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    Welues's Avatar
    Welues Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    May 2, 2011, 10:43 AM
    Should I keep hoping?
    Well first, the story of what happened.
    Met a guy in an online game about 5 or so months ago, and we because girlfriend and boyfriend around 2 months ago. Just over a week ago, he ended it. Yes, this was all online, I know I never knew him in real life and such, but I'm not looking to be judged on that. Maybe finding someone in real life would be better for me, I know, I know, but I'm not here to be told I'm stupid for having so much hope in something that isn't real. It was as real as any relationship ever was. Same thing with the length of it... I know it didn't last long, and it hasn't been long since it ended, and that time will help, but my heart doesn't agree with my brain at the moment.

    So for three days after the break up, we didn't speak. He blocked me on the main thing we spoke on, and then later I blocked him on everything I could, deleted his number, etc. Then he text me asking me to unblock him on a social networking site. I did, we spoke for a bit, and then I asked if we could be friends. He said yes, and unblocked me.

    We haven't spoken that much, not compared to how much we were speaking before, but he told me that I shouldn't give up hope because he may start to like me again. The thing is, I don't know whether I should keep hoping just because he says we still have a chance.
    Personally, I don't think it's fair to tell me to keep hoping like this. I don't want to keep holding on to false hope and just having it hurt more when he finds someone else. And right now, even if he did say he wanted to give it another go, although deep down there's nothing I want more, I'd still be torn as to whether to try again or not (although I'm pretty sure I would).

    So should I keep on hoping and potentially end up hurting myself more later?
    One thing I don't want is to cut off all contact with him again. Although it may be doing more harm than good, I'd still rather not (and there are reasons that have nothing to do with our relationship as to why I don't want to cut off contact).
    And to be honest, I'm not quite sure how to stop hoping. I KNOW that it's over, but it just seems like there's still something there... even though there isn't.
    sharper11's Avatar
    sharper11 Posts: 369, Reputation: 102
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    #2

    May 2, 2011, 01:26 PM
    Give up hope on this guy, but do not give up hope on real relationships.

    You said it, short "relationship" and all online. Your best bet, BLOCK him again. Stop contacting him. If you are feeling any sort of pain, not contacting him will help get rid of that pain over time.

    I am not trying to judge you, because people handle these things differently, but a two month online relationship shouldn't take to long to get over.

    Do not put too much trust or feeling into online relationships. At least date in person a few times.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
    Family & People Expert
     
    #3

    May 2, 2011, 02:14 PM
    Aside from the whole Internet, never meeting him, don't know who he really is part. It seems like you became his backup plan. He broke up with you so that he is no longer committed to you. But he's giving you false hope by keeping you around.

    Sounds to me that he wants to play the field. If he can't find what he's looking for, he will come back to you. Do you really want to be someone's backup plan?
    Just Looking's Avatar
    Just Looking Posts: 1,610, Reputation: 480
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    #4

    May 2, 2011, 03:08 PM

    There is something about talking to someone online that allows you to get into deeper conversations more quickly than in real life. I suppose it's the relative anonymity of writing rather than speaking face to face. It can also give you a false or inflated feeling of the depth of the relationship. You tend to share your innermost feelings more readily, and a lot of your perceptions are based on their written response with no non-verbal cues to go on. I think as women we tend to romanticize these relationships - maybe a little of the "mysterious stranger" that you want to fall in love with. I do speak from experience here.

    I think you need to give thought to what you want and what works for you. I'm assuming that since you haven't met, this is an LDR. If so, they are very difficult unless you have concrete plans to eventually live nearer to each other. If you decide to stay friends, be clear that is all he wants. That means you don't put all your hopes into this working out, but instead start dating other men. Don't wait around for him. Chances are very good he's dating in "real life". I would suggest you get on with your life. There are many men out there, and this one is not interested in a romance now and may never be.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #5

    May 3, 2011, 04:50 AM

    Never be so desperate, or lonely you get stuck on someone that's not as stuck on you. Online, or real life.

    Stop blaming him for feeding you false hope. You are the one eating it up. That's your fault not his.

    Learn to let go of things that are not working, then you don't waste your time, and can find something that does work.

    What is he the only guy on line?

    One thing I don't want is to cut off all contact with him again. Although it may be doing more harm than good, I'd still rather not (and there are reasons that have nothing to do with our relationship as to why I don't want to cut off contact).
    Share that reason with us please, you are annoymous, and I am sure its not good enough to keep torturing yourself, or allowing yourself to be used unfairly by some guy online. There simply is no excuse for that.

    And to be honest, I'm not quite sure how to stop hoping. I KNOW that it's over, but it just seems like there's still something there... even though there isn't.
    Tell your heart to shut up, and listen to your brain, because its right.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #6

    May 3, 2011, 04:51 AM

    'He told me I shouldn't give up hope because he might start liking me again'.

    Wow,that's big of him...

    Do yourself a favour and forget about this man who seems to have the emotional depth of a sheet of vinyl!

    Date real men in the real world.
    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 2,002, Reputation: 553
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    #7

    May 4, 2011, 08:40 AM
    "Personally, I don't think it's fair to tell me to keep hoping like this. I don't want to keep holding on to false hope and just having it hurt more when he finds someone else." Is a good mentality to have. Let this guy go, these type of relationships (LDR's) are hard and even more difficult if it is an online connection. It isn't fair for him to make you wait and more likely than not you will come out more hurt than you are now. This guy has nothing better to do with his time obviously, find someone who will be with you both emotionally and physically.

    Good Luck,
    Javi
    MLunaj's Avatar
    MLunaj Posts: 5, Reputation: 2
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    #8

    Apr 22, 2012, 09:11 AM
    This guy wants to keep you hanging on in case he decides he wants you back...
    YOU SAID IT YOURSELF... you are so smart and anyone reading this can tell.
    You're being illogical which is normal in matters of the heart, but this guy isn't deserving of your heart so be the girl he messed up with, the one that got away, you will feel so much better being that than the girl he always had access to regardless how he treated you.

    Be. THAT. Girl =)

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