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coco01 · Feb 8, 2011, 05:28 AM

The relationship lasted 10 yrs. It ended with the police removing him from my home with an order of protection for 2 yrs. There was extreme mental abuse. Not so much physical, but the mental did enough damage. Financially, there was no benefit to me (we were a couple when convenient to him) However, I still feel guilty, lonely. I also became ill before all this happened and he showed his true colors, which again didn't help me any. Again left to fend for myself. I can't seem to move on. There has been no contact with him for over a year. Things were left unfinished...

tickle · Feb 8, 2011, 05:55 AM

You mean you don't have any feelings of closure, but you have. You initiated his removal which was causing you harm and that was the end of it. You are within the pattern of any woman who has been involved in a relationship with a man showing mental or physical abuse. I assure you that what happened happened for the best reason available: so you could move on with your life without being held back by a man like that. You got stuck in a rut for l0 years and now its ended. You should be happy.

You have to get back on your feet now and enjoy your freedom, freedom to find someone worthy of your affection.

Tick

redhed35 · Feb 8, 2011, 06:53 AM

The loneiness is a killer, and sometimes you may think,at least when he was around I was not lonely.

There is only one way to beat the hell out of loneiness, and that's people, you need people,your people, your family, your support group, who ever they are they are the key to getting off the ground again.

He's gone,that's more then half the battle, with no contact for a year, healing IS taking place, you may not feel it yet, but its happening, in your heart, in your soul and your spirit, the toxic relationship is over.

The loneiness is apart of that healing, I know that sounds strange, but its your minds way of telling you your ready to interact with the world again... taking up a course maybe a life skills class, or a life coach! once you start the cogs turning it will be easy peasy! its just getting started that's the problem, so enlist the help of a friend, family member a counsellor, someone who is on your side and has your back.

You know, the thing about abuse, for me anyway is, it leaves scars, and sometimes they itch, your remember something that happened in the past and damnit you can't help but take out that memory and examine it... the trick is, if you can,deal with it and know its in the past.

As far as things been left unfinished, how exactly? That he did'nt drive you completely insane?
Been there, done that, I can tell you there were nights when felt my mind would actually snap... I got out, and so did you,that is your CLOSURE, moving on is your CLOSURE, never having to face those demons again,is your CLOSURE..

If you have not already, seek counselling, and I wish you the very best of luck on your journey towards complete healing and goods days ahead.