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butterfly2018 · Feb 6, 2011, 03:34 PM

I am of age and I am wanting to have a baby. The only thing is I am not married and not in a relationship. I have an ideal of who I would like to the be the father of my unborn child, but I am not sure how to go about asking or presenting this case?

ScottGem · Feb 6, 2011, 04:24 PM

Are you pregnant or just wanting to be?

butterfly2018 · Feb 6, 2011, 05:17 PM

Wanting to be. I have a friend in mind to ask, but its such a delicate subject. I thought I should get some advice first.

ScottGem · Feb 6, 2011, 05:21 PM

How old are you and will you be able to financially support yourself and the child?

Fr_Chuck · Feb 6, 2011, 05:27 PM

And you realise that the man would have rights to the child and could even be forced to pay child support if you or child ever receives welfare

jenniepepsi · Feb 6, 2011, 05:51 PM

If you are an adult, with a good job and stability and the ability to support your child and yourself, I personally see no reason not to ask this of a friend. I would simply ask. No beating around the bush. Its your decision if you are an adult.

On another note, I had a friend who did this, asked a friend to help her become pregnant. He agreed. And then ended up married and very happy. Keep your mind open on all possibilitys

martinizing2 · Feb 6, 2011, 07:02 PM

As strange as it seems to be to some people , I have always been baby hungry.

From the time my youngest sister was born ( I was 15) I realized that I seemed to have a desire to be around babies and kids.
I have always liked kids,. all of them. And I have always been able to quickly become friends with kids. Real friends.
I have them at the door asking if I can come out and play to this day. And most of the time , I go play for a bit.
I love it.

But babies are a sacred trust , totally dependent , totally helpless and to me, a complete joy to be around.
If I had a dollar for each time someone has said , "you don't need to hold the baby ALL the time" (or something similar)
I would buy an island.
I have held my grandchildren while they slept for entire nights and didn't realize it until I saw it getting light.

I get carried away talking about it... if you didn't notice.

My point is,.
Have you had a baby in your care before ?
As much as I like it, it is more work, and responsibility than most people ever realize until they have one of their own.

The demands are 24/7 and can be exhausting.

I believe also that children are best raised with two parents.
The influence from a male and female seems to make the job of raising children easier for all involved.

Being a single parent is vastly more work than I ever expected. I had custody of my youngest son and was a single parent starting when he was 7.
If he had been an infant , I may have been overwhelmed.
Any person who is to a degree successful as a single parent has my respect and admiration and sympathy .

I understand the desire and longing to have a baby, maybe not to the point a woman can, but enough to have people question my sanity, motives , my sexuality, and even suggest I had an overload of estrogen.

Are you really ready to undertake a task that has beaten down many many people who tried their best but found it too much?
And the cost of failure can potentially ruin yours and the baby's life.

Before you ask someone to be the "contributor / father" I would suggest that you take more time to consider and reconsider this decision.

If you know someone who has a baby , arrange to take a week and care for all the needs of that child. Any new mother I know would bless you if you did.

The rewards children bring to your life are indescribable and some of the best life has to offer.

The price of failure can reverberate through all the lives that touch yours, and can be the ruin of an innocent being brought into this world by no choice or deed of their own , and devastate those who had nothing but the best intentions of being a good parent to their child.

This may be the most important decision you ever make.

Please take the time and effort to choose well..
My prayers are with you .

Enigma1999 · Feb 6, 2011, 07:18 PM

Well let me ask you something...

What if he wants to be apart of this babies life?

Will you let him?

butterfly2018 · Feb 6, 2011, 09:43 PM

I would love if he is part of the babies life. I just don't want him to feel he obligated to

butterfly2018 · Feb 6, 2011, 09:49 PM

That would be awesome as well. There is a mutual attraction between the friend and myself. I am open to that possibility as well. I have a good job, pretty good benefits. I think its easier to ask someone I know than a stranger.

butterfly2018 · Feb 6, 2011, 09:50 PM

I am 37 going on 38 and yes, I have a good job where I am stable. The good thing is I am able to work from home some days with my job.

butterfly2018 · Feb 6, 2011, 09:52 PM

Yes, I have researched the legal side of it as well. From having is name on the birth certificate to child rights of the father.

ScottGem · Feb 7, 2011, 04:53 AM

Ok then. I want to thank you for answering our questions. You understand that we needed to know that you were a responsible adult asking. We have had similar questions from teens.

I do have one more question. Do you want to have sex with this man or do you just want his sperm? The way you ask is really dependent on that.

If you want to have sex with him, then I would ask him over for dinner. After the meal, I would sit down with him and start by telling him that you have an unusual request. Explain that you feel your biological clock ticking away and that you have been thinking a lot of recently of having a child. Tell him you think his gene pool would make for a good child. Tell him that you would expect no financial or emotional attachment to the child and that you will put that in writing (even though it probably would not be accepted by a court). Tell him that he will be welcome to be a part of the child's life if he so chooses.
Then tell him that yo are willing to conceive the child through intercourse or by sperm donation, whichever he prefers.

P.S. Please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page for follow-up. No need to post a comment to each post.

butterfly2018 · Feb 7, 2011, 06:43 AM

ScottGem,
I think having sex is more natural, but if he was willing to donate his sperm that would be acceptable as well. And thank you so much for your comments and questions. You have been great and very helpful.

ScottGem · Feb 7, 2011, 03:32 PM

The thing that bothers me about asking this man to have sex with you, is I am bothered (and maybe this is my own prudishness) by having sex without a commitment. Sex, In my opinion is not a recreation. Its an intimacy that should only be shared with someone you are deeply committed to. Its possible this man feels similarly and may be taken aback by the offer.

But I wish you luck and I hope you will keep us posted. I think I speak for everyone in saying it would give us great pleasure for you to return in a few months to announce you are pregnant!