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amber00 · Apr 21, 2011, 03:41 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months.I really do like him he's a great guy.But I've made a big mistake,I went to a party and got very drunk and wasted and slept with someone else.Now I don't know if I should tell him or if I should just break up with him because he deserves someone better.I really do like him and don't want to break up with him.I could not tell him but I think that's wrong.I don't want to hurt him.Any advise

DoulaLC · Apr 21, 2011, 04:26 PM

Sorry to hear you are in such a dilemma. There is not much you can do to recover from that type of a mistake Obviously hindsight would be not to drink and it wouldn't have been a problem... something to put away for future reference.

What's the likelihood of him hearing it from someone else at some point? If you say nothing, and he hears of it later, you are left with coming clean at that time, or lying to him to cover up... inwhich case you will likely be found out at some point anyway (lying, while it can look like an easy way out is never a good idea)

If you fess up now, admit you messed up, tell him you want to always be honest with him, even if it could be hurtful, and ask for forgiveness, it will be up to him where things go from there. He may forgive you, after a time, or he may not.

You could break up with him, either letting him know why or not, and see what he says at that time. Again, he may be able to forgive and want to rebuild the trust or he may not.

Or you could take the chance that no one will say anything, hope for the best, and say nothing.

Regardless of what you decide... learn from the experience, and make better choices in the future.

There is no easy answer, unfortunately.

Alty · Apr 21, 2011, 04:32 PM

The way I see it, drunk, sober, or somewhere in between, if you cared about him, you wouldn't have cheated.

You keep saying you like him. Like isn't enough to keep dating. You obviously don't like him enough to be faithful to him.

I think it's time to break up with him.

amber00 · Apr 21, 2011, 04:43 PM

I do care about him.I do really like him I wouldn't know if I love him he's the first person I've been out with.I don't really know what love is.I don't want to hurt him.If I break up with him do you think I should tell him I cheated or just keep that to myself.I don't want him to hate me we hang out with the same friends so I'll have to see him all the time.

Alty · Apr 21, 2011, 04:52 PM

He'll most likely find out sooner or later. The truth usually comes out.

I have to ask you this, and this is coming from someone that has cheated in the past. Long, long ago.

Are you really afraid to tell him because you'll hurt him, or are you afraid to tell him because you don't want him to hate you?

It's easy to tell yourself that you're sparing him, but I doubt that's the real reason you don't want to tell him. You're sparing yourself. Been there, done that.

He cares about you, he's your boyfriend. You don't care about him, not enough to continue dating him. You feel guilt, but that doesn't mean you care enough to stay in a relationship with him. If you really cared about him, you never would have cheated. That's the bottom line. If you're honest with yourself you'll see that.

You may lose respect from a few people. You may lose a few friends. That's a risk you have to take. But, telling the truth, well, some people will forgive because you had the guts to come clean.

As the saying goes "you made your bed, now you have to lay in it".

Don't mean to be harsh, just telling you the truth.

DoulaLC · Apr 21, 2011, 04:52 PM

It's a tough call. As Alty said, whether you were drunk or not, if you were serious enough about him, you wouldn't have slept with someone else.

Since you hang out with the same people, it sounds like he will find out sooner or later what happened. If you don't feel you like him enough to go through the process of trying to keep the relationship going when he finds out (it won't be easy, and may not succeed anyway), then break up with him now and let him find someone who cares more about him.

You could simply tell him that you have decided you want to be able to see other people and feel it is best that you are not exclusive. You too will then be free to see other people and will have hopefully learned a valuable lesson about relationships.

amber00 · Apr 21, 2011, 04:59 PM

I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to hate me.But if I was the one who was cheated on then I suppose I'd want to know.Your right if I did love him I wouldn't of cheated.I think I will break up with him he does deserve someone who will care for him he is a great guy,I'm just not ready to date.Thanx for the advise

Alty · Apr 21, 2011, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by amber00

I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to hate me.But if I was the one who was cheated on then I suppose i'd want to know.Your right if I did love him I wouldn't of cheated.I think I will break up with him he does deserve someone who will care for him he is a great guy,i'm just not ready to date.Thanx for the advise

I think you're doing the right thing.

I know it's tough. It's never easy breaking up with someone, even under the best of circumstances. He will be hurt, but in the long run he'll realize it's for the best.

I would suggest that you figure out what you want before you date again. I'd also suggest that you stop drinking. I've been there. I know the trouble young teens get into. I've done it all, and lived to tell about it.

Learn from this mistake, then move on. Ya, you made a whopper of a mistake, but there's still time to learn from it, and be better in the future. I'm a prime example of that. I changed my ways, met a wonderful man, and we've been together for over 21 years, married for 16. A leopard can change its spots. Change yours. :)

Good luck.

mmresd · Apr 22, 2011, 11:03 AM

You have some options. You can not tell him, hope he doesn't find out, and be happy with him as long as youcan control your conscience. If he finds out from an outside source he will be a lot more pissed than if you had told him yourself, however, telling him yourself doesn't guarantee him sticking around. If you don't know how to drink, then don't do it, especially if you are underage. This time you decided to cheat, next time it might not be your choice, so be careful.

Good luck,
Javi