[Aamia]

My Boyfriend and I are engaged and we will be getting married in few month's time. We had been seeing each other for around 8 years. We have had our share of ups and downs in the relationship. There had been times when he had cheated on me and I had found out. And because of this kind of past, I am finding it very difficult to trust him again. I love him and I trust that he loves me. What I cannot trust is that he would turn down an advancing approach from a girl or that he would not advance his moves to a girl for that matter if he gets the right opportunity. Now, my question is why is he getting married to me if he wants to fool around? Or Am I just imagining things? Is it common for guys to have one night stands here and there while you are in love with the girl friend or fiancée? It's been some years since the unhappy incidents in our relationship and now I seriously want to move on and forget it. But I almost completely believe that he can have one night stands again even after our marriage. And at the same time I also almost completely believe that he loves me a lot and that we both will be devastated if we break up. Please help.

[PeaceAndLove89]

First off; Kudos to you for staying with a guy for 8 years who cheated on you. I would've left the second I found out about it. The thing about men, is that when they do bad things that hurt us or disrespect the trust or relationship itself, they expect you to just forget about it and move on when in reality you shouldn't. People have to be held accountable for their actions (Criminals, Pedophiles, Students who cheat on tests, children who continue to defy their parents, etc.) If you didn't hold him accountable for his actions, then the behavior will continue to repeat itself because he sees it as "hey, i did this and she didn't get mad or leave...so apparently she will tolerate it and/or forgive me" Do you really want to spend the rest of your life being his doormat? What would've happened if you had cheated on him? Wait, I bet you're thinking "well I would never cheat on him"... I think that says enough in itself. I hope I helped.

[I wish]

You're better off sorting out all your mistrusts and other issues before getting married. Nothing messier than getting a divorce. Better to break it off before if it's not going to work out.

[mmresd]

Trust is something that is fundamental in a relationship, and when it is lost it is extremely difficult to come up with again. If you don't think you can regain trust with this guy (I wouldn't be able to either) then maybe getting married or in fact, being together at all is a good idea? He has cheated on you more than once and those are the ones YOU have found out about... who knows how many more times he has done it.

Good Luck,
Javi