[garnero14]

[southamerica]

How old are you?

[garnero14]

It's so easy for everyone to say that you shouldn't fake it or why would anyone even start doing that. But I unfortunely do, and I'll tell you why. I have been with several very good men. Not losers, dead beats or anything else you can think of. Nice guys who I never faked with. But I can't have an orgasm with any of them and eventually they leave BECAUSE they feel inferior when they have sex with me and just don't want to do it anymore. It's just as simple as that. So what do you guys suggest to those of us who can't make it do? Yes, we would like to orgasm with partner sex but you kind of need a parnter. I believe in honesty and communication in a relationship. I want things to be different and work on it all the time, but how would you feel if the person you were having sex with never got off?

[garnero14]

That's the wonderful part-I'm 31

[martinizing2]

Maybe by saying , "I've been faking my orgasms".

Now why don't we have a discussion about how to stop that.

Maybe a bit too blunt, but that's the basic idea I think you
Need to convey to him.

Do you talk about sex to each other outside of the bedroom?
Or even in the bedroom while having sex?

My bet is you don't or you wouldn't be in this situation.
Men are simple sexually. Easily stimulated to the point of usually trying to avoid orgasm and stay around for more than
The average commercial on TV.

But men are usually cooperative in sexual suggestions , if given outright and not a hint.

Be the cheerleader and head/coach. (I like the phrase)

Get your lines of communication open , be able to discuss anything.
A wise man recently said he didn't understand how you can have sex with someone and not be able to talk to them about it. TAL, talk a lot.

Communication can prevent problems which is easier than curing them most of the time.

[Alty]

How long have the two of you been together?

Why have you been faking it?

Have you ever talked to him about what you like in the bedroom, about what turns you on? Is he receptive to talking about sex? Will he listen if you tell him what you like, or is it all about him and his ego as a great lover?

It's not going to be easy to tell him that you've been faking all of this time. It's going to be even harder to explain why you've been faking.

If you've never told him how you feel, or told him what you like, then you have only yourself to blame. Men aren't mind readers, and every woman is different. Expecting him to magically know what buttons to hit if you don't give him instructions, that's setting him up for failure.

So, sit down with him, let him know that you're not completely satisfied with the sex you two are having. If you've tried to tell him in the past and he wouldn't listen, then make sure he knows that. If you've never told him in the past then take responsibility for that, and make sure he knows that it's not his fault, that you're now willing to give him the key to the city, the map to the treasure. :)

Communication. If you don't have that, you'll never had a completely fulfilling relationship.

[ScottGem]

Give him a copy of When Harry Met Sally.

[Alty]

Give him a copy of When Harry Met Sally.

LMAO! And then casually say "you know the scene where she's faking the orgasm? Well, I'm a much better actor then she is". :cool:

[Synnen]

Have you EVER had an orgasm?

Can you bring YOURSELF to orgasm?

[martinizing2]

It's so easy for everyone to say that you shouldn't fake it or why would anyone even start doing that. But I unfortunely do, and I'll tell you why. I have been with several very good men. Not losers, dead beats or anything else you can think of. Nice guys who I never faked with. But I can't have an orgasm with any of them and eventually they leave BECAUSE they feel inferior when they have sex with me and just don't want to do it anymore. It's just as simple as that. So what do you guys suggest to those of us who can't make it do? Yes, we would like to orgasm with partner sex but you kinda need a parnter. I believe in honesty and communication in a relationship. I want things to be different and work on it all the time, but how would you feel if the person you were having sex with never got off?

We work on different skins at this site and it can cause some posts to be delayed in posting. Again I apologize for my first post.

Have you consulted a professional?
Counselor , Sex Therapist , psychologist ?

[Alty]

We work on different skins at this site and it can cause some posts to be delayed in posting. Again I apologize for my first post.

Have you consulted a professional?
Counselor , Sex Therapist , psychologist ?

That post was on an old thread, I RIP'd it and asked that it be added here, seeing as it does give a lot more info.

The post wasn't directed at anything that was said here. :)

[talaniman]

QUOTE by garnero14;
It's so easy for everyone to say that you shouldn't fake it or why would anyone even start doing that. But I unfortunately do, and I'll tell you why. I have been with several very good men. Not losers, dead beats or anything else you can think of. Nice guys who I never faked with. But I can't have an orgasm with any of them and eventually they leave BECAUSE they feel inferior when they have sex with me and just don't want to do it anymore.

You are responsible for your own pleasure, and its more you not knowing yourself than anything they are doing. They don't feel inferior, they feel like they can't please you, and what's the point then. Faking it is the same as lying, and will never get you what you want. Maybe the were nice guys, and not deadbeats or losers, but they didn't have a clue what to tell you, or do for you.

So what do you guys suggest to those of us who can't make it do? Yes, we would like to orgasm with partner sex but you kind of need a partner. I believe in honesty and communication in a relationship. I want things to be different and work on it all the time, but how would you feel if the person you were having sex with never got off?

Practice what you preach, if you believe in communications, and honesty, then tell your partner what turns you on, and if you don't know, find out, by experimenting, and exploring. With them, or without them. Are you up for that? I bet your partners would be too.

Sex and pleasure is more than just doing it you know, it starts in the mind and influences the body. That's where your missed climaxes are, stuck somewhere in your brain, and you have to practice letting them out.

Warning: Reinforce all chandeliers before trying to swing from them.

[southamerica]

You HAVE to be able to communicate with him, and you have to be comfortable with him enough to focus on yourself if you want to achieve it. I think you put too much pressure on yourself because you're afraid of being left again-and that pressure is never going to work on your body.

You have to be 100% focused on that goal, and your partner has to be 100% patient with your body if you want to achieve climax. It's just the way it is with many women.

Before I was able to achieve that, my thought process was always in the way: whether my mind wandered, or I was too worried about his pleasure, or I was worried about reaching climax. You just have to commit to it. Once you find out how your body likes it, it will get easier.

At least that is how it worked out for me.

Edit: I just wanted to add, that you must be honest with him. I'm sure he'll ultimately understand your insecurities. The fact is: if he doesn't know what your goals are, he won't be able to help you get there. Good luck!

[garnero14]

I know what I like and what I don't like. And yes I can and do get myself off. I can't do it with a partner is all. And changing that isn't my goal, I just want to build a much more honest relationship with him. For the first 4 months of our relationship, I didn't fake ever. I enjoyed the sex and wanted to keep it up. The sexual part of our relationship began to slide downhill, he wanted to do it less and less, and if I made a move on him to iniate sexual contact he would blow me off. This was after just 4 months. I understand that sometimes he is tired or whatever. But when it got to be 2+ weeks between sex, I began to fake it and guess what then he wants to do it 2 or 3 times a week again. I do communicate with him if I have a particular fantsy and he is willing to carry it out. I don't want to fix the problem of not being able to orgasm, I just want to stop lying about it but continue to build a healthy relationship. How can I make him understand that my never having an orgasm doesn't mean I don't want/like/love the sex we do have? And maybe this will help, The guys that are answering my question, how would you truly feel if your woman never came? Be honest, please. Maybe I can use how you guys answer to dispel his fears/insecurities.

[QLP]

I'm female so can't answer your specific query.

I know you say achieving orgasm with your partner isn't your goal but you do want to stop lying and achieve more honesty. Why not both? You say you can give yourself an orgasm so why not show your partner just how you do so?

Firstly, I would be very surprised if he doesn't find watching you do so erotic. Secondly, it's not a huge step from him watching to him joining in and learning how to help you reach orgasm. And thirdly, showing our partner exactly what we like is about as honest as it gets.

I'm not suggesting you do it in a, 'I have to fake because you do it wrong and this is what you should be doing.' kind of way though. I'm suggesting it as a way of bridging the gap.

If you just want to admit you don't orgasm, and don't want to change that, then all you can do is be honest about it and explain that you still very much enjoy the sex anyway.

[martinizing2]

If the faking the big O is the only dishonest thing you
Have between you two, this should be something that you can
Deal with.

True the fragile male ego can and will be a rough spot to
Work around (especially if it concerns sex) but if you can't
Talk about it you shouldn't be doing it. (that is quoting Tal)

I know of a couple of my friends wives have the same problem
And they have been together for 31 years without him being
Responsible for a single orgasm from her.

I know this because they will talk to a few friends about it.
She faked it for almost 5 years before she managed to tell him.
He was very angry she lied and hurt because she didn't "give him
the chance to take care of the problem" as he put it.

And when he ad the chance , he couldn't do it.
She said almost the same thing that she enjoyed it , and
Would hardly ever refuse him and was content to settle the
Problem herself after he had rolled over and gone to sleep.

So the next while he was so concerned about getting her there
He said it became "work, not fun".
He stressed to where he began to have issues keeping an erection.

They were on the brink of divorce , or dueling pistols,
When they went to a counselor , also against his preferences

Now he is a cheerleader for counseling. He said he learned
What communication was there and it made his entire life better.
Which it does.

I would suggest you do all you can to get into counseling,
It makes a world of difference.

And always work on communication , the ability to discuss
Issues without fighting about the disagreements is gold.
It is the basis for a long and happy life with someone you love.
That makes it worth any amount of effort to achieve.

[talaniman]

Scared he would leave if you told him the truth?

[Cat1864]

For the first 4 months of our relationship, i didn't fake ever. I enjoyed the sex and wanted to keep it up. The sexual part of our relationship began to slide downhill, he wanted to do it less and less, and if I made a move on him to iniate sexual contact he would blow me off. This was after just 4 months. I understand that sometimes he is tired or whatever. But when it got to be 2+ weeks inbetween sex, I began to fake it and guess what then he wants to do it 2 or 3 times a week again.

This is probably going sound harsh to you and you probably won't like what I am trying to say, but from what I am reading I think you need to stop and think.

How long have the two of you been together? Is there more to this relationship than sex?

I get the impression that you have given up having an orgasm with a partner and I wonder if when you aren't faking having one that resignation is apparent to your partner. How much of the thought 'I'll finish myself off later' is there when you are having sex and could you be subconsciously communicating that thought?

When were you planning to build up the trust in this relationship? It seems to me that you started having sex with him before you learned to trust him enough to communicate with him and I am not sure why he is in the relationship if instead of communicating with you he was distancing himself.

I think both of you need to sit down and have an open and honest discussion about sex, orgasms, and most of all the relationship. If he leaves you because you have been lying to him, that's the way it will be. I am not sure I would want to be with someone who can't accept me for myself. However, he could be willing to work with you and what you have tried in the past might have a much better outcome with him or he could have some ideas you haven't tried, but if you have already made your mind up that absolutely nothing will help you climax with a partner, then nothing will.

How you approach the subject and your willingness to consider his thoughts and ideas, will probably be the deciding factor in how he reacts.

Good luck and I hope whatever you decide to do or say works out for the best.