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ralphntiff · Feb 28, 2011, 05:44 PM

Last year my 16 year old son went to live with his grandmother. This was after quite a long time of him wreaking havoc on my home, abusive behavior, and putting me through the wringer. Since then he has been horrible to me and swore he would never come back. Now my mother says he wants to. But I don't want him back. My mother has joint custody and residential custody. Can I be forced at this point? He will be 18 in a year and a half and I am providing child support. I just can't take anymore.

Wondergirl · Feb 28, 2011, 05:56 PM

After swearing he will never live at home again, why does he want to come home? Has he been involved in any kind of counseling, anger management, drug programs?

ralphntiff · Feb 28, 2011, 06:02 PM

I don't know. This is the first time he has bothered to contact me in over a year. I have a feeling my mother found out I have lost my job. Do you know if I can be made to let him come back? I am in a healthy place in my life and I want to stay that way.

Wondergirl · Feb 28, 2011, 06:12 PM

I'm not a lawyer (just a counselor), so will alert several of our legal experts to look at your situation.

Did the fact that you're giving financial support and the g'mother the residential custody come about through a court order? Did/do you have a lawyer?

ralphntiff · Feb 28, 2011, 06:34 PM

Yes it was through a court order. And I'm out of work so I can't afford a lawyer. I'm just trying to avoid a horrible situation. He doesn't get along with my significant other. They fought constantly, and it got ugly. He was in trouble with the law and he was at the very least drinking. If I present it to the judge that it's a bad environment for him to come back to and I think he's better where he is would that help? My significant other is going through health problems right now, he is going to have surgeries, and my son doesn't like him. I just can not do it anymore. My son has been horrible to me for a long, long time. He told me repeatedly that he was never coming home. What can I do?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 28, 2011, 06:56 PM

If the grandmother has court ordered custody, no you don't have to allow him to do anything that the court order does not state you have to do.

AK lawyer · Feb 28, 2011, 10:20 PM

I would agree with Fr_Chuck that it's the Grandmother's responsibility at the moment.

I don't know exactly what the answer will be if the Grandmother goes to court to require the mom to take the kid into her home. The court will probably want to get an extensive psychlogical evaluation to determine what the kid's motivations are; and if the grandmother put him up to it. Ultimately, it probably is not in his best interest to be placed in a home where he is unwelcome, and it could be that he will ultimately be put in foster care.

A parent has a legal obligation to support her minor child, but she is doing that. Whether she can be required to take him into her home is an interesting question and I am not sure the law has a ready answer. So, as I say, if I were the judge I would use "best interest of the child" to avoid having to answer that question.