[confusedgirlny]

After three years my boyfriend and I are about to move in together. He has a house that I am moving in to. This is supposed to be the final step before getting engaged for us. However, he is keeping a roommate in one of the guest rooms in the house for extra money (which he doesn't necessarily need) and now wants to take on a second. So we would be living with 2 other people. He has done all of this without asking me. More so he wants me to sign a lease and give him a deposit on the house as well. He also refuses to split the cost of our room with me because he says he's the landlord. I've never been in this situation before but I just don't know if it is normal. I feel adamantly against it because this is supposed to be our time of getting to know what it is like living together before we're married. I can't help but feel like he is putting it off. He has also been going on many trips with his buddies, guys trips in the last year where I am not invited. I feel hurt because he hasn't asked me to go anywhere with him. I'm confused about his level of commitment. He has no problem asking me to watch the house and the dog while he is gone but never seems to want to do anything like this with me. Should I be concerned?

[sharper11]

You are correct to feel hurt. He is looking at your "moving in" from a financial perspective instead of a relationship POV.

Moving into a house with your boyfriend is a growing experience. If you are sharing that with 2 other strangers, it loses it's effect.

Are the roommates separated from the rest of the house (own kitchen/own entry.. etc?)

His expecting you to pay to live there isn't wrong, but the way he is going about it, is. If I were in your position, I would not take the offer. I would let him know you are not comfortable, and are making the decision to benefit your relationship. Although, moving in together is a big (and necessary) step, this may kill the relationship quickly.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Don't do it! Its normal to negotiate living arrangements, and finances between couples, but they both agree to it. He is holding all the cards and you are holding the bag of obligations. LEGALLY if you go along with this one sided deal. That's probably going to be the theme of life with this fellow, his interests come first.

Over all, he is committed to his interests first, and maybe you should be charging him to house sit for him when he is gone.

You don't move in with a partner who demands an unfair arrangement, but I would love to see you negotiate STRONGLY in your favor. ( step back and watch him claim how unfair, and unreasonable you are )

If you settle for bad behavior, that's what you will get. If YOU think it's a bad deal, then it is. Make your own lease, and rules for the relationship, and serve YOUR own best interests, because its obvious, HE WON'T!!

[Fr_Chuck]

So write up a contract for sex, how much he has to pay ,
( LOL ) He is not looking or a girl friend and this is not how someone who wants to be married acts.

If you are still even dating him after this, I don't know why.

[amicon]

I would be so concerned I'd leave him-this guy's got o n e priority-himself!