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LilNicky · Mar 16, 2011, 04:04 PM

Hi I'm 26 and am no stranger to the dating game. Before my current boyfriend, I was engaged to a guy who I was with for 7 yrs, then once I left him, I was single for just a few weeks till I met my current boyfriend who we'll call "Matt". Matt and I have been together almost four years and in the beginning things were fabulous - flowers, laughing, sex ALL the time. But like most relationships, the "steamy new fling" dwindles down. We've been living together for three years and things changed roughly a year and a half ago. I did everything I can for him. I left my job at a club and STOPPED DRINKING for him - a task many boyfriends had tried to break previously, but with no success until now. Now that I don't drink we don't go out much, and he's Never in the mood. I offer to do anything, and when he denies he doesn't realize that it kills me because A) I WANT IT and B) the obvious - Hello I'm a chick, It's a self esteem KILLER! I've had 'the talk' with him on several occasions and quite frankly when I bring it up, he looks at me like I'm a nag. I know he's not cheating - he's always with me and I trust him. He said he thinks he might have a problem, yet he won't call a doctor or do anything. All I keep hearing is, "Give me time, I'll change." Nothing has. It's been one year and seriously I never thought I'd say that. I am by no means ugly (not to sound conceded in any sense) and don't know what to do. I want to cry. Does anyone have any insight or been through something like this? I don't want to break up over something this caddy? Or can I?

talaniman · Mar 16, 2011, 06:49 PM

I would break up with someone who wasn't doing something about me being miserable. Lack of sex is usually a symptom of other problems in the relationship that needs to be addressed, but seeing a doctor is the easiest thing to do just to eliminate a medical problem. It's a start, and examining other things like finances, job stress, personal habits, is important to get to the root cause of the problem. After a doctor visit.

If one isn't willing to deal with the issues, they just get unresolved, and build long lasting, deep seated resentments.

I see that starting already, fueled by your frustration, and a lot of anger.

amicon · Mar 17, 2011, 01:35 AM

If he won't see a doctor and you've already tried to talk to him about your issues several times,what else can you do?

Problems don't just go away by themselves,so maybe it's time to a really good think about whether you should stay together?

sharper11 · Mar 17, 2011, 12:56 PM

He needs to see a doctor if he thinks he has a problem. THis is the first step. If that is ruled out, then you have to consider that there is a deeper problem.. . the relationship.

Every relationship needs some type of intimacy. Even if it is infrequent. 1 full year is NOT HEALTHY.

You have done all you can. If he does not want to go get help, you have to make a choice, be miserable with him or move on without him.

LilNicky · May 7, 2011, 08:35 PM

Threads merged

Hi before this sounds petty, let me explain.

I'm a 26 year old female from Mass, and my boyfriend (24) has been with me for almost four years. Now in the beginning it was the whole deal - (f.y.I. I'M his FIRST girlfriend; I just got out of a 7 yr relationship And engagement) flowers, fun, and the whole 9 yards. Things were going smooth. Now its year four and things have quite changed on his part. No sex (I'm talking months but that's a whole other problem), No going out, no drinking, I changed my job, he lost car and job, and I work 5 days a week but not exactly full time. So some good and bad things. That was a background so here's the issue:

Yes the economy is bad as everyone know and going out is quite expensive. I have gone out ONE TIME THIS YEAR. So its Saturday day (today) and alllll day I plead and beg and ask if we can go out for dinner and drinks since he got some money. Excuse after excuse he gave me a reason after reason why we can't. i.e. We need to save money, etc. So I suck it up and stop complaining.

It turns 10:00 p.m. and his buddy goes to the local bar in walking distance of our house. He tells me he is going for a walk to get cigarettes, and in an hour or so he comes home. He went for a drink with his buddy! I'm NOT HAPPY. I didn't start a fight because it's not worth a huge argument but I'm pretty bullsh**. Girls my age should be having fun and I'm hurt he wouldn't do it for his 'begging girlfriend' but jumps to his friend in a second. Am I crazy? In addition to this I asked I then found out that he lied on the content/amount drank and I DESPISE liars. It's four years down the road and it makes me nervous that if he's lying about this, what else is he?

No lie I am a saint to that guy, unlike any previous. I need help please advise.

amicon · May 8, 2011, 04:05 AM

I'm not sure this is the only issue,it seems the two of you don't communicate and that there are a number of things that you need to discuss-so sit him down and talk.

talaniman · May 8, 2011, 08:31 AM

You ever think that this relationship has run its course and you both are slipping in different directions? I see a lot of talking to resolve a lot of issues between you, if you are to survive.

Seven years in a failed engagement, and 4 with this fellow, I would be open to the idea of being single, on your own, and go through the hard realities of life doing your own thing. Then you can appreciate being good to yourself, instead of someone else, who is pissing you off, and not meeting your needs.