[mogrann]

Last week I had a bad week with lots on my plate. The result was I went to ER and was given Adavan to try to lower my anxiety. I only took two pills. I have since talked to my primary therapist and also been to group sessions. I am in DBT for my Borderline Personality Disorder.

I got a phone call from my mom and my Aunt died this morning at 1am. I am feeling nothing just numbness, well that is not true. I am also feeling guilty that I am not crying, upset and sad over the loss. I do/did love my aunt. Why am I so numb and is this normal? After the last week with extreme emotions, anxiety and panic I would think I would still feel some emotions.

Are there skills I should be using to figure this out for myself? This DBT is very confusing when it involves real life and using skills. I can do my homework with no problem but real life is a different story.


Susan

[Wondergirl]

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt's passing, Susan. When my dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack (no warning signs), I didn't cry at all and felt weird talking with openly sobbing family members. And yes, I felt guilty. Why wasn't I crying like everyone else?

What I did was be the one in the family who pulled us all together. I got them to write stories about my dad (their dad also or grandpa) and typed them up and put them together in a book. Each of us and my mom got a copy. I have been the one who has encouraged talk about my dad, bringing up his name in our conversations, remembering funny and silly and serious things about him.

We all experience grief in our own way. At this stage in your life, maybe because of your meds and with what else is going on in your life, feeling numb might be the only way you can react to your aunt's death right now. Tears may come later -- or maybe they won't.

Don't beat yourself up over it. You loved your aunt and honored her in her lifetime. That's what's important -- not barrels of tears after she's gone.

[mogrann]

Thank you. I needed to hear that it was okay and that it does not mean I am becoming uncaring.

[Wondergirl]

Thank you. I needed to hear that it was okay and that it does not mean I am becoming uncaring.

"Uncaring" is the last thing I would accuse you of being. Owen will arf-arf in total agreement.