[MyOwnFate]

I'm so confused... let me enlighten something... why is this "porn" accepted nowadays by people? :( is this considered cheating in a way? I found it a red flag when my ex-boyfriend used to watch lesbian porn :( it hurt.. I felt like I wasn't good enough.. but are all guys like this? They use the excuse that it spices up love life.. and that guys need it to "get off".. by seeing this stuff.. and people are OK with seeing their men do this behind their backs? Please explain.. because in my heart it doesn't feel right for people to do that.. I hope I find a special person someday who won't be influenced by this.. but if people say that everyone is doing it.. it can't be that bad I guess?? Right? Sorry this is sort of a question within a question lol

[Synnen]

I moved your post to its own thread, so you can get answers to YOUR question.

First, however, we need to know your age.

[Cat1864]

By another post, she is 18. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...me-570932.html)

[MyOwnFate]

I'm 18 years old.. sorry about that I should have posted a new thread myself lol

[Cat1864]

Porn and the broader genre of Erotica are entertainment. It is no different than other genres of entertainment like Horror or Comedy. People watch Horror to get scared and Comedy to laugh. Erotica is designed to make people think about sex.

It is a fantasy that both men and women can enjoy. For many men it is easier to get stimulated through porn than other forms of Erotica such as romance novels because they tend to be more visually oriented and more about the action than the characters or plot. Porn/Erotica is a short-cut in getting aroused. It is a tool that can give the viewer ideas of things to think about or try (if the person's partner is agreeable.) It can help a viewer determine what fantasies should not be tried. It can get two people thinking and talking about the same subject.

Some individuals do have problems separating Fantasy from Reality. However, that is not just a problem with Erotica. It is the individual's own mental stability. Those individuals tend to have unrealistic views of other parts of their life, too.

A partner shouldn't 'go behind' their partner's back to view porn. 'Go behind' implies hiding or being secretive. Partners should understand that masturbation is a completely normal act and is healthy (as long as it doesn't interfere in other parts of a persons life. In that way it is like anything that can be taken to extremes like exercise, games or even reading.) If you have that understanding and recognize that Erotica is a tool like a vibrator or your hand is, then there isn't any 'hiding' or 'being secretive'. It is just like using the bathroom or eating. You know your partner is going to do it, but you don't need to hear about every bowel movement or bite of food consumed.

Fantasy and masturbation are great ways to relieve tension and stress. Unlike sex with a partner, you don't have to worry about his/her needs and feelings. It is a way to know what you like and need to be able to communicate those to your partner. If you don't know, you can't tell him. Most men are not mind readers. Those who think they are tend to be extremely wrong.

How you feel about it is your individual choice. If you want a healthy relationship, commnicate with your partner and keep an open mind about his beliefs like you want him to be open to your own. Hopefully, you will find the person who shares your ideals. However, be willing to compromise or keep looking if he doesn't.

[talaniman]

To most guys, porn is no different than watching a cartoon, or a drama, or sports or anything else on TV, or CD, or any other mode of entertainment.

Sports gets us excited, and pumped, Porn arouses, and cartoons make us laugh. It nothing but something to do! No different than females that cry through chick flicks or watch soaps, or game shows. NO DIFFERENCE, so why take it personally. That would be your personal problem to solve, not his.

Don't get me wrong though, because anything can be taken too far, and cause problems, but the trick is to know the difference between his problems, and YOUR problems, and how you go about dealing with both.

[MyOwnFate]

Thank you for your time people :) I hope I didn't offend anyone..

[Cat1864]

No offense here. :)

Are you feeling a bit more secure about people watching porn?

[JudyKayTee]

If the 16 year old ex boyfriend was watching porn there could be some legal issues.

- Just sayin'.