[skyfyre]

I'm 26yrs old and want to leave my common-law partner. We've been together for 5 years and have a house together (only his name is on the deed). We have struggled during this time because it made more sense for me to raise the kids instead of putting them in daycare, we couldn't afford the costs anyway. So I've been a stay-at-home mom for 4 years now and only recently started working weekends because he works during the week. I have no credit, 12,000 worth of debt (b/c we put him through school with my credit) and no family near me to help. And we have 2 children both under the age of 4. Ive tried EVERYTHING to keep our relationship going, except counseling (b/c he won't go) but nothing seems to work. . why, you may ask, am I leaving? Well, verbal abuse. It started before we had children, but I thought it was just because we were under a lot of financial pressure. I left him twice and he was respectful for 4/5 months after I returned and then it started back up again. But by that time we had already had our first child, so I wanted to try and work through it. After we had our daughter things started getting worse and then I found out we were pregnant with our second. The verbal abuse starting escalating and he started throwing and breaking things around our home, so I left him (I was 3wks to my due date at this time). I decided to return to our home and work things out again. We've had ups and downs since then and nothing seems to be getting any better. Ive had high hopes for our relationship, but I don't see how it can get better when he says he values me as an equal but then turns around and says everything we have is because HE has got it and I don't have half the responsibility he does. Mind you, yes, everything we have IS because of him... why? Because I've put my life on hold so we could get to where we are now. We never would have been able to afford this house if he didn't go back to school and get a better job. Even though he bought this house on a 15$/hr salary. Add 2 kids to the mix and 15$ doesn't cut it anymore. I know I still love him, but I'm not in love with the person he is today because he cuts me down and isn't here for me - emotionally. So, down to what I want to ask. I don't want to take my kids to a shelter and have them exposed to that kind of environment, what can I do? Where do I go for financial help/housing. I have NO MONEY, all I earn goes to bills/food/things the kids need. I KNOW forsure (b/c he's indirectly told friends "if she ever left- blah blah" in front of me) that I would get nothing from this house, he would destroy anything I valued just to hurt me and he would have the locks changed. He has also said that he would hire the best lawyer and take the kids from me if I ever left. I've heard whoever has the most money to get a lawyer gets the children? Is this true? My kids are the MOST IMPORTANT thing in my life and I've spent everyday of their lives with them!! And I've put everything on hold for them and my partner, which is why I'm in the position I'm in. PLEASE someone, tell me something, I'm desperate and don't want my children to turn into hateful, insecure, negative and angry adults.
Side note: I've let this go on for as long as it has because my "husband" has had a rough upbringing (which I didn't find out in detail until we were together for 2 years). Basically, one of his parents was a junkie and died and the other was in and out of the nut house because of it. He was in and out of foster homes until the other parent was mentally well enough to have him back but even then, that parent was doped up on so much medication that that parent wasn't really there for him. So I've been more patient and understanding knowing this.

[joypulv]

One of the keywords under your question is 'California' (I always wonder about those keywords), and CA hasn't had common law marriage since 1895, and the new domestic partnership of 1999 is for same sex couples or couples in which one party is at least age 62.

It's too bad that you didn't marry and didn't get on the deed before having children. It's too bad you chose to have children with so little resources (lack of enough BC = a choice). He's worried about MONEY I suspect. But there's no point belaboring that now.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that the highest price lawyer always wins. If you can't save this relationship, then you start contacting women's shelters, file for full or partial custody, fight for child support, and take all the steps mothers take who want to keep their children.

Verbal abuse and throwing things are not what I would leave over with 2 small children at stake. I would find a not for profit financial counselor. Cut out every pair of spring shoes and coffee shop coffee and start accounting for every dime. Couples fight over money more than anything else. See if you can save the marriage. And get married!

[JudyKayTee]

The best lawyer doesn't decide who gets custody. The best parent (hopefully) gets custody.

Another good reason not to share assets and children and money when you are not married or same sex domestic partners.