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munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 12:28 PM

5 yrs ago I was fooling around with a guy and I became pregnant I didn't want to have an abortion and the guy didn't want to have the baby, so we came into mutual agrement that I would keep the baby and I would not ask him for anything... I had to ask for welfare and now they are going after him... he already has a family of his own and starting his own family as well as I am, now welfare is taking us both into court can I lie and say he is not the father or will they make him take a DNA test? How can I do it so that they can leave him a lone so that he can go on with his life and I can go on with mine?

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 12:37 PM

5 yrs ago I was fooling around with a guy a berely knew and I became pregnant he didn't want anyhting to do with the baby and I didn't want to have a abortion, so we had a mutual agrement that I would keep the baby and I would never ask for anything, like it never happened I went on with my life and so did he, he started a family and so did I, my husband now has been raising that child since he was 2 months old, now I had to get into welfare and now welfare is asking him to pay child suppor and they are taking us both to court... I need to find out how I can get the court to dismiss the real father of my son from paying child support or any kind of support so that he can move on with his life and so that my husband can adopt my child, will the court make the biological father take a DNA test or can I just say I got the wrong guy and I have no idea who the father of my baby is?? I need any kind of help I can get so that I can put all of this behind me and so that me and my son never have to deal or bother the real father of my son

Curlyben · Feb 23, 2011, 12:40 PM

Lying in court would be perjury, a criminal offence.

emtdan · Feb 23, 2011, 01:18 PM

First, I'm not a lawyer.

Why would you want to compound the situation by lying in court. Lying under oath is not taken lightly. Welfare has every right to ask who the father is. Did you name him on your claim? Who is on the birth certificate? If asked in court to name the father, what will you answer?

I'm not sure if a DNA test would be ordered.

Don't lie. He's responsible for his sons welfare just as much as you are, new family or not.

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 01:32 PM

He is not on the birth certificate, can't I just say I got the wrong guy? Can't he say he doesn't even remember being with me? I did named him on the claim

Wondergirl · Feb 23, 2011, 01:36 PM

Someday, maybe sooner than later, your child may need medical information (or other info) pertaining to his father's family and genes. By lying now, you will be setting up your child and you for a great deal of future tragedy and legal mess.

Don't lie. This is real life. No more game playing and false promises, please.

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 01:40 PM

OK so how can I do it legally where he has no right and so that he can get out of this mess with no strings attached

Wondergirl · Feb 23, 2011, 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by munchkin27

ok so how can i do it legally where he has no right and so that he can get out of this mess with no strings attached

You can't.

Here is the sticky that you should have read before you posted in Family Law --

Signing Over rights-** READ FIRST **
This is a very frequently asked question here. And frequently answered. The following is a summary of the facts and covers most jurisidictions.

1) A bio parent cannot be forced to relinquish their rights, it has to be voluntary.
a) The only exceptions to this are where the bio parent cannot be found after a good faith effort to contact them or in cases where the bio parent represents a danger to the child.

2) Most areas make it difficult for a bio parent to relinquish their parental rights. Usually its allowed only to clear the way for adoption of the child.

3) Relinquishment of rights refers only to the right to have a say in how a child is raised.

4) Relinquishment of parental rights may or may not affect parental responsibility depending on local laws. The parent can still be held responsible for child support or it will be even harder to get a Termination of Parental Rights. A TPR is NOT going to be granted just to let the parent off the hook for support.

5) The only thing that allows ending responsibility is if the child is adopted, in which case the adoptive parents assume that responsibility.

Those are the facts and apply to almost all circumstances in almost all areas. There are several threads here that discuss this issue in greater depth. I would suggest reading them before posting a question.

On a personal note, I do not recommend relinquishing rights unless its to clear the way for adoption. A child deserves to know his parents, not matter how bad the person may have been. People can change.

emtdan · Feb 23, 2011, 01:46 PM

OK so how can I do it legally where he has no right and so that he can get out of this mess with no strings attached

You talk to a lawyer and do it through the courts.

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 01:50 PM

Wow this really helps a lot, my husband now has been raising my child since he was 2 months and has been wanting to adopt him, the bio father has agreed on all these terms he has his own family to worry about and we both agreed that my son has a father a father that has been there for him since he was 2 months... so all the bio dad has to do is to give up his right and my husband will then adopt my child and we both take responsibility and he's off the hook right!!

cdad · Feb 23, 2011, 03:04 PM

Were you maried to your husband at the time the child was born ?

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 03:04 PM

No I was not

cdad · Feb 23, 2011, 03:06 PM

Then your only next step is to have the bio father agree to an adoption. That way your husband can adopt and the bio father is relinquished of his rights.

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 03:10 PM

Great, yes that's what the bio father wants anyway he doesn't want to come in and try to play daddy when he know that my son has a father already... thanks

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 05:26 PM

If the moms admits I'm not the father in court would it be enough to clear me from child support

ScottGem · Feb 23, 2011, 05:28 PM

No. The court will require a paternity test to absolutely determine paternity.

munchkin27 · Feb 23, 2011, 08:53 PM

Even if I'm not on the birth certificate and didn't sign anything

ScottGem · Feb 24, 2011, 04:50 AM

Originally Posted by munchkin27

even if i'm not on the birth certificate and didn't sign anything

If you are not on the because and didn't sign anything then why is a court involved? The only way you would be involved in this is if the mother named you as a possible father as part of some court proceeding. Once that happened, the courts will probably require a paternity test to eliminate you.

Why don't you tell us the whole story so we can truly help.

munchkin27 · Feb 24, 2011, 11:47 AM

About 4 yrs ago I got pregnant but really never knew who the father was I had a good idea but I never told this guy I just took it upon myseld to have the baby and deal with it, I made a mistake and I put this guy on the welfare claim and now they are going after him for child support, this guy gets a hold of me and is freaking out he is married and has kids, and I never told him he might have a son, now welfare is taking us to cort, what will happen to him, will he have to pay back child support if he is the father will they make him take a DNA test? What will happened to me because I never told this guy he might have a son? My son has been raised by my husband now since he was 2 months and he has been wanting to adopt him and this other guy and I have a mutual agreement that if the court makes him take a DNA test and he is the father he will turn all rights to me so that my husband can adopt my child and we will pretend like nothing ever happened... I really need help on this situation. Its not this guys fault I never told him he had a son, I do not want to disrupt his life with his wife and kids this was all my fault

this8384 · Feb 24, 2011, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by munchkin27

about 4 yrs ago i got pregnant but really never knew who the father was i had a good idea but i never told this guy i just took it upon myseld to have the baby and deal with it, i made a mistake and i put this guy on the welfare claim and now they are going after him for child support, this guy gets a hold of me and is freaking out he is married and has kids, and i never told him he might have a son, now welfare is taking us to cort, what will happen to him, will he have to pay back child support if he is the father will they make him take a DNA test? what will happend to me because i never told this guy he might have a son? my son has been raised by my husband now since he was 2 months and he has been wanting to adopt him and this other guy and i have a mutual agreement that if the court makes him take a DNA test and he is the father he will turn all rights to me so that my husband can adopt my child and we will pretend like nothing ever happend... I really need help on this situation. its not this guys fault i never told him he had a son, i do not want to disrupt his life with his wife and kids this was all my fault

They will definitely make him take a DNA test to determine if he is, in fact, the child's father.

And you're right - it's not his fault. It's yours. If you didn't want to disrupt his life, you should have been honest 4 years ago.

The court has to approve any adoption - your husband cannot simply volunteer and the father cannot simply say he doesn't want his rights.

All of that aside, I think it's pretty crummy that you haven't learned from your mistakes and now want to continue to sweep this under the rug. When your son gets older, he's going to notice that there is no father's name on his birth certificate. What are you going to do then - lie to him some more about who his father is?