[Emmer]

Hi everyone,

I would like your advice on the following difficulty I am having at the minute. I was seeing this guy for the past 7 months, most of it was long distance. We met when I was in the same country but then in the middle of it I moved to another country to study for 12 months. During this time we kept in touch svereal times a week and I met up with him when I went home. He never visited me but he was due to in the New Year. However there just seemed to be a lcak of interest on his behalf which I confronted him about and I was right. I ended things 4 days ago wth him because I was making most of the effort and just did not want to be taken for a fool anymore. It's funny though how much it hurts and I didn't think it would. I miss the contact and hearing his voice. One thing about this guy is that he was reliable, kind, very honest which sometimes did hurt. I haven'f found that in many guys. His last text message to me was that he was dealing with emorional issues and just couldn't care for me that way I wanted but he said that if I ever wanted to speak to him or meet up then he would always be there for me and that he sincerely mean't this. I'm inclined to believe him however I will maintain the no contact rule for the moment now until the hurt has passsed. Two things I would like to ask all of you.
1. His birthday is in April and I was thinking of sending him a card but as a friend only because I know in my heart the feeling is gone and would never want to get back with him.
2. He mentioned about meeting and catching up which I would like to do during the summer when the awkwardness has gone.
Are these both bad ideas. One thing I do not want to come across is as a desperate ex wanting to rekindle things which is what I certainly do not want to do. Your views would be appreciated.

[momincali]

Don't set any plans into place just yet, not birthday calls or anything else. Get on with your life and see how it goes.

[talaniman]

Mom is correct, instead of making future plans, work on getting your life together and leave his alone.

[JoeCanada76]

Long distance relationship is completely different. I went through it myself. I felt I was making the most effort and I was ready to give up on it. It did eventually work out. I do not think it is going to work in your case. See my distance was an hour away. Yours is in another country.

I normally plug the no contact rule without exceptions. Others might not agree with me here, but in my own opinion. You might have had a connection but because it was long distance it was not a true relationship in the traditional sense.

No contact rule does not apply to your situation in my opinion.

I would say if you feel comfortable sending him a birthday card, send one. As a friend. This person sounds very sincere. Sounds very caring and I think your best of just as friends and I do believe you both can just remain friends without worry about any one trying for more.

I agree with above do not make definite plans, see how you feel in the summertime. See what you feel is right in your heart and mind and if you think it is a good idea to catch up as friends then I personally do not see anything wrong with that. Or if you still are unsure about things then it would be best not seeing each other. Eighter way it is up to you and how you feel at the time.

So again, The only reason I believe the no contact does not rule apply in this situation is because it was not a true relationship in the first place. It is hard to be more then friends when your not actually with the person. So good luck to you and hope you feel better about your experience.

Joe