[puffs28]

Thi post is completely separate of any of my other post. I've come to the conclusion that I maybe spending the rest of my life without a man. It's not that I need a man, I'd want a man, but only a real man and it seems what I consider a real man doesn't exist at all.
I can't seem to accept that men are constantly sexually attracted to the women that pass by them during their day or fantasize about women on TV or in interent porn. I'm not the kind of woman/person who has ever been sexually attracted to any man that I don't know. I don't seem to have any thoughts pertaining to ones outward appearance, I also don't consider my body as myself. I take great care of my body, but it isn't who I am.

I was also raised by my single father who taught my sisters and I about repect for others and ourselves. He has always been against porn or looking at any woman in a lustful way, he just thinks that looking at a woman as a sex object is very disrespectful of her. He's the kind of man that told a woman who was walking into the supermarket in front of him that her dress was see -through and he just wanted to let her know because he didn't think she'd want the world seeing all her goods.

So I am attracted to someone only after I get to know them and only if I like who they are as a person. I've been this way my whole life. I love having sex and unsertsand the importance of a great and satisfying sexual relationship and intimacy.

I just can't seem to accept men or a man I maybe with looking at other women, if I'm with them or not with them, I don't accept porn for MANY reasons and I never buy the line, "that's just how men are". I know men and women weren' meant to be the same, but it's also hard for me to accept that this is just the way men are, seeing as their behaviors that are suppose to be'ok' hurt the women in their lives and ruin relationships.

To me a man is a male who looks at himself as an individual first and foremost, a male that respects ALL people and living things, a male that lives his life with the a way of measuring the right/wrong, good/ bad of his actions by this one thought,"act as if the person you love is always with you, if there is something you would do but know if they were there you'd never do it, then you shouldn't be doing it." That's my Dads thinking and I tend to agree.

Any other women out there like me? It seems in this world of sex EVERYWHRE and men and women having more easy access to all sorts of things that do nothing positive for them as indivuals or for the relationshp, everyone seems to just be accepting what's been handed to us about relationships and sexuality. So it's seems that if men really are all the same, I'm never going to be able to love and accept a man and that makes me sad, but I also honestly cannot conform. I mean, I wish I could, it would make my life SO much easier. But no matter how hard I've tried to accept all the things I can't live with, I just can't. And I consider myself to be a very open and accepting person. So I have decided it's better to be alone than live with behaviors and thoughts that I can't deal with.

This just seems to be who I am, any other women or even men that feel the same. Not EXACTLY same, but have thoughts closely related. And I of course want to hear from all of you who think I'm crazy and don't agree.

Thanks all!

[talaniman]

Glad you know yourself so well that you can stick by your guns and don't settle for anything less. Be patient and keep living your life and lose the negative rant, it sounds so... negative.

[puffs28]

Glad you know yourself so well that you can stick by your guns and don't settle for anything less. Be patient and keep living your life and lose the negative rant, it sounds so...................negative.

I can be as negative as I want to be if I want to. I wasn't writing a post to be negative, I have negative FEELINGS about men and there is nothing wrong with that, so why don't you keep your useless, lose the negative rant crap to yourself. And, you're male, right, so that's probably why you think what I said was completely negative. Maybe you should actually think about the things I said, really think about, then you'd see I am not a neagtive person at all, quite the opposite, I'm just trying to figure out what others views are concering men and sexuality and relationships... thanks for nothing, greatly appreciated:-) yeah right!

[ForeverZero]

Yea, something tells me you won't be alone by choice.

[phillysteakandcheese]

By painting "all men" the same way, you're really insulating yourself from potential relationships. Of course not all men are into porn, or lustful towards women. I mean really now - Your father wasn't that way. Why paint every man with the same brush?

You sound hurt and angry, and I think that is coloring your perspective right now.

However - You're not crazy or expecting the unattainable. You're looking for a specific kind of guy... One that you haven't met yet. One that may not be that common - at least not in the places where you've been looking.

[talaniman]

Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Glad you know yourself so well that you can stick by your guns and don't settle for anything less. Be patient and keep living your life and lose the negative rant, it sounds so...................negative.

Why did you overlook the other part of my comment to just jump to the obvious? Did I strike a nerve or what?

[chuff]

This is not a slam on you but maybe you should be a little more open and flexible about men. I'm not suggesting you divert from your core values and in fact I compliment you for having some.

But to just say the 3 billion of us on the planet are all the same is ridicules. To say that we all love porn or look at every woman as a sex object just leads me to believe you haven't met to many of us and if you have you've met the wrong ones.

Many men have been loyal to their girlfriends/wives and some do it for over half a century so please open you landscape a little and see that many quality men are around.

[momincali]

Wow, puffs, I really admire the way you were raised. Your dad is a truly awesome one of a kind guy. They broke the mold with him.

It's nice to read something from a woman who knows who she is, what she wants and will not settle for less. There are so many unfortunately who don't see their own value or even have enough respect for themselves to demand that respect from others.

I'm married with 3 children and my husband, is in my opinion, also one of a kind. We met when I was 18. He's loving, smart, honest, warm, funny as all heck and most admirable, he's one of the most trustworthy, trusting individuals I know and handsome to boot. His eyes attracted me to him. Not his long curly eyelashes, but the warmth and sincerity in them. I didn't know him from Adam and had no reason to trust him, but again, I had no reason not to. I made myself vulnerable to him, therefore putting myself/feelings at great risk, but I'm glad I did. Is he perfect, come on, who is? He isn't into porno but he isn't blind either, if there's a pretty girl in the room, I'm sure he'll look at her, but not gawk, that would be disrespectful to all of us. Maybe you have never seen a man who is strikingly gorgeous, but I have, and that kind of attraction is lightning fast and superficial. It's just a quick dose of eye-candy. You don't sit there and dwell on it, just a quick "whoa, he's cute..." okay, thought gone. Nothing wrong with that. If it becomes lustful, that's a problem, but most men are able to control that if they choose to.

I guess it's possible that you will spend your life without a man, no need to go out looking for him, but he may be out there looking for you. If he does find you, I hope you don't reject him just because he has two eyes on the front of his face.

[ordinaryguy]

Well, I went back and read through both of your previous threads about your nine year relationship with your cheating boyfriend, and I almost decided to pass on any response at all, but for some reason, here I am. What I'm hearing is a very ambivalent and contradictory story. On the one hand, you are at pains to emphasize how high your standards and ideals are where men are concerned. On the other hand, you spent nine years with a guy who cheated on you FOUR TIMES (that you know about), and was an inveterate porn dog as well. I have to conclude that while you may cherish your high ideals, you have (so far, at least) been willing to settle for WAY less when it came right down to it. A person who truly honored those ideals would have been out of there in a heartbeat after the FIRST cheating episode. So you might want to reflect a bit on that gap between concepts and behavior.

I've come to the conclusion that I maybe spending the rest of my life without a man.

This is progress. Better to do without than betray your ideals. Lots of women have lived their whole life without a man and got along just fine. It's far less damaging than living with a man you don't respect, and who regards you the same way.

I'd want a man, but only a real man and it seems what I consider a real man doesn't exist at all.

It sounds like you want a carbon copy of your father. But you may be right that there aren't any more like him.

I was also raised by my single father who taught my sisters and I about repect for others and ourselves. He has always been against porn or looking at any woman in a lustful way, he just thinks that looking at a woman as a sex object is very disrespectful of her.

Well, it depends on the woman, doesn't it? Some women clearly do want to be the objects of male lust, and they don't feel disrespected by it, they feel successful when they achieve it. I'm not saying they're wise to feel this way, but it's what they choose and how they want to project themselves. I'm also not saying that men who are attracted to women like that are wise, but it takes all kinds, and like attracts like. So as always, it's dangerous to generalize.

He's the kind of man that told a woman who was walking into the supermarket in front of him that her dress was see -through and he just wanted to let her know because he didn't think she'd want the world seeing all her goods.

Sounds kind of presumptuous and prudish to me. I've never known a woman to wear see-through clothes without knowing it.

So it's seems that if men really are all the same, I'm never going to be able to love and accept a man and that makes me sad, but I also honestly cannot conform. I mean, I wish I could, it would make my life SO much easier. But no matter how hard I've tried to accept all the things I can't live with, I just can't.

Well, of course all men are not cheaters and porn dogs, and just because you spent nine years with one who was, doesn't necessarily mean you'll never find one who isn't. Getting free of him would certainly be a necessary first step though.

[chuff]

"chuff agrees: Thank you. I"

Sorry Ordinary Guy I hit enter by accident so I didn't get to finish.

I was going to say Thank you for taking the time to research this poster. And since I'm posting now, I'm going to rant. It is incredibly insulting to me as a man that even dare compare me to some one that cheated on you four times that your aware of. It is insulting to me as a man who has spent the last 12 or 13 years of his dating life being the "nice guy" trying to please many different women only to be used in the end. At a very young age I vowed NOT to be the guy your were with and become the person you described and would not be someone who uses women. In the end it usually met I was the one getting cheated on or dumped. And yet I would hear constantly from women like you, "I want a guy that's loyal," and "I want someone that appreciates me" and yet when they had that they left for guys like you had for 9 years. I have zero sympathy for you. There is a wealth of great guys who can't catch a break to save there lives. There are a wealth of guys who are so confused by these mixed messages from women and all they want to do is actually make them happy. There are a wealth of guys that mean well and do what they think is best. There are a wealth of guys who are and can be loyal, loving, caring, selfless, and have a good personality. It's not my fault you stayed with a cheater hoping he'd change while there were better guys that were already like that. It's not any man's fault.

Maybe it's you who should be a little more realistic about who we are instead of judging us based on one guy and your preconceived notions.

[Synnen]

Constantly sexually attracted to any and all women that they see, whether she's walking by or on porn? Come on! If that were the case, women would hold ALL of the power in the world because men would be too busy getting whiplash from trying to see all the women out there!

I've only ever once dated a guy who cheated... and there were extenuating circumstances with that. I've forgiven him, and moved on. I wouldn't call him my friend, exactly... but we do occasionally run into each other and talk (same group of friends and all that).

My husband likes to look at a pretty woman if he sees one... but I guess I don't really mind because he'll lean over and tell me how she doesn't compare to me.

Unless you're blind (in which case the issues are going to be different), most people will notice an attractive member of the opposite sex. I think most people notice attractive members of the same sex, as well. Looking and touching are two different things.

I think it's great that you have standards that you are willing to hold. But... you're generalizing. Men aren't all cheaters and liars and sex-addicts. MOST of them aren't any of those things.

However, if you want a man that NEVER notices a pretty woman, or one who is deliberately showing off her wares... you'd better marry a blind man.

[puffs28]

GOD! First of all, I didn't say all men are the same, my dad is proof of that. What I am saying is that if all men are the same, excluding my Dad, then there is no way I can have a relationship with a man. Who's to say I've never seen a man that was gorgous, maybe I did see him but thought nothing about a mans looks. Have left the guy I was with for 9 years, so I don't want to hear anything about that, also, he isn't the only man I've been with, I've had many other boyfriends before him and at the times we have been broken up, so I am speaking from MANY experiences, not just one.

But it's like I said, and all you have a proved my point, I AM the only woman in the world who has no problem with sexuality in general, but I don't want to deal with a man that is checking other women out, or looking at porn, or cheating. And I don't know any man that looks at a pretty woman and just think she's just pretty, I think mens thoughts go a little further than that.

So I am very very comfortable with who I am and what I want. So what, I don't fit into the mold of what this society thinks is OK. I am not the kind of woman who doesn't appreciate what a man can bring to the table that is different from what I can bring. I just feel like itf I am the way that I am, just not comfortable or approving of that stuff, then maybe there is a man out there that thinks and feels the same way, has the same values.

I guess I'm saying thanks for re-affirming even more for me that I am OK and glad that I don't fall into the norm or accept things that I don't feel are acceptable.

[puffs28]

Constantly sexually attracted to any and all women that they see, whether she's walking by or on porn? Come on! If that were the case, women would hold ALL of the power in the world because men would be too busy getting whiplash from trying to see all the women out there!

I've only ever once dated a guy who cheated...and there were extenuating circumstances with that. I've forgiven him, and moved on. I wouldn't call him my friend, exactly...but we do occasionally run into each other and talk (same group of friends and all that).

My husband likes to look at a pretty woman if he sees one...but I guess I don't really mind because he'll lean over and tell me how she doesn't compare to me.

Unless you're blind (in which case the issues are going to be different), most people will notice an attractive member of the opposite sex. I think most people notice attractive members of the same sex, as well. Looking and touching are two different things.

I think it's great that you have standards that you are willing to hold. But...you're generalizing. Men aren't all cheaters and liars and sex-addicts. MOST of them aren't any of those things.

However, if you want a man that NEVER notices a pretty woman, or one who is deliberately showing off her wares...you'd better marry a blind man.

Duh, women DO hold all the power in the world!

[puffs28]

Constantly sexually attracted to any and all women that they see, whether she's walking by or on porn? Come on! If that were the case, women would hold ALL of the power in the world because men would be too busy getting whiplash from trying to see all the women out there!

I've only ever once dated a guy who cheated...and there were extenuating circumstances with that. I've forgiven him, and moved on. I wouldn't call him my friend, exactly...but we do occasionally run into each other and talk (same group of friends and all that).

My husband likes to look at a pretty woman if he sees one...but I guess I don't really mind because he'll lean over and tell me how she doesn't compare to me.

Unless you're blind (in which case the issues are going to be different), most people will notice an attractive member of the opposite sex. I think most people notice attractive members of the same sex, as well. Looking and touching are two different things.

I think it's great that you have standards that you are willing to hold. But...you're generalizing. Men aren't all cheaters and liars and sex-addicts. MOST of them aren't any of those things.

However, if you want a man that NEVER notices a pretty woman, or one who is deliberately showing off her wares...you'd better marry a blind man.

I think if your husband notices a pretty woman and then tells you that she doesn't compare to you is lying, why would he need to look if he feels that no woman compares to you?

[puffs28]

Ok ALL, I'm done posting on this site, I am SO tired of people responding that I am making all men to be the same, when the hell did I ever say that! Anyway, thanks, but no thanks.

[puffs28]

OH, but lastly, to all you men and women out there, I don't ever appreciate a man looking at me with that look that says " I think you're so hot, if only you were mine for a sec..." I am also the woman, who when I see aa couple walking out and the man looks at me, obviously being attracted to me, I call him out right in front of the woman he loves an dI tell him to stop checking out the other women in the world and start focusing on the one you have. I support women, I make sure I conduct myself in a way that I am not making men check me out because I don't want to spark that thought of lust a man may have for me, but is in a relationship. I hear all of you say how looking and touching are 2 different things, and they maybe, but no one can tell me that looking and thinking keep you only a few steps from stepping outside your relationship. One step away from fantasizing about a woman you see or wish you could be with while you are in a relationship only takes energy away from a relationship and to me that isn't right, ALL energy should be put into the relationship and none into cotemplating, daydreaming, wishing about some other woman than the one you are with.

[Synnen]

Because she's pretty? I mean, jeez... don't YOU notice when a person is pretty... male OR female? It's like pointing out a kid is cute, or a kitten is adorable or a rainbow after a sudden squall or a sunset that lines the clouds in purple. When something is pretty, you don't NOT notice it just because it happens to be human!

I trust my husband completely. He'll notice the pretty ones, then turn to me and say "yeah...she's cute...but her smile is NOTHING compared to yours" or "she may have a great figure, but your posture is better, showing that you have more confidence" or "God, look at all that makeup! She must be high maintenace! I'm so glad I have you!"

Thing is... he's sincere. He's not saying it to get my mind off the pretty girl he noticed. Also, I'm confident enough in myself that I'll point out pretty people... "Look honey! Isn't her hair gorgeous?" and usually he'll agree, but find something he likes better about me. He's ALWAYS done it, even before we were dating!

Just because you're perfectly happy with someone doesn't mean you don't notice other people. That's HUMAN. It's not like he's pointing out women every time we go out, either.

Honestly... if you want to think he's lying just to make me happy, you go on with your bad self. I'm not the one who is unhappy. I realize that my husband loves ME. He comes home to ME, and would never cheat on ME. He makes me happy on a level I didn't even know existed before he came along.

See... the thing to keep in mind is trust. And respect. Most men don't OGLE women. They look. Just like most women don't stare at men, but do notice a good looking man. That's part of being in the world.

If you'd rather have a man who never looks at women... great! That means he's not going to be looking at YOU either! (or it means that he's gay and is looking at the guys.)

[puffs28]

Because she's pretty? I mean, jeez...don't YOU notice when a person is pretty...male OR female? It's like pointing out a kid is cute, or a kitten is adorable or a rainbow after a sudden squall or a sunset that lines the clouds in purple. When something is pretty, you don't NOT notice it just because it happens to be human!

I trust my husband completely. He'll notice the pretty ones, then turn to me and say "yeah...she's cute...but her smile is NOTHING compared to yours" or "she may have a great figure, but your posture is better, showing that you have more confidence" or "God, look at all that makeup! She must be high maintenace! I'm so glad I have you!"

Thing is...he's sincere. He's not saying it to get my mind off of the pretty girl he noticed. Also, I'm confident enough in myself that I'll point out pretty people..."Look honey! Isn't her hair gorgeous?" and usually he'll agree, but find something he likes better about me. He's ALWAYS done it, even before we were dating!

Just because you're perfectly happy with someone doesn't mean you don't notice other people. That's HUMAN. It's not like he's pointing out women every time we go out, either.

Honestly...if you want to think he's lying just to make me happy, you go on with your bad self. I'm not the one who is unhappy. I realize that my husband loves ME. He comes home to ME, and would never cheat on ME. He makes me happy on a level I didn't even know existed before he came along.

See...the thing to keep in mind is trust. And respect. Most men don't OGLE women. They look. Just like most women don't stare at men, but do notice a good looking man. That's part of being in the world.

If you'd rather have a man who never looks at women...great! That means he's not going to be looking at YOU either! (or it means that he's gay and is looking at the guys.)

"I mean, jeez...don't YOU notice when a person is pretty...male OR female?"

No, I don't.

[Skell]

"I mean, jeez...don't YOU notice when a person is pretty...male OR female?"

No, I don't.

Well sadly you have more problems than can be solved here.

I hope you find happiness one day because by the sounds of it at the moment you are a long way from it!

Good luck!

[puffs28]

Because she's pretty? I mean, jeez...don't YOU notice when a person is pretty...male OR female? It's like pointing out a kid is cute, or a kitten is adorable or a rainbow after a sudden squall or a sunset that lines the clouds in purple. When something is pretty, you don't NOT notice it just because it happens to be human!

I trust my husband completely. He'll notice the pretty ones, then turn to me and say "yeah...she's cute...but her smile is NOTHING compared to yours" or "she may have a great figure, but your posture is better, showing that you have more confidence" or "God, look at all that makeup! She must be high maintenace! I'm so glad I have you!"

Thing is...he's sincere. He's not saying it to get my mind off of the pretty girl he noticed. Also, I'm confident enough in myself that I'll point out pretty people..."Look honey! Isn't her hair gorgeous?" and usually he'll agree, but find something he likes better about me. He's ALWAYS done it, even before we were dating!

Just because you're perfectly happy with someone doesn't mean you don't notice other people. That's HUMAN. It's not like he's pointing out women every time we go out, either.

Honestly...if you want to think he's lying just to make me happy, you go on with your bad self. I'm not the one who is unhappy. I realize that my husband loves ME. He comes home to ME, and would never cheat on ME. He makes me happy on a level I didn't even know existed before he came along.

See...the thing to keep in mind is trust. And respect. Most men don't OGLE women. They look. Just like most women don't stare at men, but do notice a good looking man. That's part of being in the world.

If you'd rather have a man who never looks at women...great! That means he's not going to be looking at YOU either! (or it means that he's gay and is looking at the guys.)

Shesh! I'm so glad that you love it for your husband to point out the pretty ones so that you can both agree they are pretty, but move on to talk about 1 aspect about you that makes the other women your husband is looking at not like you. Like I said, and you never answered. IF your husband thinks so much of you then why does he even have the urge, but much more, actually check out other women. I mean, this makes no sense to me. IF you were hi true beauty there wouldn't be other women that catch his eye because you are it.

And no, I don't think holding hands with the person you love and walking past a woman that is attractive in anyway, the same as saying a kid is cute. Are you serious about that?

And like I said, I just abviously don't have that "HUMAN" thing, as you put it, to think about another mans looks or a woman's looks. And,you are EXACTLY right! I don't want a man that is going to approach me because he thinks I'm pretty, I want a man that only wants to get to know who I am inside and if I am beautiful to him then so will my physical appreance be beautiful to him.