[Mommyofone]

Hi, I'll try to sum this up as best I can: I broke off a relationship with my ex (we were never married and live in the state of Washington) when my son was one month old, we were on and off again until he was 3 months old. Then my ex took off and has had no contact with regards in wanting to see my son since. I had to track him down in order to get child support which I didn't get set until my son was already 1 years old. FYI: his father's name is on the birth certificate. I was getting help with daycare expenses through the state because of my income until two months ago when I started making too much income - which isn't much, daycare is half my monthly income and is as much as my rent so you can see what I'm left over with. So I took my ex to court in November to ask the courts to make him help pay for daycare, I was Pro Se since I make very little money I can't afford an attorney. He showed up unprepared so the court gave him another two weeks (after he had a month from the time I served him papers to the time of court) he then hired an attorney (note, he is 2,000 in the rears of child support but can afford an attorney... ) he then said that I was withholding the child and asked for visitation, he got it even though he abandonded this child for over two years. I agreed that he could have his two hour visitation on a Sunday after his lawyer sends me paperwork showing he's completed a parenting class. I never got anything... December 31st on the holiday weekend I was out of town and received two messages from my ex saying that he was at my residence to see our son and where were we? These messages were out of the blue. I didn't get them until later and figured there must be some confusion and figured his lawyer would contact me that week... nothing. The following Sunday at about the same time as my messages my ex's mother was at my door demanding our son and I told her that she couldn't show up unexpected at my door and expect me to send my son who doesn't know you out the door unprepared that the times of visitation need to be mutual and that I still never got anything from his lawyer. She became angry and said she didn't have to do any of that and left. I decided to call my ex later that day and try and work out a time (all of this in good faith on my part) for the following Sunday. We agreed to a time and place and that my mother would bring our son to the place. So Sunday comes and my mom arrives at my place and I get a phone call two hours from the tme of the visit from my ex saying that he's too sick to come, I say fine okay goodbye. Four days later there is a knock at my door and I'm being served papers for contempt of court and that he wants to seek jail time as a punishment! I was floored. Here he has never ever once tried to see his son for two and a half years, is over 2,000 in the rears for child support, has still not paid his share of daycare expenses and never showed up for an actual agreed visitation!! (into which the commissioner set that if he didn't show up for any visitation I could revoke them entirely). So now after I keep trying to be the bigger person and have always put my son number one he pulls this. It is so screamingly obvious that his motive is revenge on me and not about our son. And the court date is in one week. I've given him all the time in the world to prepare and I get one week to hire a lawyer, I have no choice now since they are actually asking for jail time which is utterly ridiculous and is the most spiteful thing ever. Any advice?? Help!!

[ScottGem]

First, Anyone can file a petition for anything. That's why there are courts to determine what the facts are and how to proceed.

You need to have documentation of everything. Dates and times of all your calls, copies of letters detailing what has to be done, copies of the court documents etc.

There is an infintesimal chance that a court will order you jailed. If the visitation conditions were court ordered or they were aware of them, then just tell the judge that.

Remember this has not become a war and he has a warrior on his side (the attorney). The atty will pull out all the tricks he can and this is just one of them. I would recommend consulting an attorney. It might be that you can find one who will take your case on figuring they can get attorney fees paid by your ex.

But as long as you have all the documentation that you have tried to allow the visitation, that he has not paid the support he was ordered to, that he has not fulfilled the conditions of the court ordered visitation, then you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

[Mommyofone]

Yea, thank you. There is no possible way that I would get jail time, it's just the fact that he actually had the nerve to do this, it makes me so mad!! It's horrible how much lower he continues to stoop, I really didn't think it could be much lower but I guess I shouldn't expect less. His defense is that the lawyer mailed me something stating he wants to start visitation and set up a time but I never got it so I doubt he even really sent anything. When I called and talked to my ex and we actually agreed on a visitation time, he said okay and I immediately typed a letter up for his attorney stating this and certified it to his office, so there is proof of that. There is also proof that he declined it, so I'm not sure what he thinks his case is, he is just full out for my throat because I make him accountable for child support, which he doesn't pay, he's a "seasonal" worker so he's unemployed for more then half the year which is crap, so does that mean his kids (yes, he has two other kids) shouldn't get to eat for more then half the year? No, it means it's the mother's burden to work two jobs or do whatever it takes while he works under the table and buys his toys. I think there should be an absolute standard that if you full out abandon your child, I'm sorry but you shouldn't have rights and yes, that is a case by case basis but if it's not healthy for the child why should the courts enforce this? He's scum and I hope the judge sees that this is all revenge and not about the child.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes he has an attorney and what they do is bluff and scare esp someone without an attorney, they saw blood the minute you started to let them have visitation after you were served with a paper, they are wanting you to go away and not file anything else, scare you away.

Expect him and his mother to go to court and lie, happens everyday, demand no visits why let him visit, make the court order it, and make it a supervised visit for a while. Make the court set specific times and dates, and only let him have the child at that time.

You need an attorney, peple with attorneys more often out "legal" someone without one, trick them, lie to them and file motions they don't understand.

[chippers]

You definitely need an attorney. I know money for you is at a premium. But you can't go without being protected. I agree with everyone. Keep records of all phone calls between you and anyone calling related to your ex. His mother could be paying his attorney. As for him being a seasonal worker, in the off season he could be collecting unemployment, that drastically decreases when someone owes back child support. Or in some states if the are dead beat dads, they can't get their drivers license renewed. As in New Jersey, It could be contempt of court if he or she looses their job and are paying child support. (my sister in law was paying child support to my brother and she was told if she quit her job (layoff was different), she was incontempt of court. If she was fired, her unemployment insurance would go to my niece and nephew.
His treat of jail is a scare tactic to make you go away. As the others said.
If you get an attorny, he can request a postponement or continuance inorder tp prepare for court. And to give you peace of mind. If he looses the case, your ex will have to pay court costs and attorney s fees.

[Mommyofone]

Oh yes, he and his mother wrote up Declarations claiming I outright refused them to see them which is such a lie, I originally asked the courts to deny him visitation rights but the commissioner said no, he can have two hour visitations but he has to stay in my city since he lives an hour away. I can't re-enforce enough the fact that if he really wanted to see the child he would've come at the agreed time. He's vengeful because he just received a letter from Department of Child Support demanding he pay me the back child support immediately, which I'm sure he will protest and once again claim "he is not working". What I don't understand is how he can get away with that for as long as he has. DCS said they cannot make him get another job and the Commissioner actually scolded me saying that it's my fault for being involved with him which I think is insane. He does get unemployment so I'm lucky if I get $150 a month, that would actually be a good month. And that doesn't even cover one week of daycare let alone any other expense my child has. This system is so broken and I feel the dead-beats are covered for way too much. It's no wonder our welfare system is out of control? The state would actually do everything to make him pay if I were, but that's not me I couldn't live with myself if I knew I wasn't working towards my full potential. I think he shot himself in the foot by trying to take me for contempt and ask for Jail time, I think it's going to show how vengeful him and his mother actually are. At least I hope so, because I was surprised at how easy he got off the first couple court appearances.

[vigo88]

I am in a very similar situation... well, the beginning anyway. My son's father has not seen him for a year and a half. I filed for support and he freaked out, started telling me I've been keeping him from his son, the typical BS. Because I had documented everything and the guy had sent incriminating texts and emails, I'm not worried he could ever get any real custody. But I talked to A LOT of people who've lived this, and asked them if they could do it over again... what would they do? It was unanimous: If mothers could do it again, they would NOT file for support, as hard as it will be, and cut the father who doesn't want to be there anyway, OUT. I had a really hard time making this decision, but once I did, the threats stopped, the BS stopped, and the peace began. I knew I was free. I also knew my son would not feel the constant rejection of his father, the lies his father would tell, and the other harmful things he promised to do. NO amount of money is worth it. NONE. I hear horror stories from other mothers and it's appalling. The fact of the matter, also, is that he could always quit his job, work under the table, and you won't receive a dime anyway. From one mom to another, find support another way, even if it means utilizing government programs in the meantime. The emotional lives of our children is far more valuable. Good luck to you :)