[Andreo]

I'm sure this is a common situation here, I'll keep it short but I met my ex orientation day at college. We were friends for a year, she didn't want to be in a relationship because she hadn't had a boyfriend before and was nervous and scared about it. I hadn't either but was more interested in the idea.

After the year of friendship she ended up asking me to ask her out again and were together for 2 years. About 7 months in we got into a fight and she ended up breaking up with me for a couple of weeks citing how she just wasn't sure about us.

We ended up getting back together again after hanging out and decided that in the future we'd talk more about our problems before they became so big they became actual problems, etc etc. And then after 2 years, we were having some problems, she was getting a little cold and I was getting frustrated with this, asked her to tell me her feelings and she kept them all to herself.

And then one day I called her to see if she wanted to go out and then she told me she wanted to break up. I said I didn't want to have this conversation over the phone and so the next day we met up, she said what she said over the phone, I asked her why she wanted to break up and she said she was just really confused about us, no other explanation. I pleeded with her to not give up on us, after being together for so long and having so many firsts with each other. But she held strong to her decision.

I went home, was super broken up for a few days, didn't talk to her, and then ended up writing her a really pathetic note a few days later, basically talking about the relationship and outlying all my feelings that I hadn't said to her in person and asking her to give us another chance, no response for days. Texted her abut if she had gotten it and she said yeah but she had said everything she had said before and didn't see the use in responding, which kind of killed me.

I was depressed for a while, I'd text her occasionally asking her what she was up to and she'd respond back friendly, but she wouldn't answer any calls, just texts, and this was going from calling every day and texting throughout the day to now a text every couple of days. A couple of weeks later I texted her to ask her to lunch and to catch up and she said she 'thought we could both use time for ourselves'.

That was the last communication between us for over two months now. I'm still friends with her on face book, I've tried to focus more on myself, working out more and hanging out with new friends, but every day I still think about her a million times. I still remember all the memories we shared, the carnivals and social events and walks and occasions shared and it just kills me. She hasn't tried to contact me and every so often I succumb to the urge to look at her Facebook and see that she doesn't appear supper depressed but instead appears to be doing great and that just makes me more sad.

I know how no contact works, but I miss her still, I want to talk to her but its more fear that holds me back, after being rejected so many times I just feel like another rejection would just crush me. I really miss her. Even without talking to her. I also sort of resent her as well for not contacting me after so long.

I'm not sure what I can do to get over her. People say time heals all but even without talking to her I still feel like a part of myself is missing. Should I try and talk to her and attempt some closure/reconnection? Should I go further and delete all her pictures on my computer and remove her from Facebook and burn all bridges of communication for the future? I don't know what to do. All I know is this feeling is terrible.

[talaniman]

should I go further and delete all her pictures on my computer and remove her from Facebook and burn all bridges of communication for the future?

That sounds like a great plan. Only then will time eventually heal you.

She was your first, and of course you bonded deeply with her, and those bonds will take more than a few months to overcome.

Misery from a break up can be best overcome by rebuilding your life with things that make you happy without her, over time. Any contact with her just prolongs the agony. You don't have to destroy her stuff, but put it away in a safe place, and don't bring it out again until your too old to care.

A very simple formula, but a hard one to put together.

Good luck!

[Andreo]

Thanks for the response, yeah I guess your right. It just seems like sometimes all I'm doing is waiting for her to come back. I know that's stupid, but, can't help it.

[talaniman]

That's not true. You can help it.