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Angel_ · Apr 23, 2011, 01:47 AM

.Hey guys, so here's the problem. My ex boyfriend and I broke up like 3 weeks ago because he couldn't handle being committed to me and to his studies. He says that he loves me and we still talk from time to time. We actually hang out and everything. He feels like he couldn't give me everything he could because his whole life revolves around school. This Has been hard for me but I needa learn to be "tough". Any advice? I want to get back in the long run and he says "everything will fall into place"

amicon · Apr 23, 2011, 02:01 AM

You walk away-why hang out with someone who can't spend time in a relationship with you,but think it's fine to hang out?

He wants to eat his cake and keep it.

Go do your own thing,without him.

talaniman · Apr 23, 2011, 07:20 AM

Make this a clean break because you are not his top priority, so why is he yours? When you get dumped, you do not hang around waiting for someone to change their mind. You leave them alone and build a life that you enjoy without them.

Most times when a partner dumps another, and they are still available to hang out and talk, its great until they decide to spend time pursuing other interests, and leave you in the friend zone, because they found something more promising to do. And you are already dumped, so they get the benefits without commitment, or guilt of doing whatever they want, while you wait for them to come back. Is that fair to YOU?

Sorry, but to protect your heart, see this as the break up it is. Don't let him have his cake, and eat it to, while you live in false hope.

esmith2009 · Apr 23, 2011, 11:00 AM

If I were you I would move on. Still be nice to him but sometimes men have to miss what they didn't have so they can appreciate it. Its going to be hard. But right now college is supposed to be the best years of our lives to find ourselves and focus on school so live it up. Don't stress over one guy :-)

Cat1864 · Apr 23, 2011, 12:13 PM

Angel, there is a process called No Contact that you might find useful to help you let the false hope and confusion go. No Contact means that you don't contact him (or keep up with what he is doing through friends or social networking sites) and you don't accept contact from him.

He made a choice to end the relationship because he didn't have time or the ability to handle a relationship with everything else in his life. You are under no obligation to be available when he decides he can take a break from his studies now.

Give yourself some time to fully let the old relationship go. Accept that it is over and mourn it. Even if you do get back together somewhere down the road you need to have healed from this hurt and let the emotional dust settle.

Live your life as though you don't expect to get back together with him. Enjoy being single and meeting new people.

If you do get back together, it won't be the same relationship that it was before. So make sure that you are realistic about your expectations for the future.

Take care of yourself and good luck.

mmresd · Apr 23, 2011, 02:37 PM

He has made his decision. So let him feel the consecuences. Exit his life completely an start looking for someone who has time for you among several other needs of yours that need to be filled. If you allow it, this guy is going to keep you in the background and summon you whenever he sees fit. So unless you want to be the "backup" I would suggest to leave.

Good luck,
Javi

Wondergirl · Apr 23, 2011, 02:56 PM

He feels like he couldnt give me everything he could

I agree with all the others, but am wondering what on earth he meant by this statement. To me, it sounds like a cop-out.

DoulaLC · Apr 23, 2011, 04:37 PM

Give him the space he needs to focus on school. Perhaps he felt he couldn't give you and his schooling the time both needed and deserved. At this stage, schooling needs to be a priority.

If you enjoy hanging out now and then, fine. If it causes you too much pain right now, then go no contact.