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ChrisBhatia · Mar 18, 2011, 09:06 PM

Hi. My husband is a perfect man. I know he loves me a lot and me, the same. It is normal to have misunderstandings in marriage and also war of words. But my husband has the "antique" attitude of thinking - the husband is the king, the lord and he knows everything. I am not denying it but at the same time, I feel that my voice also has to be heard. Whenever I try to explain things in my way, he would normally say, I don't want to hear all this, its nonsense, you are useless.. etc. And if I said something out of anger, that's it. He would start saying things like, you are a woman, behave like a woman and know how to respect your husband and a man. I always respect my husband, but it is just that I want to make explanations about my problems as well. He normally does not give me any detailed choice. He makes it clear by asking me : YES or NO! Which is normally difficult to take a decision. When I try to explain, he thinks I am talking nonsense. I cannot bear all of these anymore. And 100% till now, I am the one who will be apologizing to him no matter who made the mistake. For me, it feels like no point to stay in the same house and not to talk to each other. But I am tired of doing it and I am tired of being labelled as someone so useless. A useless wife...

talaniman · Mar 19, 2011, 09:26 AM

Then stop taking this abuse, and stand for yourself. If he can't handle that, then you are married to the wrong man.

nitelight198073 · Mar 22, 2011, 10:20 AM

Wow girl I really think that you need to evaluate this relationship, seek counseling or something... I just believe that maybe he was brought up this way and doesn't mean to treat you like this? Does he ever lay hands on you? I know he already mentally abuses you and that is not right either... Maybe he needs to go to counseling and you do too separately and together for marriage counseling.

DoulaLC · Mar 26, 2011, 02:59 PM

Possibly this is a cultural dilemma that can be difficult to change. Do you know if his parents had the same sort of relationship? Do friends and co-workers have similar relationships?

Only you can decide how much you will put up with. Many would find this sort of behavior to be very manipulative, and quite simply disrespectful and rude!

You could try discussing it with him at a time when all is calm and see if he is willing to acknowledge your unhappiness and agree to work towards change. Let him know that you love him and want a partnership with him, not a relationship where you are subservient to him.

If he doesn't see anything wrong with what he does or says, and continues to dismiss your concerns, then you will have to decide whether you want to remain in that sort of a marriage.

jenniepepsi · Mar 26, 2011, 10:12 PM

He is abusive plain and simple. You tell him that he either changes and works WITH you, and go to marriage counseling, or you are walking out the door.

J_9 · Mar 26, 2011, 10:18 PM

Can we say Cro Magnon Man? Clearly he does not live in the 21st century.

Alty · Mar 26, 2011, 10:50 PM

As soon as he said the words "I am king" he would have been dethroned in my house.

If you want an equal relationship then you have to tell him. If he loves you as much as he claims, and if he's really the perfect man you think he is, then he'll work on being less of a bully, less of a lord in his own eyes, and he'll face reality and realize that you're both equals.

I'm surprised you put up with it this long. I would have left him at the alter, as soon as the priest said "To love, honor and obey". Not for me. Sounds like it's not for you either. That's your choice. Either do something about it, or accept it.