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hollypurple · Mar 4, 2011, 06:50 PM

My Husband was receiving lots of text messages and making long calls to a female co worker. I asked him about it and he said I was being overly jealous. He got very mad at me. So I let it go. Just recently he told me that she was going through a nasty divorce and that he was just being there for her as a friend. I felt uncomfortable about this and think that this is not appropriate behavior. Especially at that time he was emotionally and sexually distant. Now I feel betrayed and possible not getting the full story.

JudyKayTee · Mar 4, 2011, 07:05 PM

The only way to know the true story is to ask him.

How long have you been married?

I wouldn't let it go - it bothers you and if he keeps the behavior going after you've told him it upsets you he is disrespecting you.

If you think he's meeting with her, hire someone to follow him.

hollypurple · Mar 5, 2011, 08:18 PM

We have been married 19 years... he does not want to talk about it. It is only recently that he told me about why they were talking so much. I really can not afford a private detective to go looking after him. I just feel so uneasy about the whole thing. He has been distancing himself from me over the years, why would he need to be so attentive to another woman's problems when he does not seem to care much about the ones I have? Thank you for the response /..

trying1234 · Mar 25, 2011, 09:24 PM

You seem like a very loving and respectable wife. We don't know what has been going on, true, however, we do know that you as his wife should definitely know these things about his life. You of all people should be the person who should be in the best relationship with him. Why didn't he tell you about this divorce. Of all people, it would make sense of you to know about this woman who was going through trouble because for one, you are a womam and so mabey you could relate better. However, you say that your husband has been becoming more distant. Do you have kids? I think the best would be to try to "reconnect" with him. I know this sounds trite. But you need to spend sometime, say go camping or fishing or do things that he likes, but with him. Perhaps this whole thing is his fault and he needs a lesson. But you're never going to find out what truly is going on if you don't get to know him again first.

martinizing2 · Mar 26, 2011, 02:16 AM

I think that in a healthy loving relationship
Being told the other partner is uncomfortable with
The behavior of the other , especially when it
Involves another woman or man,
Would be sufficient reason to bring it to a halt.

Unless there were more going on than it appears
From the outside.

Refusal to talk about it and/or getting angry about it
When it is brought up often indicates clandestine agendas.

I too would suggest some sort of investigation.

JudyKayTee · Mar 26, 2011, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by trying1234

I think the best would be to try to "reconnect" with him. I know this sounds trite. But you need to spend sometime, say go camping or fishing or do things that he likes, but with him. Perhaps this whole thing is his fault and he needs a lesson. But you're never going to find out what truely is going on if you don't get to know him again first.

You are blaming the victim here - and the victim is the wife. SHE should go camping or fishing or do things with a man who won't talk to her?

She's told him his behavior upsets her... and he keeps the same behavior pattern.

Again, you are blaming the victim. She's done all she can from what she's said. It's not her job to get to know him better. She's tried. What about HIS job in this marriage? (I will venture a guess that you are a boy or man and not married. Now I'm off to check.)

talaniman · Mar 26, 2011, 08:58 AM

You should be more than upset, since he did nothing to reassure you or consider your feelings. I humbly suggest that you tell him again that you are not happy with this relationship with a co worker that's a stranger to you, and you will not be treated like Boo Boo the Clown.

A lot of this would/could be avoided if you merely stick your nose in his business, and find out something about the soon to be divorced, female co worker on your own. Either through Facebook, or mutual friends, or co workers of his you do know. Just letting things go is frustrating you, and suspicions and resentments, just keep growing, so if he will not be straight and as forthright as you need, then get to the bottom of his distractions, and emotional unavailability to you.

It starts with honest calm talking, and some close LISTENING.

WHAT!? You don't know any of his friends or co workers?? How the hell does that happen after 19 years??