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busbeon · Mar 15, 2011, 12:47 PM

Hi, I need help, my marriage is on the rocks at the moment, we have just separated but not gone for divorce, my ex girlfriend I had been seeing on and off for about 6 months is pregnant by me, and she was willing to get have a aboration due to the stituation, I feel she really does not want to, and neither do I, has I don't believe in it. She wants me to marry her otherwise she will, I am desperate now to has I keep swinging, I really love my wife, but can't bare to hurt her, and love my ex still, but I don't she does me, my ex I have know since I was 14, I am now 34. What can I do?

smoothy · Mar 15, 2011, 12:49 PM

Get ready to support that baby. Because whichever you end up with you WILL be doing that. And the choice might not be yours to make.

In addition you might have alimony payments to be making too.

busbeon · Mar 15, 2011, 12:50 PM

Hi, I need help, my marriage is on the rocks at the moment, we have just separated but not gone for divorce, my ex girlfriend I had been seeing on and off for about 6 months is pregnant by me, and she was willing to get have a aboration due to the stituation, I feel she really does not want to, and neither do I, has I don't believe in it. She wants me to marry her otherwise she will, I am desperate now to has I keep swinging, I really love my wife, but can't bare to hurt her, and love my ex still, but I don't she does me, my ex I have know since I was 14, I am now 34. What can I do?

busbeon · Mar 15, 2011, 01:12 PM

Thanks for your advise smoothy, I am 100% to support the baby, what do you think about getting married to her?

Aurora_Bell · Mar 15, 2011, 01:17 PM

YOu should check out our marrige section of the forum :)

DoulaLC · Mar 15, 2011, 01:38 PM

Do you love her? Truly love her? A baby is not a good enough reason to marry someone, nor is to avoid facing an ultimatum... which is what she is giving you.

How about you think of your wife and your current marriage? Can it be saved? Do you want to? Does your wife want to? Are you both willing to put forth the effort?

Are you willing to give up this other woman, because if not, you owe it to your wife to be honest with her. Not wanting to hurt her is a cop out. She will be hurt either way.

I wouldn't jump out of one marriage (if that is what you decide to do) and into another so quickly... especially to someone who would hold the life of a child over your head. Marry me or else?? Is that what you want?

busbeon · Mar 15, 2011, 01:53 PM

Hi, I need help, my marriage is on the rocks at the moment, we have just separated but not gone for divorce, my ex girlfriend I had been seeing on and off for about 6 months is pregnant by me, and she was willing to get have a aboration due to the stituation, I feel she really does not want to, and neither do I, has I don't believe in it. She wants me to marry her otherwise she will, I am desperate now to has I keep swinging, I really love my wife, but can't bare to hurt her, and love my ex still, but I don't she does me, my ex I have know since I was 14, I am now 34. What can I do?

Curlyben · Mar 15, 2011, 02:21 PM

>Threads Merged<

southamerica · Mar 15, 2011, 02:27 PM

You say that she wants you to marry her and will abort the baby if you don't-did I read that correctly?

I really hope that she makes her decision to keep or abort the baby based on more than just leverage to you... but that's an entirely different topic.

Back to YOUR dilemma: as Doula has pointed out, a baby is not a good enough reason to get married. You seem to have a lot going on in your life... two women, a marriage on the rocks, a baby on the way... you should focus on sorting this all out before you make further life changing decisions.

As for the mother of your future child: make sure you assure her as much as you can that you will help her support the child regardless of marriage... maybe that will help her decide to keep the baby. Good luck!

busbeon · Mar 15, 2011, 02:48 PM

Thank you DoulaLC, something to think about, shotgun does not sound very appealing

busbeon · Mar 15, 2011, 02:52 PM

southamerica, thanks for commenting,

She says she is unable to bring the baby up on her own, and things would need to change right away, I understand that time is important factor here she is 6-7 weeks pregnant now.

smoothy · Mar 15, 2011, 03:35 PM

You can't get married again until you get divorced first. And depending on where you live. That's not going to happen before the child is born.