[foskita86]

Hi,

Im a 25 year old girl who have serious issues with trusting people. This is due to both being treated very bad of an emotionally abusing ex (I ended it with him in June), friends that were not there for me when my dad died and generall family constantly letting me down, amongst them my mum.

What I am facing now is that I have been seeing a new guy for almost three months, and he is a good guy. I really like him, and he makes me smile. I am over my ex, it took a while but I still get panic moments that I am choosing the wrong guy again. I feel that I can trust him, however, every 10 days or so I have two days full of panicking moments where I make a problem out of nothing. I am usually alone when I do this, so he doesn't know about this.

How do I get my wall down and trust people again? I am always extremely sceptial of people now, both boys and girls, and I am getting exhausted by it. I want to stop it.

Also, I am afraid of him realising that I am not perfect and that he doesn't like my weaknesses. What my ex did was that he always mentioned by weaknesses, so now I am so aware of them its insane. I am known as the confident one in my girls group, but since my ex I have internal struggles. Just now I got a text from my new boyfriend, and he said that he think its going to be difficult to meet up during the week as he has deadlines and lots of work. Which I already knew, still I choose to look at this as a bad sign. Why am I like this?

I know he likes me a lot etc, I just need to get a grip really because I don't want to make him insecure. How do I do this?

Any advice is welcome... :) Thank you!

[talaniman]

You may be over the ex, but I don't think you have healed properly, and regained your strength sufficiently from what was done to you while you were with him. Its called bringing your past emotional baggage with you to the next relationship, and indicate you have not taken enough time to unpack those bags, and be healthy enough for an adult relationship

The healing process takes time, hard work, and plenty of patience, and cannot be rushed for good results as you work on yourself, and your life. That's where you are, still struggling to put your life together where you can be secure enough within yourself to trust again, and be able to take a risk with others.

I think you may need to slow down, and not be so dependent on this relationship, and learn to love and be happy with yourself again. Then you will be able to regain your confidence and self esteem and take what life throws at you in better stride, and deal with your own feelings much better. Especially your FEAR.

To trust others, you must regain the ability to trust yourself.

[mystific]

Also, I am afraid of him realising that I am not perfect and that he doesn't like my weaknesses.

Believe it or not.. but I can't think of anyone off the top of my head that is perfect. It's also perfectly acceptable to have weaknesses.

I agree with everything Tal said, you must trust yourself before you're able to trust others. But life as it is, is full of pit holes and hurdles.. and in order to let someone in you have to let them know what your fears and weaknesses are.

It's about communication. Being honest and open about the person you are.

Reality is, if they're happy to support you and be there for you, all the more power to you.. if not.. then you politely show them the door, because they're not worth you opening yourself up for more disappointment and setbacks.

[loveher4eva]

Hi well it's a true thing that trust is everything in a relationship. My two year relationship just ended because my ex cheated and I trusted her with everything I had in me.so it would sound like you can't trust anyone but that's not true!
You can be cautious at the start of a relationship but if you fall for someone then trust them with all your heart because the worst outcome is that they break your heart and that is a bad thought but just think of the best outcome!! Love life a future a family. If it has a chance to be real love you must trust and at least you will know if anything bad happens that your lack of trust was never an issue