[Josh_mcbrm]

Ok so this is what my situation is, my girlfriend and I dated for about three months and got engaged and we have been engaged for nine months (I am currently a junior and she is a sophomore in highshool) when we first started dating her best friend insisted to talk **** about me just because I wasn't her best friends ideal boyfriend (since I'm more of a sensative guy) she spread rumors, tried to get my girlfriend to break up with me and made my life a living hell. Don't get me wrong I love my fiancé to death but I only pretend that I like her best friend (now she acts cool with me but I still have strong hatred from all the pain she put me through) and she spends a night with her every Thursday and Friday (its a school thing kind of complicated) but every time she is with her best friend I have a strong urge to fight because I do not like her best friend and she has "stabbed me in the back" in the past. I've talked to my fiancé about her best friend and how I don't like her and she listens, but nothing really changes. So I guess my question is this, do I have any justice to be mad at my girlfriend for hanging out with some one who's hurt me in the past? If not then how can I control my urge to fight when she's with her?

[cllockhart]

I think you are completely justified in being hurt that your fiancé doesn't care about your feelings. But I also think that she has the right to be friends with whoever she wants to be friends with. If you don't like it then I'm sorry to say but you really have no choice but to end your relationship. I do think you are a little young to be engaged, but I understand thinking you are in love as I was in a relationship and engaged to my high school sweetheart for 5 years before we finally ending it because after high school we turned into two totally different people.

I see what your fiancé is doing as a lack of respect for you. If she really respected you she would talk to her friend about how she treats you and if her friend refuses to change she should dump her as a friend for not respecting her.

I would talk to her about talking to her friend and then based on what she does, go from there.

[talaniman]

Man to man, you don't let others under your skin, and make you act a fool, nor do you take your anger out on others. This is not about her back stabbing friend, its about how you handle YOURSELF in any situation. The friend may be the focus, or the reason behind your feelings, but only you are responsible for how YOU behave. Only you.

Don't let her get your goat young guy, or push your buttons, she sounds jealous, and lonely, and maybe can't help herself, so understand that, and don't do anything stupid because of her.

Matter of fact, don't even talk bad of her to your g/f friend, because that makes you as bad as you say she is, doesn't it? You are still her boyfriend, she is still her friend, and obviously your girl friend ignores both of your opinions, and rightfully so, because she knows you both don't like each other. That's as it should be because you are not married, just two young kids with plans.

You can't control her friend, but you can control yourself. Do so.

[quiteconfused]

I wouldn't say your to young to be engaged but I can see how you unsure of it & worried, but is she is still your girlfriends best friend, you need to think why isn't your girlfriend sticking up for you? also I don't think your girlfriends best friend is going anywhere so you may just have to live with it.