[michellelynn76]

My son is 16 yrs. Old and very unruley, disrespectful and extremely manipulative. I had him when I was very young (17) and was a single mother. His father was in and out of his life for the fisrt 4 yrs. Which forced me to work 40plus hrs a week, leaving my son (Brandon) with family members most of the time. I have always felt very guilty for this and spoiled my son to try to make up for it. Through the years Brandons behavior has slowly gotten worse and worse. He can be the sweetest when he wants something, and unfortunaletly very mean when he hears no.

A few years ago, I married someone wonderful and had a daughter.My husband has tried his hardest to help keep Brandons behavior in check.. and things have spiraled out of control. Brandon will blatantly tell me no, and call me names (crazy, lunatic.. )His father has not helped AT ALL with holding Brandon accountable, or any type of discipline for that matter ,as he feels it better to cover up and lie for Brandon. (I suspect his father suffers from some form of mental ailment and has a history of drug abuse, but is sober now.)

Brandon got into some trouble last year with stealing some bike parts from one of his peers, and as a result, I made him fess up and return the bike parts. He also was grounded for a very long time. His father was IRRATE with me, fearing Brandon would be arrested, called me a snitch and told me I probably ruined Brandons life. The history between Brandons father and I are far from friendly, but we were able to be civil for Brandons sake until the past 2 or 3 yrs.Ive tried and tried to get on the same page with Brandons father when it comes to dicipline, but we CLEARLY cannot see eye to eye, so I've made it clear to brandon what he gets away with at his fathers house he won't be doing at mine.

Just in the last few days, brandon and I have been arguing due to his lack of interest in schoolwork. He was furious when I refused to let him play on his volleyball team until his school work was caught up. And like always, called his father to tell him I was "crazy" because I wouldn't let him play. When brandon realized I was sticking to my guns, he threatened to call the police or DCF and tell them I was being abusive. He yelled at me, called me names, and said he was going to live with his father. Finally being fed up with his mental abuse I told him if he thinks the grass is greener than go.. I came home tonight and all his stuff was gone. He now lives with his father I suppose. This broke my heart and I haven't stopped crying. I tried to get him to see a therapist, but he refuses. And his father completely screamed at me when I even entertained the thought of Brandon talking to someone. What do I do if I have an unruley child with zero support from his father? I found a few text messages from brandons father telling Brandon I was a terrible person, mom, and that Brandon is finally realizing how bad I am. Of course I look like a monster when I'm the only one holding Brandon accountable! Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Id like to know I'm not the only one going through this. Im heart broken.

[jenniepepsi]

Well first, at 16 years old, I woudlnt have made him bring the parts back and apologies, I would have called the cops.

At this point, call the cops and tell them your son ran away. If he is in YOUR custody, he can't simply get up and move in with his dad without going to court and putting that in the order. So he basically ran away.

He needs some tough love here hon. And the next time he is voilent or abusive, you call the cops and have him arrested for assult.

My only child is 7, so I don't have a lot of experience. This is what I think though. Good luck

[frobeterts12004]

I think most 16 yr. olds go through this or similar. Rules are rules and they do need to respect them and most of all they need to respect you and all authority in your house. As far as trying to change them back to the way they once were, give it up! That is not going to happen. At least not now. Maybe after growing up on his own without! Your help he will begin to see the reality of life and his mistakes. The worst thing to do is save him every time he gets in trouble or needs your help. You will just be prolonging him seeing the error of his ways and he will never grow up and always blame you for his problems.We all learn from trial and error. The sooner the better before we become completely lost and end up on the streets on in prison. Better to learn as a minor than an adult.