My boyfriend is like a girlfriend!

CFZD · Apr 26, 2011, 08:58 AM

I feel that my boyfriend is more like a "girlfriend" while I am more like a "boyfriend"...
I am lack of dating experience but what do you guys think.. Is that normal? Would it work out?
What my boyfriend is like... ( why I think he is a girlfriend)
1. He fixes his eye browse, put colone everyday, and must dress branding clothes. He believes firmly people who dress nicer are better people.
2. He goes shopping almost every weekend, if I don't go with him he will get upset, and will ask his mum to go with him instead
3. He doesn't hang out with any guy friends, only his brother, sister, grandma and mum
4. He talks about emtions all the time, and he must talk to me every day on the phone for over one hour. If I am busy with work can't talk, he takes it personal
5. He talk about Money a lot, always wants to know how much I make, how I spend my money ( FYI, I make twice as he does, I am an engineer)
6. He tells me he will move with me if I work abroad and stay home taking care of the house
7. He tells me I could make more money, and he tells me to get my PHD.

I really don't understand and find it amusing that he is pretty much a like girlfriend.
While I am on the other hand, very drama free, I don't complain about anything to him. He says I am not open enough, don't talk about feelings. I am very ambitious but he is not, and he wants me to make more money.

Do you think he is weird? He is 25, still in school, he can be sweet but I feel he is ridiculus sometimes, what do you think?

Wondergirl · Apr 26, 2011, 09:06 AM

I would keep him forever. He sounds like a dream of a boyfriend! Is he a good housekeeper and cook?

Are you ridiculous for being the way you are, so un-girly?

NeedKarma · Apr 26, 2011, 09:10 AM

He does sounds like a male version of a gold-digger. He seems to be of the metrosexual variety, some women like a little more 'testosterone' in their men. What attracted you to him in the first place?

CFZD · Apr 26, 2011, 09:21 AM

I want an equal half, not someone depends on me, so emtional and dramatic.
I am a rational person, still girly but in contrast to him, I am a lot more mature and see things in big picture.
I didn't know he talks so much about money until lately. He wants me to do all his homework ( maths) now.
He never asks me for money, but I feel that he is using me to finish his school.
He can be sweet and caring, just that he is also negative and crying about money all the time. How do I know if he is a true gold digger or not?

Wondergirl · Apr 26, 2011, 09:28 AM

It sounds like his being a gold digger is the least of your problems. If this is not the kind of partner/boyfriend you want to have (and you gave many reasons), then tell him goodbye. The emotional disconnect seems to be the major problem. I am from a practical, phlegmatic German background and would never be happy with an overly emotional guy.

I wish · Apr 26, 2011, 11:47 AM

When we first start dating, it's a matter of getting to know each other better on a deeper level, as opposed to a friendship. As we get to know each other better, we will have a better idea whether the relationship can go forward.

Sounds to me that his true personality is coming out and you don't like it. At this point, it's not a matter of changing his attitude and personality. That's who he is. The question is, can you handle it?

talaniman · Apr 26, 2011, 05:16 PM

I don't know about the lack of dating experience, but as you find out more about this guy, you seem to not be as taken as you were before. You do have enough facts to figure if this is worth continuing with, and at the level you want.

The beauty of dating is when you want to stop dating, you can. No harm, no foul, it just ran its course and you changed your mind.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 26, 2011, 07:38 PM

So this is the way he is, you either like it, or you don't, that is what dating is all about. You date and find out about each other, it works sometimes, sometimes it does not, that is your choice

martinizing2 · Apr 26, 2011, 08:07 PM

If you don't like the way he is,
Go.

You sound doubtful and your gold digger idea
May be a valid one.

6. He tells me he will move with me if I work abroad and stay home taking care of the house

If you do go work abroad hire a housekeeper. Less drama.

CFZD · May 2, 2011, 11:26 AM

Thanks for your input, I truly appreciate. Yesterday I met his dad, he also asks do I get paid well for my job? I don't know why it's always about money... I feel that's a personal question, not sure why he and his family always asks something like that? Is it normal?

NeedKarma · May 2, 2011, 11:40 AM

Maybe they are old school and they are used to men bringing home the bacon. They often can't understand how a woman can be paid the same as a man.

I wish · May 2, 2011, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by CFZD

Thanks for your input, I truly appreciate. Yesterday I met his dad, he also asks do I get paid well for my job? I don't know why it's always about money...I feel that's a personal question, not sure why he and his family always asks something like that?? Is it normal?

I don't think it's a question of being normal. That's just the way they are. They value money very high.

If you were just strangers, then it might be awkward and inappropriate to pose such a question. But the fact is, you're boyfriend and girlfriend. Eventually, as you get more serious, the two of you would keep less and less secrets from one another. So the question about your salary will eventually come out anyway.

Seems like the problem is that you may not consider this relationship serious enough to be more open with each other.

The question has been, is, and will be, can you accept him the way he is? Can you accept his family the way they are?

CFZD · May 3, 2011, 06:19 AM

He wants me to do all his maths homework, I feel like that I am used. I do like to help him but not do 100% of his maths homework. I work long hours with a big work load, I get stressed out about having to do so much for him.
I kind want to stop talking and break up now. :(

talaniman · May 3, 2011, 06:23 AM

Do so.

NeedKarma · May 3, 2011, 06:23 AM

He certainly does not seem to fit the profile of the man you seem to want.

I wish · May 3, 2011, 08:36 AM

If you feel that you want to break up with him more and more, then this relationship is going end sooner or later anyway. There's obviously a reason that you're hanging on.

If you do decide to hang on, then look for progress within the relationship. If things only get worse, then this relationship is going to end whether you want to or not. Without progress, there's no reason to go forward because you would be suffering unnecessarily.

CFZD · May 10, 2011, 03:40 PM

Thanks for all the advice from the experts! I've taken care of it, he is out of my life now!
:)