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Tattiexx · Mar 10, 2011, 09:47 AM

I am 21 years old and looking to start a family soon. I lost one at the tail end of last year and I am ready to try again.

The only thing is that my current partner has 3 prior to our relationship, and he has only ever wanted 3. He has said already he doesn't want anymore, but he knows how much I want a fmaily, and has said that we should start trying. The only doubt in my mind is that he has made it clear he doesn't really want one. Should we start trying or should I just give up hope of having kids with him. We are due to marry next year, and I have always said I would love one of my own at my wedding, and will be bad enough that he has his 3. So many of my friends have said I should just get pregnant anyway, if he doesn't stick around then whatever... as plenty of women are single parents. He has said if I fell pregnant he wouldn't leave me, but I feel like I am guilting him into having another child.

If he really doesn't want, and I do.. Do we have a future, and if not, should I think of my future, or thope he changes his mind..

mandybaldwin · Mar 13, 2011, 12:52 PM

If he doesn't want kids and you do then I don't suggest you go through with the wedding is my opinion. I'm a single mom of 2. They both wanted to be fathers one is more then the other. But I wish I could have raised these to girls with dads. Its easier, less stressful, I love my children but I had them at 22 if I would have known the responsibility I had put on myself and family ( having to ask for money to feed them sometimes) I would have waited even 2 more years would have made a difference.
I wouldn't take it back for anything but knoledge is everything these days. If you truly want kids then wait, find the right guy, and grow together have a family. Only 21 you don't need to put so much stress on yourself. Give yourself a few more years before worring about having kids. If you decide to get married to this guy then be fair you can't just have a baby its not fair.
You will find someone who wants the same thing.

And remember "are children are not a burden to us we are burrdens to them if we can't take care of them".
Hope you get everything you want in life.
Mandy

Meggie13 · Mar 15, 2011, 10:20 PM

Think of your future and the chances of having a child with your partner before you marry.

justcurious55 · Mar 15, 2011, 11:19 PM

I think you're showing how immature and selfish you still are. And at 21, I don't blame you. I'm your age, and I know I'm not ready for kids yet.

To have kids or to not have kids is a HUGE issue that needs to be clearly agreed upon by both parties BEFORE marriage and BEFORE you just get pregnant. Have the two of you thought about pre-marital counseling?

If you guys don't have kids, you'll probably always want kids and you may come to resent him. Or vice versa, maybe you'll have kids and he'll come to resent you because he didn't really want more. And that's even worse, because then you have a child that wasn't wanted by one of his or her parents. Sure, let's pretend everything will work out smoothly for you if he comes to resent you and leaves you a single mother and you manage it all easily financially and emotionally. You still have your child whose father is out of the picture-that's a lot for a kid. There's no magic or easy fix for that.

talaniman · Mar 16, 2011, 01:46 PM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family...ew-561118.html

You, and your guy of ALMOST a year have a lot of talking to do, before you do anything. I do mean a lot of talking.

No hurry, you are only 21, take the time to do it right, whatever it is, because what sounds and looks good on paper, has to stand the test of time, and REALITY.

Not knowing how difficult things turn into is not an excuse down the road.