divorce as there are no children, no residence/property, no bank accounts/funds that are involved to be divided or resolved, I only want the divorce as soon as possible as even though I have managed to leave the abuse, I still feel like a prisoner, if this makes any sense. If anyone else has any input, I would appreciate it very much.

J_9 · May 9, 2011, 05:53 PM

I have moved your question to the Family Law section of the site where it will get more exposure to our legal experts.

Cheri777 · May 9, 2011, 05:58 PM

Thank you J-9 for your assistance in moving my question to the Family law secton, I appreciate it very much as do I appreciate JudyKayTee & ScottGem's responses/advice. I was wondering, will I also receive responses from the Family law section without contacting them as well, with the same question or should I just wait to view their responses generated from my initial question on your site?

J_9 · May 9, 2011, 06:11 PM

Nothing has changed as to how you get notified that there are new responses. The question was simply moved from one forum to a more appropriate one.

Fr_Chuck · May 9, 2011, 06:28 PM

The issue I see is that being a "control" person he most likely will refuse just because you are doing it, till it will work best for him.

But I would see more the idea that if he does not agree to the current terms, you will go and fight though court, and ask for 1/2 ( or more) of everything, so he will lose a lot more, Threaten to take everything he owns, if he does not just agree at this point.

ScottGem · May 9, 2011, 06:58 PM

I think your attorney said it might take as much as 2 years, not that it would take 2 years. If he fights it, which means getting an attorney and going to court where you live he could drag it out. But if he refuses to sign and does not show at the hearing, then I suspect it will be much shorter.

cdad · May 9, 2011, 07:58 PM

How long have you lived in Pa ?

He may be smart in not signing depending on the answer. Also do you have a restraining order against him? If not then your address is going to be on court records and it is a public matter.

You can not hide from being served. Since divorce is a process then your address is going to have to be revealed.