[cpll72]

Hi all.Here is my situation,I't's very long so I'm just going to give you the picture for you to understand.

My boyfriend and I met many years ago.I was 29 and he was 23.I'm Italian and he is Irish.I've been loving him ever since I met him,but he always pushed me away.We are now officially together,in a long distance relationship for two years,alternating each other to visit.I am now 38 and he is 32.

Recently his mom was terminal with cancer,so during the whole last month I tried to make my presence felt as much as I could,calling every day and being availeble at all times,but could not attend her funeral.

A few days after her funeral,talking on the phone I expressed my wish to start a family with him,really just verbally fantasizing about our future,in a moment I thought was intimate and sweet but he immediately sounded annoyed and hung up the phone.

When he didn't call back,later on in the day I sent a text message asking what it was that I said that made him hung up the phone on me and he replied"let's talk tomorrow,you need to give me some space",I replied "ok".

A few days later he calls,but as soon as I mention how bad and humiliated I felt he started shouting at me and accused me of being selfish and just thinking about myself in a moment of grief for him,of not being supporting,his actual words were"the day after my mother's death you are thinking about your biological clock??!".Than says that we are over and it's just not working for him.

Now I'm feeling terrible not only because of his violent reaction,but also because I've been accused of not respecting the death of a person,that by the way I adored.
I do realise that there's nothing I can say to him at this moment but my question is:

Have I really been that selfish for talking about that stuff?what is your point of view on this? Because I'm thinking that he's just twisting the truth to make me feel guilty to justify his bad reaction.
Thanks,please help,and ask me any question you want to understand better.
Cx

[Wondergirl]

His mother had just died, and you started talking about babies?

You didn't mention it, but did you sympathize with him at all about his mother, tell him how much she meant to you, or even just said, "I'm so sorry for your loss"?

You turned a situation around that was all about him and made it all about you.

[cpll72]

Of course I did sympathize,I also sent a telegram to the whole family

[adviceishere]

I completey agree with wondergirl, its very hard to know what to so say or do when a partners close relative dies but you don't say you thought this type of chat was to benefit him and make him feel better, it was more just ordinary chit chat about what you want in the future.

I know that if my mother or father died the last thing id be doing is looking into the future and all the lovely things I'm going to do.

You were in fact being selfish. Again when we find ourselves or partner in a tough situation, you discover a lot of truth about them, you may find that the person wasn't really there for you and acted as if nothing happened or you may also find that they've a hidden tower of strength and loyalty towards you and you couldn't of asked for a better person to help get you through this terrible time.

When bad things happen in a relationship its almost like a test and you failed, you need to put this right if he lets you and admit you faults...

[talaniman]

What did you expect from a guy in real pain? I think your remark was tacky, under the circumstances, and very ill timed, and he reacted the only way he was capable. Sorry it was emotionally negative, but I think you forgive him, and give him space, and you both apologize later, after the dust has settled.

Doesn't matter who is right or wrong, just be understanding, instead of selfish. Maybe he will to. I wouldn't push your point though, let him think by himself. He will call when he has.