[Ogling]

To others my husband and I have a perfect marriage. But we have hurt each other in some terrible ways. I have been seeing another guy that wants to be with me and take care of me. I am so confused as what to do. I love my husband but it's not like it used to be. Some days I feel like I am pretending when I say I love him. I need help...

[Cat1864]

How long have you been married?
Are there children involved?
How long have you been feeling this way about your marriage?

The first thing you need to do is eliminate some of your confusion by letting the person you are seeing go. Cheating (whether physically or emotionally) is not helpful in any way. If at all possible you need to have absolutely nothing to do with the other man.

You need to communicate with your husband and work together to either rebuild your marriage or dissolve it as peacefully as possible.

If you want to attempt to work on your marriage, then marriage counseling should be your next step. I would say 'might be', but it seems as though you have a lot of hurt to work through and a professional mediator would be able to help you both open up and find out if there is a foundation that can be fixed. Even if he refuses to go, counseling for yourself can aid you in deciding what your best course of action is.

IF you decide to leave the marriage, it should be because it is best for you and not because you have another relationship already started or waiting to start. Jumping from one relationship to another does not give you time to heal and unpack the baggage from your last relationship. You need to give yourself time to build up your relationship with yourself and to know that you can survive on your own. Not giving yourself that time and/or not allowing yourself to heal usually results in repeating the mistakes you made in the past.

[450donn]

Changing spouses will not change YOUR attitude. Dumb the boy friend, and get some professional help with your existing marriage.

[lola061170]

You defintely need help. U need to stop cheating on your husband. Resolve your issues with your husband- go to therapy. Decide if you want to save your marriage. Cheating is wrong and ultimately it makes u feel worse. ( not to mention it makes u a wh**e)

[talaniman]

Settle your issues at home before you wander into someone else or you are a lying cheater.

[foxymona73]

I say leave your husband and be with your lover. But u never said how long u have been marry? And if you have any children? But I'm going through the same thing and I have been married for 14 yrs and have 1 son that's 11 yrs old. So its hard for me to leave my husband for my lover because I have a son that loves his dad very much and my husband is a good dad. But I really want to be with my lover. But I say life is short and you want to be happy. If you are not happy and if u don't have any kids. I say go be with your lover.

[grammadidi]

You're right. You need help. You will NOT find what you need in the arms of another man. The first thing you need to do is stop seeing the other guy. That just makes you more confused.

You say that you love your husband but it's not the way it used to be. Of course not! Your marriage will only be as good as YOU make it. You need to stop running to other people to try to fill the emptiness you feel... that includes your husband. It is YOUR responsibility to make yourself happy. It is also your responsibility to communicate with your partner and to get help doing so if you need help.

If you love your husband and there is no abuse then it's worth putting your all into fixing it. Should you leave?? My theory on that is this: "When in doubt... don't!" Instead of running away from your problems, face them. Nobody said marriage would be easy. It's time to act like a partner and get working on this. I would not only suggest marriage counseling I think individual counseling might also be in order. You need to figure out why you would prefer to cheat on someone you love instead of work together at strengthening your relationship.

I think you have some issues of your own that need to be worked out in order to be the best partner you can be. If you address those issues you can better decide what you really feel and how you want to deal with the marital issues.

I believe that if you are willing to spend some time resolving your own issues for yourself, then put more work into your marriage and making your husband feel loved that you would be a lot happier.

Good luck!

Hugs, Didi

[Cat1864]

I say leave your husband and be with your lover. But u never said how long u have been marry? and if you have any children? But I'm going through the same thing and I have been married for 14 yrs and have 1 son thats 11 yrs old. So its hard for me to leave my husband for my lover because I have a son that loves his dad very much and my husband is a good dad. But i really want to be with my lover. But I say life is short and you want to be happy. If you are not happy and if u don't have any kids. I say go be with your lover.

I am sorry, but I disagree. Leaving one relationship for another relationship causes a lot of problems. Not the least of which are trust issues. Why should the lover trust the person who cheated in their last relationship? If the person did once, chances are very good that he/she will do it again instead of working through the problems.

Jumping from one relationship into another one does allow the person to heal and unpack the emotional baggage he/she is carry around. If the person doesn't take time to let go of the past, then he/she shoves his/her issues on to the next person expecting him/her to carry it and deal with it. It puts a stress on the relationship that should not be there.

In the case of Ogling, she appears to be looking for a crutch when she should be learning how to love and be happy with herself.

Happiness comes from within not from another person. If the person is unhappy in the relationship and can't or won't work on the relationship, then he/she should get out and work on finding what makes him/her happy.

Leaving should not be for another person. It should be for yourself.