[dee0224]

I have a 9 year old son. My son and I reside in Florida, while his father resides in Maryland. There is no court ordered visitation. His father and I were together off and on for about 5-6 years. We were never married. I ended things, because he cheated on me with another woman. Our son was born in Florida and his father even moved to Florida to live, after our son was born. However, he only stayed for a few months before moving back to Maryland, to be with the woman he cheated on me with. My son's father works for an airline and flies for free whenever he wants. Still, even with that luxury, visits were far and few between. I never kept our son from him and anytime he would ask to see him, I would allow it. I even let him take our son out of the country to visit his family on two separate occasions. There were many times he would say he would pick our son up and bring him back to Maryland or come down and stay in Florida to visit and then he would call and cancel last minute. There were many times he would say he will call and then doesn't. I've seen as much time as 4 months go by without seeing his son and more than 2 months without a phone call to speak to his son. Again, he works for an airline and flies for free whenever he wants. He uses that luxury often to fly out to California, New York, or Atlantic City, but rarely to Florida to visit our son. There are many, many occasions he has let our son down and been caught in lies. This is the way its been our son's whole life, until recently.

My son's father started paying child support when our son was two years old, when he had only a minimum hourly wage job. He has paid the same amount from the time our son was two until just a couple of months ago. There were a few occasions I asked my son's father to help me out with dental and medical bills and he flat out told me no. Since that happened on more than one occasion, I filed a review for child support to get our son put on his father's health insurance through his employer. The outcome of the review was our son now has health insurance, the child support amount was increased, and I am owed back pay. I would also like to say that when the judge asked my ex how much he made weekly, he tried to lie. He was caught, because someone was overlooking his taxes while he was being asked.

Since paying more child support, he has been asking to see our son more often, sometimes twice a month. Our son, as I said, is 9 years old and just recently, since last August, got involved in quite a few extracurricular activities. I have not been able to just let our son fly up to Maryland for a weekend once or twice a month, because it now interferes with the extracurricular actitivites he wants to do. I've tried explaining to my ex that our son is growing up, developing interests, and getting involved in things that he wants to do. I also told him that because of that, our son cannot be going back and forth when he decides to spend time with him like when our son was younger. I have told my ex he is more than welcome to come and stay here for a weekend and be apart of and see all our son is doing. My ex thinks that I am purposely being difficult or cutting his time. I don't think it is fair that after nine years, he finally decides to step up and be apart of our son's life, that my son should have to miss out on things he wants to do, because his dad wants him in Maryland that weekend. However, I do want to say, I am not telling him no every time he asks for our son. Our son just spent his Spring Break up in Maryland and also a weekend last month.

A couple of times there has been heated conversations and my ex has made comments like, "it's gonna get ugly," "you are not the law," and "you cannot just cut my time." There really never was any time and as I mentioned before there is no court ordered visitation.

What are his rights? If he filed a petition to have visitation papers drawn up, would any judge see it fit having a 9 year old fly back and forth once or twice a month to another state? If he did file a petition, would it take place in Florida or Maryland?

Please help.

[ScottGem]

First, Florida has jurisdiction. So any court action would have to be filed there.

Second, with no court ordered visitation you are in control. So if he wants more control he has to go to court. What you need to do is document everything. Document the times your son has seen his father, the times he has broken promises. Document your son's activities. So, if he does go to court for regularly scheduled visitation you will be able to show cause why he shouldn't be able to disrupt your son's activities.

I would consult an attorney to see what the chances are that he can get alternate weekends in MD, but I think they are slim. Especially since he can show he can fly whenever he wants.

[JudyKayTee]

If you file - and I don't know why you would - you would file in the State where you and your son reside, where you are residents.

He has rights as a father but he cannot enforce those rights until the Court orders him to do so.

Yes, a Judge could find it reasonable to have the child fly to visit the other parent - but NOT once or twice a month. Probably one or twice a YEAR.

Remind your "ex" that child support and visitation are separate issues. He is not paying support in order to buy time with the child.

Your past history is immaterial at this point. Keep in mind that when you don't have a custody/visitation order the father could keep the son and YOU would have to go to Court to get the child returned to you. The Police will not step in because neither one of you has Court-ordered custody/visitation.

[ScottGem]

Keep in mind that when you don't have a custody/visitation order the father could keep the son and YOU would have to go to Court to get the child returned to you. The Police will not step in because neither one of you has Court-ordered custody/visitation.

While there isn't a visitation order, I believe the OP does have primary custody. Since she is getting support she has been designated the primary custodial parent.

[JudyKayTee]

While there isn't a visitation order, I believe the OP does have primary custody. Since she is getting support she has been designated the primary custodial parent.

I agree with you in theory BUT I would NOT be comfortable with this situation without a visitation or custody order. I wouldn't want to be explaining this to the authorities when the son wasn't returned. It's a lot easier to just refer to the Order.

But, yes, in theory - I agree.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, without a true custody order something needs to be set up.

As for as where to file, since you filed for support what state is that filed in, FL I will assume, and snce you and the child live there, you can file in FL for custody.

But yes, a 9 year can fly on the program airlines have and could be expected to file alone. I doubt he will get it twice a month, but he could get a order to visit twice a month where he could file down and have the child with him at a motel and to do events.

And it works the same as with any other divorced family, he does events with the father, that the father wants to do on his weekend, and events you want to do on your weekends.

But yes several times a year to file up, most likely over holidays like thanksgiving, christmas and the summer