[KitKat59]

I seem to have a very difficult situation. To start at the beginning, I was abused by my husband for 13 years I stayed because of the children. 3 to be exact, I thought I was doing the right thing for them. I mean he never hurt them just me, I was wrong. One day I came home from work with the kids and as soon as they noticed he was home they all cried. I knew at that point I had to do something. I would rather be dead then to keep going through the treats and seeing my children afraid for me. So I spent 3 years moving, trying to figure out how to keep him away. Finally it worked. The kids for the most part are OK. The oldest my daughter, well she has been up and down. The kids are all grown in the 20's. The two youngest the boys have their own families now. I remarried 10 years after my divorce to a very good man.
My problem is my Daughter, she is 28 now. She has this I love you I hate you thing for me. She has been in and out of treatment centers since I left her father. There was a very short time that she was really doing well. Job Boyfriend, moved out. Got pregnant. Twins, they are now 4 years old. The twins have different Fathers. I didn't believe it was possible, but it is. The little boy's father wants both of the children and the girl's father died just after he found out that he was a father. My daughter had left her boyfriend after the first 9 months, and since then has married, divorced and well been through 5 different poppa Mr. this and that's. Most of the time the kids live with me and are happy safe. M
My real problem is my daughter; she is abusive to me just as her father was. Threats, physical, stealing, I'm not sure how far she will really go. She hit me with my own truck, while she was trying to steal it. She tells me that if I say anything, I'll never see the babies again. She has done it a few times already. The kids love her as they should, but when she's mad she fills their head with so much nasty hatred for whoever she is upset with at the time. I called Child protective service on her once, because of the way she treats the kids and because I know she is on drugs. Well they checked her out, tested her by then enough days had gone by and she was clean. I didn't see the kids about a month. Last week she went crazy and started spray painting are cars. My son came to try to talk to her; she called the police and told them that he hit her. Told me not to say a word she would make me pay. The kids would be gone one way or the other. My son was charged with assault her destruction of property. When they release her she came and took the kids anyway. I don't know what to do, they say I should try to get custody of the children, but the boy's father will fight for him and the twins would be separated. If I lose what will happen then. I'm scared and not sure where to turn. I've talked to my family, my husband no one has any answers. I'm tired of being scared for myself for my family and for those babies. It's not like before I can't just pack up and leave the kids are not mine. I know she will keep coming back; she needs me to take care of them when she isn't in the mood or too busy sleeping. I don't know were to turn.

[liongal]

Unfortunately, I don't have answers for your situation, but I wanted to extend my my thought after ready your story... My heart goes out to you... God Bless and I know he will send someone to help you through this tough time.

[0rphan]

Hi there kitkat, I am so sorry for all of you in this dreadful situation,it cannot be allowed to go on.

Your daughter clearly has issues, which need to be dealt with by a professional,I would say that her problems stem from her childhood, she is the eldest, therefore would have been more aware of all the things that were happening at that time, maybe deep down she thinks that you are responsible for staying with her dad, putting up with the abuse year after year, as you've stated... for the sake of the children.

It seems that your daughter has stepped into her fathers shoes,regarding her abusive behaviour toward you and the rest of the family... abuse = result= get what I want,do what the hell I want,just try and stop me,you'll all get more of the same.


Mentally the scars for your children will remain,as you say the others have coped except for your daughter,she clearly needs proffessional help to deal with deep seated issues, so that she may move on.

I suspect the drugs are fueling her issues,bringing them upper most in her mind,keeping her angry,she must come off.I don't suppose there is any chance of getting her to see a doctor!

I think you must all stand together as a family support each other when your daughter gets out of hand,don't stand for it,WATCHOUT FOR THE CHILDREN, WHO HAVE TO BE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN THIS VERY VOLATILE SITUATION.
If it becomes necessary to gain custody or a temporary residing order for the children, because of their welfare then you MUST do that for fear of their safety... they need to stay together though.I am sure if it was only temporary and the father saw this was for his children's safety,then he may be very agreeable to it as long as he had open access,I'm presuming he has to work,so couldn't look after then full time anyway.

When your daughter sorts her self out and can proof that she will be a responsible mother then things can change... but you all have to contribute to that change, otherwise things will be the same 5 years down the line.

A good idea would be to keep a diary/log of all the incidents that happen concerning your daughter.
Times, places, what took place, outcome, were the police called, reference number, people involved,photos if possible etc... you get the idea, be sure she doesn't find it.

Continue to do this for as long as it takes,you will then have a diary of all the abusive events that have taken place, which if necessary you can use as evidence for the authorities to consider and make a case against her regarding the children.

I sincerely hope this situation improves for all of your benefits.Remember you don't have to take it a second time, so don't...

Goodluck

[KitKat59]

Thank You, I really know deep down inside me. The answer it's just hard. I have been keeping a day to day diary of everything. Yes it is hidden for if she ever did find it, God only knows who would pay. The babies are my first and foremost concern. I love my daughter, I know some were in her is a good person. She needs help, but won't admit to it. Our whole Family is concerned. No scared, we never know what she will do. It's like putting crystel away, the slightest touch can make it break. Sometime just writing done what is happening helps me cope with everything. I tried to find a message board a blog someplace to reach out. Strange that there really is no place for a parent that is being abused to go to. Without getting the courts involved. At the present time she is still mad at me, haven't seen the kids in 3 weeks. They are fine, I have checked with their school. I put them in a full day private school. Just so everyone can feel that they are safe and happy for 6 hours a day.

[0rphan]

Hi kitkat... please feel free at any time to come back.. yes it does help just to write things down and get them out of your head.

I work odd hours so I'm not always around,but there will always be someone else here on the boards, ready and able to help you and your family through this difficult time.

You seem to be doing the right things,remember to also take time out for yourself.

You are not alone, we are all your friends here.

Takecare.

[teakram]

Dear mother my heart goes out to you, your DAUGHTER will never change ,sorry but you will have to make the changes for you and your family.She is bitter, her dad did it and it was OK, why not her.You are her punching bag and will always be her punching bag, just like every abusive man,father she has learned and is now conditioned to deal with her stress punching you. WAKE UP STOP FEELING SORRY FOR HER.SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING ,YOU Don't KNOW YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO THOSE KIDS AS A GRANDPARENT. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW.GOOD LUCK.

[grannie62]

It is helpful to read all the posts. My 43 yo son is so disrespectful and so rude to me it is awful. When I called him on it and told him to change his tone when talking to me - he never called = nothing for six weeks. He mocks me, is disrespectful, condescending, loud and patronizing. It is awful... It sucks = it is so painful. However, if he wants something he is his old self.

I know it is time to completely let go ==this **** has gone for years, yes - he is manipulator, yes - he is a user =

I know - and now - I have no choice - as painful as it is - I have to stop hurting myself by calling him,he never calls me now that the kids are too old for babysitters - so

Here I go = holding my nose and jumping into =what=what could be worse than hanging up the phone feeling like I have been beaten = because I HAVE emtionally beaten = he even laughs at me when he does it.

So - here I go - for me -no more abuse - I am too old and too tired for this ****.

Good luck to everyone dealing with this issue - it is the ultimate in abuse.