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DEAN30 · Feb 14, 2011, 12:00 AM

My son's father has Joint legal custody and visitation rights, but he does not let me speak to my son when he's at his house. What should I file in GA if they say you have to show a material change and can't do a parenting plan unless you file custody?

ScottGem · Feb 14, 2011, 04:18 AM

First its not a good idea to piggyback your question on someone else's. This can lead to confusion. You should start a new thread. So I've moved your question to its own thread.

So the only problem is that while the father is exercising his visitation rights you aren't allowed to speak with your son? Why is this such a big deal that you want to go back to court on it? In my opinion, the court will not even hear this issue unless there is something else behind it.

How old is your son, are there any problems when he returns to you?

DEAN30 · Feb 14, 2011, 09:50 AM

1 years old. And Why wouldn't you allow me to speak to my kid? Also, that's a big deal because its open line of communication, and if you have both parents to interact with the child, that's healthy. It's called discussing the upbring in full detail of the child-ct order. If he won't talk, how can I discuss anything?
Do you not have children? You never keep a child from speaking to a parent, that says what will you tell him when he gets a little older. I wanted to know how he was doing and he didn't answer, just hung up each time.

smoothy · Feb 14, 2011, 09:59 AM

Let me try and explain what the father most likely sees.

The boy is one year old... he's not going to be having a rational conversation yet on a telephone... you would be the one doing all the talking and he will do all the listening.

Also... I'm willing to guess you have the child most of the time, right? The father is likely seeing that as your attempting to reduce his time with the child even further during the times he has custody.

So take a step back.. take a deep breath and consider... is this really more about talking to your child... or depriving your ex from as much time as he is entitled to with the child?

Reverse the roles... YOU have the boy only on weekends and the father was the one who expected to call every day and spend an indeterminate amount of time on the phone to him. How would you feel then.

ScottGem · Feb 14, 2011, 05:48 PM

First, I'm trying to help you so stifle the 'tude. I needed to understand the situation better.

At 1 yr old, your child is not capable of carrying on a phone conversation. Even if the child is verbal to some extent its not going to be enough. Smoothy make a valid point about the father potentially seeing this as cutting into his time. And I think the courts would agree.

If you feel that both parents should interact, and I agree that is healthy, then you schedule tome together. When the child is older and can carry on a conversation, then it might be an issue, but clearly not now.

Yes I have a child and no I never kept her from talking with a parent. But then I married someone who I stayed married to, so it wasn't an issue. But I can tell you in the father's position given the age of the child, I would look at the mother calling as interference with my parenting time.

DEAN30 · Feb 14, 2011, 10:46 PM

OK, listen, Ihe doesn't call him not even once a week unless he's sick, he's said that he doesn't see a need to talk to him except when he sees him every other weekend. Also, like I told the other guy, he says mommy, daddy, hello, yes, no, I don't want that, can I have some? So he is very articulate. But I don't want a conversation, just to hear his voice and say hi its mommy. And to know if he's OK. Also, what time am I cutting in if he doesn't even call or think it's that serious to call him once a week at least.

ScottGem · Feb 15, 2011, 04:34 AM

First, if you have a follow-up question or info, please use the Answer options as you did before, not Comments.

I understand your maternal feelings and the need to hear his voice. Father's generally don't have such feelings, at least not to the same degree. So its not unusual or wrong or bad parenting for him to not feel the need to hear his son's voice while he is not with him.

But, from a legal standpoint, he is in control while its his time. Your original question was what to file and the answer to that is not to file anything because, legally, you don't have a leg to stand on. I'm sorry you don't like or want to accept that, but we try to give accurate advice here, not what the asker wants to hear.

As your son gets older, he may want to hear mommy's voice while he's with dad. If the father prevents that, then you have something to go to court about. Right now you have nothing. So your best bet is to either seek some counseling on how to deal with your separation anxiety, or find another way to compensate while he's with his father.

But if you try to make a big issue over this you will be the bad guy.