[sawsall02]

I am 43, my wife is 37. I would like it if she would shave her super hairy kitty. We have been married for 13 years, My reason is, it would make me have a better visual and want to go down on her. However with all that hair in the way it's a big problem. I have asked her to shave, wax, etc. and every time I ask she gets mad and then she won't give me any sex. She says "this is how God created her, and that's how it's gonna be". I love my wife very much, but I feel she is not willing to give herself fully to me. I would do anything for her to make her happy, even shave myself if that's what she wants. Help!

[Synnen]

What uncomfortable procedure are you willing to go through as a trade off?

It's quite frankly pretty painful to wax, and shaving is quite the pain--for 2 days of smoothness, you get 2 weeks of itching and red dots (for most women, anyway). On top of that, if you use pads instead of tampons, I think that being shaved makes that time of the month a lot messier.

So--what uncomfortable, have-to-do-it-every-few-days procedure are YOU willing to go through as a trade off?

If you're not willing to offer anything but oral in return (and if you're not giving oral NOW, you've REALLY got no bargaining chip there), then you've got nothing really to offer for something YOU want that's inconvenient and uncomfortable for HER.

[excon]

How do I get my wife to shave her kitty?

Hello s:

Well, I think she ought to do it simply to please you... But, people don't always do what I think they should do... So, further nagging ain't going to get you anywhere... Besides, nagging doesn't work.. Negotiating a deal might... What do you have to trade? I know, I know - your shaved balls. Uhhh, she ain't buying. How about a romantic dinner and evening at your local luxury hotel? A new car? She HAS a price. Don't we all?

excon

[sawsall02]

She uses tampons. Like I said, I would be willing to go through the same procedure. What if we both shaved every other day? There is ways to keep down the itching and scratching, I have researched it, believe me!

[excon]

I have researched it, believe me!

Hello again, s:

Research?? Try some on the ground research. Shave your balls and let me know how it is?

excon

[Synnen]

AFTER you go get your balls waxed, please report back and tell me if you're willing to go through that every week.

[sawsall02]

Thanks excon,

I love my wife, and would do anything to please her. How do I begin telling you. I cook for her, do the dishs for her, vacuum the house for her, fold laundry for her, take out the trash for her, pay the bills for her, not to mention all the odd honey-do-list things. Yes, I take her out to dinner. I love her!

[excon]

Yes, I take her out to dinner. I love her!

Hello again, saw:

I can't tell you how to negotiate a deal with your wife. If you have nothing to trade, and she knows that you'll do her bidding, why should she reward you with anything?

It sounds like you have a very one way marriage. After doing what you do for her, you say SHE withholds sex from you if you make requests of her... I think your problems run deeper than shaved bush..

excon

[sawsall02]

I'll try anything once! But I'll shave my balls, instead of waxing. I'm not stupid!

[Synnen]

Here's the thing:

The decision to shave "down there" is very personal. Not all women like or want their private areas shaved. Now that I am no longer smaller than a size 8, it's difficult and uncomfortable to shave my private areas.

Perhaps you can compromise with her and suggest just trimming the area, rather than shaving?

[sawsall02]

She's 5'4", 115lbs. No problem with her being too big. She also,will not compromise and just trim. I can ask, and her answer is always NO! and I don't ask her very often. Got to go, check out your response tomorrow.

[Synnen]

IF her only reason is that God made her like that, I doubt you are going to get her to change her mind, honestly.

Is that the only reason she has ever given you?

[Cat1864]

I love my wife very much, but I feel she is not willing to give herself fully to me.

I know you probably don't mean that sentence to sound as controlling as it does. Is this about you wanting to give her pleasure or about your own pleasure and desires? Does she even want or like to receive oral sex?

She has a personal boundary that you seem to believe she shouldn't have. Do you have any personal boundaries that she might want to cross but you say 'absolutely, no!' to? It doesn't have to be sexual. It could be fixing foods that you can't stand or having a best friend who is male, etc.

What type of culture did she grow up in? For her, her pubic hair may be symbol of being a mature female. Shaving or even trimming could seem like a denial of her being a mature female.

Some women do not like the thought of a razor or scissors anywhere close to their labia (would you really like a razor cut on your penis?)

Is there anything in her background that would make her feel extremely uncomfortable about shaving? Including negative remarks about being hairy that cause her to become defensive?

[tkrussell]

I do not see what the issue is. She said no. End of story. Deal with it, keep some toothpicks handy.

[jenniepepsi]

Hello s:

Well, I think she ought to do it simply to please you... But, people don't always do what I think they should do... So, further nagging ain't gonna get you anywhere... Besides, nagging doesn't work.. Negotiating a deal might... What do you have to trade? I know, I know - your shaved balls. Uhhh, she ain't buying. How about a romantic dinner and evening at your local luxury hotel? A new car? She HAS a price. Don't we all?

excon

I agree, if I was asked this of my husband I would do it for him even if I didn't want to simply becaue I want to please him and make him happy (and the extra oral is a bonus!)

However you can't MAKE her do it. She will or she won't. Instead of bugging her, see if you can trade something as excon suggested. And try to talk to her about it in a less confronting way. Explain your discomforts about the excess hair. Would she be willing to trim. Shampoo and conditioner can help soften the hair, see if you can find a compromise anywhere in between.

[Synnen]

Cat has a good point.

This is something that YOU want sexually.

Would you be willing to do something SHE found to be hot sexually--something that she saw as you "giving yourself totally" to her? What if she wanted... say... you to give oral sex to another man? What if she said she felt unfulfilled unless you did this? How would you feel? Would you feel like denying her sex, because what she's asking you to do is a turn-off for you? How do you think she feels when you ask her to do something she isn't comfortable with? Do you think it makes her feel sexy and in the mood?

You are asking her to do something she is not comfortable with--for whatever reason--and do not seem to see that the trade-off wouldn't necessarily be YOU shaving as well. The trade off may be you wearing her sexy lingerie because it turns her on to see you in it, or it may be that she wants you to submit to some other sexual event you wouldn't be comfortable with---perhaps a dildo in your anus or a ball gag in your mouth or whatever.

The bottom line is that if you KEEP nagging her about it, she'll NEVER do it.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm surprised by your use of the "kitty" wording. I always think adults use the proper names for body parts. Anyway, she won't give herself fully to you by shaving? That's your standard for "giving herself fully to you?" Maybe she doesn't like the look. It's her body. Leave her alone and stop nagging at her.

I've posted this before so it's no shock to anyone but I shave. I always have. There isn't a lot of upkeep (or maybe I'm used to shaving every night). I don't like waxing. I happen to like the look and feel. My husband likes it/loves it but I don't shave because that's his choice. I stay "clean" because it's my personal preference.

You say " it would make me have a better visual and want to go down on her ..." Maybe that not what SHE wants.

You seem controlling with some rather unusual criteria for happiness in a relationship.

[dontknownuthin]

All you can do is tell her again that this is something that means a lot to you and would be very attractive to you. However, be aware that having your private areas waxed is painful, itchy when it grows back, costly to maintain and embarrassing. It's also not recommended by the medical community because it can cause infection. Shaving could be unbelievably itchy. And she may just not want to do it because she does not like the idea, for whatever reason.

If she really doesn't want to, you need to move on and decide if this is that big of a deal. Most women don't shave, for a lot of reasons - the main one being that there's no good way to do it that isn't super painful and itchy when it grows back in.

[JudyKayTee]

Most women don't shave, for a lot of reasons - the main one being that there's no good way to do it that isn't super painful and itchy when it grows back in.

I have to disagree with this - shaving ISN'T super painful. You shave in the shower or tub, same as your legs.

Waxing for me? No way!

Would his wife be willing to trim for him? Maybe if he stops nagging that would be a compromise - or not.

[martinizing2]

It seems that the others covered this rather well.

The only suggestion I could add is to work on chewing it
Down to a tolerable level , she may be more inclined to try that.