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Jimthethird · Feb 10, 2011, 03:34 PM

4 months ago I broke up with my ex who id been with for almost 4 years. I'm 23 and she was my first real girlfriend (perhaps I started a little late). We are both currently in the third year of the same university course and we live together, with no option of this changing for the next 6 months of longer.

In addition to this my ex, 2 months ago started dating one of the guys in our close uni social group (there are 5 of us), and I have few other friends outside of this group making socialising a rare occasion as I can face hanging out with my usual lot.

I'm really having trouble getting over her and being forces to see her at home and the pair of them at uni is really making it hard to move on. In their defence they are being "respectful" by not being all relationshipy (touching + kissing) in my presence, the downside of this is that they feel that because their putting this effort in there's no reason why I should be bothered anymore. I've tried to be OK with it but it's just getting harder to deal with.

I really get along with her as a friend and don't want anything more than that, but unless I can get over her I can't see any way for us to remain friends.

Any advice?

answerme_tender · Feb 10, 2011, 03:45 PM

Stop hanging around them as much as possible, hang out with the friends outside the group as much as possible. Get into some other clubs to make other friends.

If she brings him to you place of living just stay in your room, However, I would also advise her calmly and non-threatening way that you also need your privacy and if she wants to bring him over that will need to hang out in her rooms sometimes. See what she feels is fair, perhaps her new boyfriend would like to take over lease from you--so you can move on!!

The thing is your not getting out from being around her. YOu need to stay away from her as much as possible. Talk to the other people in group besides her and her new boyfriend see if they want to hang out with out them around every once and awhile. Then advise them if they do the rule will be NOT to talk about the couple NOT there!!

Take care

liongal · Feb 10, 2011, 03:53 PM

Poor thing, I have been in a similar situation so I know how you feel. I know I wanted to strangle everyone and be done with the hurt. :o(

I agree with asking if he wants to swap places and maybe you go where he is. But yeah, it must be awkward :o/

Jimthethird · Feb 10, 2011, 04:12 PM

Forgot to mention that it's my place we live in (I rent off the council) so she'll be the one moving out when that happens, also he never comes over as we discussed that and he's got his own place. I still want to be her friend so I'm worried keeping too much of a distance may push her away for good. The uni group either lives with him of hangs around him most days so there a bit of a no go but I have other friends. Guess I've got to focus on getting out more. Silly how it takes someone else saying it for me to consider getting out, got myself it a bit of a rut I guess. Thanks

vanheart · Feb 10, 2011, 05:07 PM

Do everything in your power to stay away from her.

I wouldn't worry too much about being her friend. Find a new social group.

She had the nerve to dump you & get with one of your friends. All with complete disregard. As she's living with you. What balls.

I would kick her butt out, honestly. Let her worry about it, not you.

No sense waiting.

talaniman · Feb 10, 2011, 05:31 PM

Does she pay her share of rent or living expenses??

vanheart · Feb 10, 2011, 08:39 PM

You may feel like you have some responsibility with the accommodations.

But where there's a will, there's a way. All up to you. In No sense you being miserable while she's coming & going. That's just sick.

Having to put up with this disrespect until the term agreement with the school.

After all, your studies are what's important.

You may want to consider getting a different place asap. Im sure people move around all the time. The Uni doesn't really care.

Your peace of mind is #1.

Remove her from your space & mind. Im sure you would like to have a peaceful space to come home to. Where you don't have to walk on eggshells. All because of her and your kindness.

Let her live w/her new. Boyfriend.

Who, BTW, isn't a friend.