[zman26]

Here it goes! Been upset all week because I had two booty calls in the same week. I suppose I had two because the first one wasn't satisfying and the second one was, but I had a lot of regret afterwards. The reason being I still love my ex who now lives 1500 miles away. She and I used to spend a lot of time together when we were living in the same city. We fell madly in love and she expresses that she loves me an I love her through letters and phone calls all the time.

I've been having a lot of separation anxiety that started a couple of weeks before she was left in early December 2010. I love her so much and do not want to hurt her. Should I tell her what I did or keep that too myself? I just know that it would ruin everything if she found out, even though we are not officially together because of the distance.

Could it also be I was taking this time to figure myself out before making the decision to be together again in the future and even marry her. I can see myself getting married to her and having her kids someday. This is something that I just know to be true in my heart. She is the one and I can feel it.

Was I just being human and expressing myself for a way to numb the pain of her not being here?
Was I just soiling my oats now in order to prepare myself for long term commitment in the future with her?

I have been in relationships for the last 5 years with 3 different girls. I have really never dated and had fun for myself. Could it be that I was just trying to have fun and focus on me for a change?

I have been focusing a lot on the women in my life and have avoided myself. Could it be that's why I always put myself down when things are bad and don't go my way? I tend to blame myself a lot and she has told me that in the past that I'm too hard on myself.

Is there any good advice anyone can give me? Someone who really understands what I'm going through? I need some help. I am going to see her again in a month for a Spring Break trip. I do not want to have this hanging over my head.

I feel horrible because this just happened this past week.

I am definitely going to get tested before I see her again. On another note she want's to have sex when I see her. If I show any guilt or restraint from having sex with her I know she will think something is wrong. The sex was always great and I want it to be great when I see her again. I don't want to loose her. I love her too much!

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes you should feel a moral upset over merely having sex with two "booty calls" in one week without having any care or concern for them. Esp if you were hoping or planning on trying to get back with your ex.

A person needs to have more control over their sexual desires than to rush out for a booty party, as soon as you break up with one women

[zman26]

We broke up in early December so it didn't just happen. It has been about 3 months. We probably won't get back together for more than a year she says because she has moved back in with her parents and has to save money to pay off student loans. I on the other hand went back to school. So we broke up more because of financial reasons than anything. I have shown myself that I don't want to have sex with someone I don't care about. This isn't a very good feeling so I tell myself "why do it again". We all make mistakes and I haven't ever done anything like this before. I just have trouble forgiving myself. I guess I was just trying to find a quick fix. I have been on anti depressants before and they're no fun and tried therapy for my anxiety. I realized that I can't do what I did again unless it was with someone who I've dated in between the time me and my ex are apart because I can't just wait on her. She has told me to move on and date regardless of her being jealous if she found out. We agreed not to tell because it would cause jealousy issues. She said she would not have sex with anyone, but would not be mad if I did. This was said before and after we broke up. I still feel bad though because I do have very strong feelings for her. But, should I be punished for making mistakes? I feel this guilt is punishment enough. Losing sleep every night is torture and believe me I've suffered from this anxiety ever since my other ex of 3 years gave me the boot early last year. Relationships can be hard and I've had my share, but I learn something new about myself everyday. I may not be perfect but I'm human and I acknowledge my wrong doings. I hope that this experience has shown me that letting my sexual desires rule my life is self destructive. I'd rather just hang out with close friends than be with people who just don't give a crap about me and all we do is have sex and there is no Love. It felt awkward afterwards. I hated that. I don't want to make this mistake again. I promise to myself that I won't.

[adviceishere]

The reason why you are not together is bcause she is 1500 miles away therefore your both allowed see other people, otherwise you would have both tried a long distance relationship, why break up then if your not allowed be with other people? You did not make any mistake, you both agreed before and after she left, your only human man! Don't tell her, its none of her business, she's not your girlfriend and she made it clear she doesn't want to know what you got up to, in my opinion the reason you slept with the two girls is cause you probably did think it a quick fix to get over her, rebound as they call it, but it didn't work, your feeling are obviously far to strong to just get over this woman, so put it down to a good thing, now you know nothing can ever replace her, your absoluetly 100% she is the one and now you know you can start making plans together, have a long distant relationship, I don't see the reason you shouldn't, your both in love with each other and if you can both be trusted then do it, a year is nothing and you can visit when ever possible, go with your heart, don't tell her about the 2 woman, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

[talaniman]

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and try to do better later. You have learned something about yourself, and that's what life is about if you remember the lessons you have learned. Don't let anybody make you feel guilty about making a mistake.