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luv2teach02 · Feb 6, 2011, 09:15 PM

My husband and I were high school sweethearts and after being in other marriages for 20 years and a small amount of communication between us over the years, we got together and got married 9 years ago. A happy marriage overall, he is a heavy drinker, has never gotten help for it etc. 5 years ago, he got a job out of town and was gone for 15 months. He would come home on weekends, but be gone during the week. I would visit him whenever I had time off, and his sexual habits began changing. For instance, he began smoking right after sex which he never did at home, he smoked but never after sex. He also asked me to begin putting my fingers into his anus during sex and really seemed to enjoy it an awful lot. Now years later, he still craves that every now and then, and I indulge him. Tonight was the bell that rang in my head, I went into the office to shut down his computer after he had passed out and the mouse had been left on his history which was open. He had been searching for questions about giving oral sex to other men etc. He seems to be questioning the judgement call in all of it. Help! Do I confront him?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 6, 2011, 09:20 PM

Do you give him oral on any regular base ? Could he have been looking for info on how to do it, to perhaps discuss it with you?

ken007nielsen · Feb 6, 2011, 10:25 PM

Yes you do confront him if you would like to know.

And the finger is the anus isent a just for homosexuals I know lots that do that, and their as straight as they come.

Cat1864 · Feb 7, 2011, 07:03 AM

I wouldn't 'confront' him. That sounds like you are ready for a fight instead of listening. I would talk to him about what you found since it obviously has you concerned.

Be honest with him that what was left up on his computer when you went to shut it down has you curious. If you want him to be responsive, do not put him on the defensive by getting upset or accusing him of anything.

Ask him why the change in smoking habits. It could be that he started having one after masturbating and it became a habit after climaxing.

The finger is massaging the prostate gland. Most men enjoy it and it can be helpful for men experiencing difficulties with erection and/or ejaculation.

Communicate with him. He may be working through internal issues with what turns him on. That doesn't mean he is bi-sexual or homosexual only that he may not be finding some things as big of a turn off as they once were.

I am not sure I understand what you mean by, "He seems to be questioning the judgment call in all of it."