[iggy89]

Me and my boyfriend were going out for about 1 yr and 10 months, I was living with him and came down to North Carolina to visit my parents for my birthday. The very day I got down here my boyfriend cheated on me and then broke up with me and left me for a girl he knew for less than a day on my birthday! I moved down to NC and we started talking about a montha later and started dating again about a month after that. Everything was fine and the distance was tearing us apart at all, but then I made out with this guy at a club and I didn't tell him for a couple months, now he doesn't want to be with me anymore but he still tells me he loves me I don't know what to do I want to earn his trust back but he won't give me a chance I love him so much he's everything to me. What do I do?? Please help me!!

[Pagan_soul]

Are you really sure you love him? If you could allow yourself to cheat on him, and then not even tell him immediately, then I doubt your love is real. I know that if I cheated on my boyfriend, I'd be having second thoughts about my feelings for him.

And if you do love him, are you sure you could stay in a one sided relationship, if he were to take you back? Could you be with him, knowing that he may not love you like you love him?

Personally, I know I couldn't. I couldn't be in a relationship where the love was one sided. No matter how painfull it was to end it.

[iggy89]

Yes I know I really love him I know I could be with him for the rest of my life and he usta feel like that to I didn't tell him because I knew this was going to happen and I really didn't want to loose him he's done so much for/to me to regain my trust after my birthday and know that I'm the one that screwed it up he doesn't want to work it out I just want him to love me like he did before all this happened I want to be happy with him again

[puffs28]

The only thing you can do is give him the space he needs and the time he needs. He is the only one that can really forgive you and be with you again if he really wants to and feels he can. But I'm sure you understand how he feels, you're a hypocrite because he cheated and you were devastated and he left you. Then, I think you said you cheated on him by making out with another guy, so you can imagine how he may feel a little extra hurt, knowing that you know the pain of being betrayed.

So you have to be an honest person all the time and if he decides he wants to be with you, then great, and if he decides he just can get over it, then you have to accept this and move on, as hard as it maybe. You can't erase your mistakes and people can't erase or ignore the pain inside them once they have been betrayed.

So you have to relax, tell him you love him, want to be with him forever and if he can be with you again you want him to let you know, but in the meantime you want to give him whatever it is that he needs to cope.

Love can forgive so many things, it can overcome so many things. So don't lose hope, but just be honest and realistic.

Good luck!:-)

[chuff]

Your about to get Chuffed.

me and my boyfriend were going out for about 1 yr and 10 months, i was living with him and came down to north carolina to visit my parents for my birthday. the very day i got down here my boyfriend cheated

So he can't be trusted.

on me and then broke up with me and left me for a girl he knew for less than a day on my birthday!!

And he doesn't care for you. At all. Not one bit. He gambled away almost 2 years of his life on someone he knew for hours. That also makes him incredibly stupid.

I mean usually when guys have a stand by girlfriend, which is what you are, they are much smarter about it. You stand by as his girlfriend until he finds some he' rather be with. Well anyway, when guys have stand by girlfriends usually the guys are smart enough to get to know the other girl before they drop one for the other. He's so stupid he didn't even do that.

i moved down to NC and we started talking about a montha later and started dating again about a month after that.

So you are attracted to cheating, lying, stupidity, selfishness, and coldheartedness. Why? I'd rather be alone that to put up with that.

everything was fine and the distance was tearing us apart at all,

It was tearing you apart. He was screwing other girls.

but then i made out with this guy at a club and i didnt tell him for a couple months,

Let's be honest if you were in a healthy relationship where there was trust, communication, strength, integrity, and commitment you wouldn't be making out at the bar.

Save the "I was drunk" excuse for someone else.

now he dosnt want to be with me anymore but he still tells me he loves me

He's stringing you along. He doesn't care because he's already having sex with other girls. Remember that time he cheated on you. Remember that time he dumped you after almost 2 years for that girl he knew for a couple hours. Those are my clues. Make them your reality.

i dont know what to do i want to earn his trust back

Shouldn't this question becoming from him? Did I miss something here?

but he wont give me a chance i love him so much hes everything to me. what do i do????? please help me!!!!

If this is everything to you I suggest opening yourself up and looking at the world with a broader picture. This guy is a tool. He's using you. He's stringing you along. He's cheating on you. I can't believe you forgave him for dumping you for some girl he met hours before. Doesn't that waken you up to how he values you?

I'd tell you it was over but the truth was it never started. Remove this guy from your life.

[wap]

He doesn't sound like the guy for you.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Well, Chuff said it best so not much to add to this one except...

1.) 2 wrongs don't make a right

2.) You are both cheaters

3.) He did not care about you and is a p**t

4.) You are not right for one another, not for all this to happen

5.) Forget him and Move On!

6.) Learn from your own mistakes

7.) Forget whether he learns from his

[talaniman]

You could be sad and miserable all you want, without this cheating loser. Try it. You'll like it!!

[iggy89]

listen you don't know how our relationship is he's not one of those guys that goes out and screws mad girls and he has done a lot!! To regain my trust he doesn't party anymore he doesn't talk to any girls he bought me a diamond necklace for x-mas and drove me all the way back home to NC from NY if that's not love then I don't know what it is

[chuff]

Wow. There are a lot of them in denial today.

listen you dont know how our relationship is

Actually you're the one that doesn't know how your relationship is. I see right through him. When you get dumped again, maybe you will too. I doubt it though. Sounds like you going to have to get dumped several times before you wake up. Some women never do, maybe you'll become on of those.

hes not one of those guys that goes out and screws mad girls

BWHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Oh my. That was a good one.

All right lets answer that with this post from Iggy89. Hey that's you!

very day i got down here my boyfriend cheated on me

Hmm sounds like he does go out and screw mad girls. And since he had just met her he also screws sluts. Since he screws sluts, what does he think of you. You know besides the cheating and dumping you for another girl he met hours ago, which of course, shows he loves you.

and he has done a lot!!! to regain my trust he dosnt party anymore he dosnt talk to any girls he bought me a diamond necklace for x-mas

So he bought his regular stand by a Christmas present. He must be the first guy to think of that.

and drove me all the way back home to NC from NY if thats not love then i dont know what it is

I know you don't.

Love is not using someone.
Love is not dumping someone for someone else.
Love is not cheating on someone.
Love is respect.
Love is not a back up plan.
Love is trust.

Maybe some day you'll dump the boy and date men who can show you that.

[puffs28]

I guess some of us here wonder why you would cheat on a man you say you love. Also, from your last post, I don't understand why you'd want to be with him anyway. I would almost bet he is going to cheat on you again, if he hasn't already.

If you both wanted to be together then you both should have made the right choices to make your relationship work, but niether of you did. As sad as it maybe, I say save yourself anymore pain and drama, doesn't seem worth it at all.

I know you say that he's trying to prove to you he can be trustworthy, but a diamond necklace means NOTHING, he is your boyfriend he is SUPPOSE to pick you up and take you where ever it is you need to go. And he doesn't party anymore, well, great, but if he has a cheating heart, he doesn't need to party to cheat. If he really loved you you wouldn't even be in this situation, I'd like to think.

I'm saying, that while you list things that you believe proves that he loves. To me and I'm sure many others, the things you list are things that should be expected, getting gifts, not going out and partying without you. These are not signs that he is working hard to gain your trust.

I knowl, I SO KNOW it's hard to leave a man you love. But think about all he's done to you and all you've done to him. The scars you both have from this relationship run deep, I am sure. Cut your loses, leave him, be a better person for yourself and ben with a real man who isn't going to cheat on you. ALSO you should do your own soul searching so that you can be ready and worthy of a great and healthy relationship. You need to ask yourself what you really believe about cheating, would you ever cheat again in your lifetime? Do you respect yourself enough to not make out with random guys you meet out and about somewhere.

I don't want to see you hurt and from the loos of your relationship, you both will hurt each other contiunually, and that just shouldn't be acceptable.

Ok, so now I said my part and so have many others on this site. NOW it comes down to YOU and what it is YOU want and this is best for you and him.

You'll be OK, pain doesn't last forever. Just remember that we don't have feelings for no reason at all. Our feelings is our bodies qay of letting you know that something is happening that you should be aware of. It's like the check engine light that goes off and on on a car. The light is there to let you know to check out the life of the car. So it is with us humans, feelings are there to make us aware, make us think and help us decide. Just listening to your instincts.

[talaniman]

me and my boyfriend were going out for about 1 yr and 10 months, I was living with him and came down to North Carolina to visit my parents for my birthday. The very day I got down here my boyfriend cheated on me and then broke up with me and left me for a girl he knew for less than a day on my birthday! I moved down to NC and we started talking about a montha later and started dating again about a month after that. Everything was fine and the distance was tearing us apart at all, but then I made out with this guy at a club and I didn't tell him for a couple months, now he doesn't want to be with me anymore but he still tells me he loves me I don't know what to do I want to earn his trust back but he won't give me a chance I love him so much he's everything to me. What do I do?? Please help me!!

You go from this to this,

Originally Posted by iggy89
listen you dont know how our relationship is hes not one of those guys that goes out and screws mad girls and he has done a lot!!! to regain my trust he dosnt party anymore he dosnt talk to any girls he bought me a diamond necklace for x-mas and drove me all the way back home to NC from NY if thats not love then i dont know what it is

Are you being honest with yourself now or before?

[iggy89]

Actually he waited until we broke up to have sex with her and he even waited until after my birthday to go out with her, the necklace was my idea I asked for it but the thing was I asked for something you would find at some dumpy store and he exceeded my expectations with my necklace the reason he drove me home was so he could spend 2 extra days with me and sometimes it takes mistakes for the person to relize just how they feel I know he really did love me the things he said to me and did to me were like no other... and no he's not the type of guy that goes out and screws girls he honestly thought that he loved that girl he cheated on me with I do agree with you that she's a slut! It was a really confusing stressful time you have no idea how I feel.. trying to tell me what love is how the hell do you know?? That boy is my life and before all this bull happened I was his. I'm the screw up not him so you want to give me some advice tear me apart analyze me dr.phil I made a mistake and I know it and I feel horrible about it it's the worst thing I have ever done! Josh is a special kind of guy you don't know him at all so don't come in here talking a bunch of crap about some one you don't know

[momincali]

Iggy, please, PLEASE STOP THE MADNESS! Reading your posts drives me nuts. How can you be in such denial. Let me be as honest as Chuff was. He is a selfish, cheating, immature guy. To cheat on you on your birthday, what a jerk. He couldn't wait for you to leave town so he can get out and do his thing without worrying that you might see him.

On the other hand, you cheated on him too (drinking is NO excuse) which makes you just as bad as him. Neither of you are ready for any kind of relationship. Just date. Date other people, don't get romantically involved. Have fun (not sex) with your dates, experience life, when you grow up, you'll find someone who is truly a keeper.

And just so you know, it's typical of cheaters to buy their girlfriend's, mistresses or even wives gifts and do special favors for (its called guilt) and that's what makes them do it.

What are you, 17, 18? You're so young. Don't waste your precious time on stuff like this, too much drama. Cut your losses and move on.

[talaniman]

Keep defending him. Make all the excuses you want. At the end of the day it's the same, He has cheated lied and you have fallen for it. Oh, what did you come here for, since hearing the truth ain't it?

[iggy89]

I'm 17 momincali, you know I think about out relationship and everything is so messed up but threw everything that happened we always stuck it threw. I always thought it happened that way because we loved each other and we meant to be together but now it just seems like we were each others security blanket and I'm not ready to get rid of mine. Moving to a whole new state not knowing anybody and not having my security blanket I'm scared of where I'm going to end up and it just seems to me that if threw our problems were still all right then ill be all right as long as I'm still with him but I guess the reason why I'm having so many problems is because of him I want to at least stay friends with him but its so so hard to let go

[chuff]

actually he waited untill we broke up to have sex with her and he even waited untill after my birthday to go out with her, the necklace was my idea i asked for it but the thing was i asked for something you would find at some dumpy store and he exceeded my expectations with my necklace the reason he drove me home was so he could spend 2 extra days with me and sometimes it takes mistakes for the person to relize just how they feel i know he really did love me the things he said to me and did to me were like no other... and no hes not the type of guy that goes out and screws girls he honestly thought that he loved that girl he cheated on me with i do agree with you that shes a slut! it was a really confusing stressful time you have no idea how i feel..trying to tell me what love is how the hell do you know??? that boy is my life and before all this bull happened i was his. im the screw up not him so you wanna give me some advice tear me apart analyze me dr.phil i made a mistake and i know it and i feel horrible about it its the worst thing i have ever done! josh is a special kind of guy you dont know him at all so dont come in here talking a bunch of crap about some one you dont know

1. Biggest run on sentece ever.

2. Someone's in denail.

3. When he drops you again come on back and tell me off some more.

im 17 momincali, ya know i think about out relationship and everything is so messed up but threw everything that happened we always stuck it threw.

Actually you didn't. He dumped you for another girl that he met hours before. Remember that? That's not sticking it through.

i always thought it happened that way because we loved each other and we ment to be together but now it just seems like we were each others security blanket and im not ready to get rid of mine.

There is no us. It is only you. He is your security blanket. To him your just a girl who's there and willing.

moving to a whole new state not knowing anybody and not having my security blanket im scared of where im going to end up

Look at it as a new opportunity to do new things and meet new people. Some of those people will even be good people with value that you want to keep in your life. Some of them might also be men.

and it just seems to me that if threw our problems were still alright

But you weren't all right. This was broken relationship, if it was a relationship at all.

then ill be alright as long as im still with him but i guess the reason why im having so many problems is because of him i wanna atleast stay friends with him but its soo soo hard to let go

Why would you want to be friends with him? Do you like be treated like crap by your friends? Do you like it when your friends play with your emotions. Do you like it when your friends lie to you? Do you like it when your friends use you? If so he's a great friend. I'd rather have no friends then friends like that myself, but that's how a man thinks.

[momincali]

Iggy, you're right, he was your security blanket, don't confuse that with love. Truth is, he never loved you and as much as you may think you did, you probably didn't either. You guys felt good to each other. The way a big fat slice of chocolate cake feels good going down, only, it's not exactly good for you is it. Sure, maybe a little now and then.

This guy didn't care what the consequences were going to be, he just cared about himself. I hate to say it, but chances are it's not his first time and more than likely not his last. If you let him sneak back into your life, or if you work tirelessly to get him to trust you again, he'll only take advantage of you again, don't allow it. Please believe me when I tell you that in 10 years, you will likely not even remember his name, that is how insignificant he is. He's not a keeper.

If you're still in school, please focus on that. I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, I just don't like it when young people focus on so many negative things and 10 years later regret all the time they lost. You can't go back and fix it.

And listen, Chuff only wrote what he wrote because we see SO many people going through what you went through with this guy and getting hurt time and time again. It's so sad to read their posts and try and help only to be ignored and then they come back saying that they should have listened. Pretend you're another person and re-read your posts, what do you see, what do you think? Does this girl sound sad, angry, confused? Does she sound like she's denying the reality? We're short and to the point because we want to get your attention, we want you to learn to look out for yourself and not be abused by punks like your ex. We want you to put one foot in front of the other and get on with your life in a positive way, the way it's supposed to be.

[LifeExperiences]

I am so sorry that you are going through such a rough time with this one. Truly, I am. Luckily, you are still young yet. So, my advice to you is this...

Any man who is willing to dump you and then proceed to be with another person on the SAME day that he leaves you, is NOT worthy of a second chance. He's playing with your emotions and in a sense controlling you. Emotional abuse is STILL abuse, no matter how you slice it.

I've been there and TRUST me.. I know what I'm talking about. I ended a six year relationship because of my ex-boyfriend's controlling nature and emotional abuse. Do NOT beat yourself up or feel guilty for what you have done when esentially, he's the one who drove you to having conflicting emotions. Anyone who truly loves you, wouldn't do that to you and they wouldn't keep stringing you along, breaking up and getting back together when HE gets lonely. Boy does this bring up memories for me! :eek:

Give yourself time to get over this one and then cast your line back out there for someone who would be thrilled to treat you right. You are only 22 years old and you have your entire life ahead of you. Discover who you are and what you want out of life. When you love yourself, you will be able to give a part of that love to the man who should be HONORED to be in your presence.

[talaniman]

Just so we all know that personal attacks and bad language are against the rules, and as liberal as we are here in this forum we do have limits so while we express ourselves we can stay within the rules. Further so we all know, giving opinions that you do not agree with can be handled in a better way than giving a bad rep to someone. How about a response to the post you disagree with. We can all gain knowledge in that manner rather than starting a lot of bad feelings.