[Bluerose]

Bless My Computer

Blessings on this fine machine,
May its data all be clean.
Let the files stay where they're put,
Away from disk drives keep all soot.
From its screen shall come no whines,
Let in no spikes on power lines.
As oaks were sacred to the Druids,
Let not the keyboard suffer fluids.
Disk Full shall be nor more than rarity,
The memory shall not miss its parity.
From the modem shall come wonders,
Without line noise making blunders.
May it never catch a virus,
And all its software stay desirous.
Oh let the printer never jam,
And turn my output into spam.
I ask of Eris, noble queen,
Keep Murphy far from this machine.

[Bluerose]

Bless My Computer

Every night I lie in bed this little prayer inside my head
God bless my family and friends, and bless my children.

And God, there's just one more thing I wish you would do
If you don't mind me asking... would you bless my 'puter too?

Now I know that it's not normal to bless a small machine
But listen just a second and I'll try to explain.

You see, this little metal box holds more than odds and ends
Inside those small components rest a hundred loving friends.

Some it's true I've never seen and most I've never met
We've never shaken hands or ever truly hugged, and yet...

I know for sure they care for me by the kindness that they give and this little scrap of metal is how I get to where they live.

By faith is how I know them much the same as I know you
By sharing my life it brings them close so if it's OK with you...

Just take an extra minute from your duties up above
To bless this little hunk of steel that's filled with so much love.

[DeNiro]

What wonderful poems bluerose. Both informative and witty. It was a rare treat indeed to discover these posts. :)

[Bluerose]

Check out my other posts - I do waffle on a bit. Thankfully some of it makes some sense. Lol

[Bluerose]

I found some more - Just for fun.

Computing Definition:

Access Time - The time between the instant at which information is called for, and the instant at which management expects the final report.

Assembler - One who drops his card deck.

Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad.

Breakpoint - The point at which programmer increments past last bit available.

Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desk, to speed up output.

Checkpoint - The location from which a programmer draws his salary.

Core storage - A receptacle for the centre section of apples.

Counter - An area over which martini's are served.

Crash - What a detached programmer would dearly love to do, for at least eight hours.

Default - De line west of which de state of California will float off to sea at de next major quake.

Device - Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden.

Documentation - A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported.

Error - What someone else has made when they disagree with your computer output.

External Storage - Wastebasket.

Fixed Word Length - Four letter word used by programmers in a state of confusion.

Hardware - Nuts, bolts, and circuit boards "left over" after repairman has reassembled cpu.

I/O Device - Note you sign for the bank in/order to get loan for new (old) car.

Library - An organized collection of obsolete material.

Low Order Position - The programmer's location in the chain of command.

Mainframe - Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash.

Microsecond - Amount of time needed for a program to bomb.

Nanosecond - Measure of time on mork's planet ork.

Off-Line - Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed.

On-Line - Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9pm.

Peripheral - Now you see it, now you don't...

Printout - A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway.

Programmer - Red eyed mumbling mammal, capable of communicating with inanimate objects.

Source file - One which was "appropriated" from one of the competitors.

Switch - When management changes its mind.

[Bluerose]

Computer Humour

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Web.
Ne'er a hacker was surfin', not even Ms. Deb.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
in the hopes that St. Wilhelm soon would be there;
The newbies were nestled all snug near their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
Mamma on the sofa, and I with a snack,
Had just settled down at my Computer named Mack,
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new window Mack flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle, I thought he would crash.
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Mack jumped to a page which wasn't quite clear;
When the image resolved, so bright and agile,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Wil.
More rapid than mainframes more graphics they came,
Then Wil glanced toward my screen & Mack called then by name;
"Now, Compaq, now Acer!" my speaker did reel;
"On, Apple! On Gateway!", Then Wil started to squeal.
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make This thing hip!"
The screen gave a flicker, he was into my RAM,
Then, into my room rose a full hologram.
He was dressed in polyester, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black with white socks, that he really could lose.
A bundle of discs he had in his backpack, He looked like a Hacker just beginning to Hack. His eyes - How they twinkled! His glasses how techno!
It was hard to believe that he did this pro bono.
A pocket protector stuck out from his shirt,
Which was stained only once by a little blue spurt.
He wore his pants high and his tie in a bow,
and the fuzz on his chin had just started to grow.
He had a skinny face but a little beer belly,
And his hair was slicked sideways with petroleum jelly.
I took a step back when I noticed its sheen,
Wil looked around then walked up to my screen.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, not even a joke,
And accessed my root directory with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive and added a SIMM,
Then threw in some games, just on a whim.
He worked without noise, his finger's they flew,
As he distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo.
He updated Office, Excel and Quicken.
Then added a screen-saver with a clucking red chicken.
My eyes widened a bit as I stood there agape,
As he even installed the latest version Netscape.
Mack's drive gave a whirl, as if he were pleased.
St Wil finally smiled, with the computer appeased.
And laying his finger on the bridge of his nose,
and giving a nod, he turned into ones and zeros.
He flew back into my screen and up my uplink,
Back into the Net with barely a blink.
But I heard his shrill voice, ere he flew from my sight,
"HAPPY SURFING TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD BYTE."