[livinglifegirl]

I don't know what to do... My mom is having an affair. I know because she has pictures of him and her kissing on her laptop, she talks to him in german on the phone, she goes on msn to talk to him. Today, we went to our house on the country side, only my mom and I, and when she was going to let me in at the other opening, I saw some man shoes and I turned away as I of course knew what it was, when I turned aroun they were gone. I feel disgusted. She has also become very uncaring, she's never home, always in our house at the country. It makes me believe that she doesn't care about me... Everything has changed, before she was a great mom, even a bit overprotective... I hate her for this and to think that I still have 3 years and some months back to stay with my parents(I have to graduate first) makes me desperate for some kind of answer to this or advice. I don't know if I should talk to her, what would it help? And the man she's seeing, he's the reason for all this, I wish he would get out of her life and never come back. My dad is really sweet and I feel bad because he does everything at home now when she only comes home 1-2-3 times a week. And he pays for everything and that makes me consider my mom as a loser, that she is when she's doing this. And I've tried telling her that she's never home and that it makes me sad and lonely but she doesn't care. Sometimes she takes me out shopping but that's about what I get from her... Money.
So what should,can I do? I really need to do something about this, I've known about the affair since summer 2010.

[joypulv]

So you are about 15? You are articulate and sound pretty together, and if I were you I would confront her directly about what she is doing to her family, but mainly to you - she should wait until you are gone, to put it bluntly. I would also give her an ultimatum of a very short time like a week to deal with your dad, after which you will tell him.

Remember, you NEVER know the whole story, so stay calm and keep it minimal. Your sweet dad: may know, may have told her he doesn't love her, may have stopped tenderness long ago, may have had an affair, who knows.. no one but them.

[livinglifegirl]

Thanks I turned 16 in October... I just feel disgusted... But I guess I'll have to deal with it, but I know that she isn't mean and that she loves me but she keeps dispointing and hurting me.. Thanks for the answer though.

[Shybliss18]

Oh my gosh I'm sorry to hear that. The best thing is to tell your father what's going on and show him the pictures from your moms laptop like save the pictures on a flash drive or something then show them when your mom is gone again. It's the best thing to do right now.

[redhed35]

Hang on here a second.

Having a show down with your mom is not going to get you anywhere,my advice is to take the softly softly approach..

Talk to her about your life,perhaps on one of the shopping trips,ask how her how is she, etc. try and find common ground without an argument.

I know this hurts, I know you feel for your dad, but this is NOT your fight.

The fall out of a confrontation with your mother could have long lasting effects on your relationship with her, trust me when I say as you get older your perspective will change on your parents, both of them.

You don't know the in's and out's of their marriage.

I agree that you need to speak to someone, how about a paster? A school counsellor?

[livinglifegirl]

The thing that upsets me the most is that she's never home... And I don't want to confront her, I agree with that! It will become an ugly situation if I do that. But I have tried talking to her and telling her that I'm sad because she's never home... But I know that my dad is happy because.. well I can just tell he is so of course I shouldn't interfere with their personal issues but it really makes me sad, thinking that because my mom does this, she doesn't care about me or how I feel and she's never home...
Thanks for your answers! I appreciate it..

[Deity]

You need to understand cheating is not the only thing that's happening here. If your mom gets infected of HIV then your dad will also get infected of HIV, if you want your dad to live more years healthy, you have to tell your dad about, your mom is cheating on him. If you keep it a secret from your dad, your dad would get infected of any kind of virus, and your dad will not make it to 100 years old. If you don't tell your dad now then you have to realize when you grow up and you get marry the same thing that happen to your dad might happen to you too so! Ask yourself, if you want your own kids to keep secrets from your wife cheating on you. Do you want the same life as your dad, if you don't want that kind of life then tell your dad about your mom cheating on him.

[Deity]

You don't respect your dad. If you going to respect your dad, you have to tell your dad what your mom is cheating on him. If you don't tell the truth to your dad, you're going to grow up lying to people the same way your mom lies.