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    hurthope's Avatar
    hurthope Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #1

    Apr 18, 2011, 04:50 PM
    He broke up with me after 11years
    Me and my partner had been together for 11yrs and I thought things were good and we were OK. We were talking about our future together, having babies, getting married, saving for a house our dreams together. He was thinking about our baby how old he would have been 8 years old, what our life would have been like so we starting trying to get pregnant.

    I gave up everything and moved to another country to be with him, I followed my heart and asked him to marry me. I wanted commitment and reassurance if I was going to move and he said yes. He wants to be with me and have babies with me. We moved overseas to be close to his family. His younger sister has cancer and he wanted to be there for her as they are quite close. We were happy, I was finding it hard to get a job I was looking but not as much as I should 6months I haven't worked, I tried everywhere clothes shops, fast food, supermarkets, seek but the area we were living in didn't help. I wasn't sitting around doing nothing, I was helping his parents with the younger siblings still at school because everyone else worked, I'd go to all the chemo and doctors appointments with his sister to be her support, and handing out and sending cv's for jobs.

    The house was always tidy and dinner was always waiting for him when he got home from work. I wasn't sitting at home and spending all his money, I rarely had any money so I'd go without. I knew he was getting frustrated with me not working so I made more of an effort then 2 weeks ago things changed. He went of Friday and got home at 1am smelling like freshly sprayed deoderant, I asked him about it cause it was so strong and he said its from when he sprayed it this morning, come on I'm not stupid but I left it be. Then Saturday he's going out I ask if I can come. He said it's a boys night and that we'll do something Sunday that can be our day and I'm fine with that. He comes home at 4am, he tries to sober up before he drives home like normal and everything seems fine but then he's distant when we go to bed. Hes sleeping on the edge of the bed which is weird because he normaly snuggles into me in the middle and we cuddle.

    The next two days he's grumpy and Sunday he's tired and doesn't want to do anything. So I let him sleep and we just cuddle then Tuesday we are making out and its leading to sex then he stops us and he said he's been thinking and I'd be better off back home and that he's over us and he's had enough he wants to be single and do what he wants and not worry. But he already does what he wants I'm not one of those clingy girlfriends who ring and text going where are you and who you with type. He has my whole heart and I have half of his he said I lost it and he doesn't know if I could get it back its gone.

    He doesn't talk to me like before he just shuts down his feelings and becomes mean about things. I was heartbroken I begged/asked can we try 11yrs means something to me you're the one I want to be with and marry, he said he's sick of trying and can't be bothered. Is there someone else he says no. I asked could we see how the next couple of days went and then decide how you feel he said maybe I hate maybe its either a yes or a no. So we gave it a go, I thort things were going OK, we were talking, cuddling and kissing still sleeping together I was making an effort to make him happy. He'd kiss me when he went to work, when he got home, when we went to bed like old times After a few days I asked if we could go out do something together anything have us time, he said maybe. I suggested, movies, dinner, pool anything and then he said don't get angry but there is someone else.

    I knew it there was a girl txting and ringing and I asked him about it and he said they were just friends and I trusted him. It was her, I asked why all I got was he's over it he's not happy and had enough. He won't talk about his feelings just he's sorry for breaking my heart. Im head over heels for him and its just so easy to give up without trying. I admit the passion had fizzled over the years but we were getting it back and we were having fun with each other but now there's a new option and it hurts. His family were shocked and couldn't believe he was doing this to me and why he won't try and I think its cause of her.

    She's a homewrecker this isn't the 1st relationship she's split up but I thought we were stronger. Ive met her and know of her through my partner and his work mates they used to moan about her and all her dramas. Hes not talking to anyone just her, and she's telling him everything he wants and needs to hear at the moment. His mother said I need to be strong and independent, he's like his father doesn't talk about feelings and it takes them awhile but they'll figure it out and come back.

    They can't believe he's throwing away 11yrs for a bit of fluff on the side and that they need to talk to him and find out what's going through his head. I don't want them to talk on my behalf, I get that we've been together this long and that he wants to do things but I thought things together as a couple not break up and sleep with others type of thing. I asked one day do you think maybe we could get back together and it was maybe again.

    I do really care about him and want to be with him he was the one I can't just shut it off. He has been a big part of me and my life. He took me to the airport and said he loved me and always will. I'l always have apart of his heart. I moved back home and took everything, but he's kept photos of us, love letters I've written special things we shared together. Hes kept my photos on his phone, I said you don't need those anymore delete them he said no he's keeping them. What does that mean?? I have moved back home and I text him and he answers I'm so confused??
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #2

    Apr 18, 2011, 05:53 PM

    You might get more response if you broke up those long block like posts, it would make it easier to read.

    Go slow. I think he might just be happy that you two can be friends now. Try not to see too much into this. Then again you could always ask him right out what he wants from this new type of relationship.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,225, Reputation: 10853
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    #3

    Apr 18, 2011, 11:20 PM

    I think you need time and space to not just be away from him, to get your head in the right place, but to heal from being dumped after so long.

    After such events its best to take some time away to let your emotions settle, lick your wounds and get stronger again, and it's a big mistake to stay in touch with this guy after such a thing has happened between you.

    I know, you still have high hopes and faith things will return to normal, but give yourself some time to yourself, and him some time to realize he misses you. At least give yourself some time to get over the shock, and make a plan for yourself that doesn't include him, just in case he doesn't change his mind.

    For sure, you cannot wait for him to realize these things, or his heart to change, as you must take responsibility for your own happiness. Just in case. This is not giving up what you have been so use to, but making it possible for you to adjust and see things clearly for your own good.

    I wish you luck no matter what you do.
    vanheart's Avatar
    vanheart Posts: 2,806, Reputation: 708
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    #4

    Apr 19, 2011, 07:14 PM
    I agree. Sounds like you put up with a lot of talk (or lack of) for 11 years.

    But no growth. And now this.

    Go figure. It takes two to tango, though. Either growing or parting.

    Maybe your life w/o him may be a godsend.

    Don't waste another 11.



    hurthope's Avatar
    hurthope Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #5

    Apr 20, 2011, 07:15 PM
    Comment on vanheart's post
    Yeah I think so, I've had time to think and maybe it is for the best. He obviously wasn't happy sux for me but what can you do. I'm not pine'n over him I've dealt with it being over. Crappy what happened and how it happened but that's life. Hes already in a relationship with her, its hard and hurts but I'm actually OK. Its time, to give up my heart can't hurt anymore for him the feelings are gone. I think I was just hope'n too much. Ive just got to let go and live my life without him :)
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #6

    Apr 20, 2011, 10:22 PM

    Good decision,best of luck.
    hurthope's Avatar
    hurthope Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #7

    Apr 21, 2011, 06:52 PM
    Yea its hard because he's still too immature and doesn't care. I thought we could be adults about the breakup and parting of ways and decisions we had made about things but I was obviously wrong. Him and his mates are talking crap about me and our relationship, and changing his mind on what we decided. I wish people would butt out and its got nothing to do with them but that's when you find out who your real friends are. Its made me not want anything to do with him the urge to text is gone to have no contact and if I did ever see him again it wold be too soon. Love hurts and life does sux but things can only get better
    hurthope's Avatar
    hurthope Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #8

    Apr 22, 2011, 09:26 PM
    How can he move on so quick
    Threads merged



    My partner broke up with me after years of being together, we had the future and dreams planned and yeah its gone. I cried my heart out and he just hugged me no emotion. He said he wants to be single and do what he wants, he said he'l be single for a while since he was in such a long relationship. But there was someone else, and I found out that he cheated with her while I was away. I thought we parted on good terms but now I realise he just wanted me gone and told me what I needed to hear.

    I checked his Facebook, I know its not helping the situation but I had friends, family and his msg'n me telling me about his page so I couldn't not look.

    Hes in a relationship with her and he's taken all our photos down and has her on there, I knew they wouldn't stay on there forever but it had only been 3days and already he's moved on. I flew out and that night she was already staying at the house. Three days later he's in a relationship.

    So I'm asking how can he move on so quick, did we not mean anything, can he really close his eyes to it all. Were we really that bad together. I think it just hurts that there is no emotion, no anything.

    I honestly don't know how I feel, I've dealt with its over. Its been a week and I know I should be crying and all heartbroken and angry but there's no feeling I'm my heart for him. I think he slowly was chipping away at my heart over the years and its given up. I was head over heels in love with him, but you can't be the only on in the relationship trying. I loved him and he'll always have a place in there for what we've shared together but that's about it. I just don't care. The need to be with him is gone and after how he's been since I left I honestly don't want to know him.

    But I have his car, its been at my familys for the last 9 months while he tried to sell it or ship it overseas but he's done nothing about it. Now I'm back in the country and I don't know if I should give it to his family or just sell it and wash my hands of him. Like he has with me?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #9

    Apr 22, 2011, 09:31 PM

    To you it was 3 days, to him it's probably been months, if not longer.

    He cheated on you. He's likely been seeing her on the side for a long time. It's fresh to you because you didn't know, and the breakup was sudden and not that long ago.

    To him he's likely been disconnected from your relationship for a very long time. It was just a matter of ending it with you, which he should have done as soon as he started being interested in someone else.

    I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I know it hurts.

    The best thing to do is allow yourself to grieve, delete him from Facebook, don't go looking for info about him, and move on.

    It's not easy, but time heals all wounds. Get busy with your life, and forget about him.
    ajwain's Avatar
    ajwain Posts: 55, Reputation: 11
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    #10

    Apr 23, 2011, 01:49 AM
    Just delete that person completely from your life.. I know its really hard. But you have to do it! For yourself!he is enjoying his life at this moment.. so should you.just go on a holiday! Don't grieve for a person who has no feelings for you!don't worry. This time too will pass! Take care.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #11

    Apr 23, 2011, 02:03 AM

    This needs to be merged with your other thread.

    Also,I second Altenweg's post.
    hurthope's Avatar
    hurthope Posts: 5, Reputation: 3
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    #12

    Apr 23, 2011, 03:30 AM
    I have removed him from my Facebook and gotten rid of all our photos together. I have been going out with my mates and trying to move on. I've met a few new people and things are going OK. Slowly but surely

    I just couldn't understand how he could move on like that, it was tormenting me but I get it now and I think you were right thinking back I saw the signs, but love is blind and I thort we would work. Stupid now but hey what can you do.

    Im going to give his car and stuff to his family and I'm washing my hands of him. That way he is completely gone from my life and I have nothing to tie me to him.

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