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Ellybaby · Feb 4, 2011, 02:40 AM

Thread moved to personal growth

Well I'm a pretty attractive girl when I was younger I used to get everyguy I wanted and now all of a sudden I turned 20 gained a few pounds not that noticeable but no guy looks at me if a guy tries to get at me there either old or really ugly and it makes me feel ugly and because I've never had a serious boyfriend no guy has ever taken me serious my longest relationship is like 2 weeks everyguy seems to either run away or cheat I don't know what I'm doing wrong it's been about a yr since I've had a boyfriend and it gets lonely because I have no friends or sisters and I haven't gotten laid! In a yr!! I don't get it how I went to every guy looking at me to no one looking at me I feel like I have a curse or something and I feel like I'm about to crack! Nd valentines is coming and everyone around me always have a valentines and I've never had one in all my 20 yrs of living what can you do so a guy can notice me?

adviceishere · Feb 4, 2011, 05:36 AM

Well chances are the guys that used to look at you were the same age as you at the time, now that your older and they're older they've probably developed that "trained eye" we all develop were you can check a woman or man out with out being caught LOL, so they probably are looking but your just not catching them, also you sound a bit shallow if I'm honest, you call the men that build up the courage to take an interest in you either old or ugly, no one wants to be with someone that thinks they too good for them and most people, men and women can pick up on arrogance, sorry I don't mean to sound so brutal, but maybe you need to look at yourself a little more deeply, are your expectations too high? Being single a year isn't that bad, join a club, get a hobbie and it will happen when it happens and you're bound to meet loads of people on the way, looks are not everything I'm sure you have some inner qualities that people will love and be attracted too, just like them "old and ugly" men

martinizing2 · Feb 4, 2011, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by Ellybaby

Well I'm a pretty attractive girl when I was younger I used to get everyguy I wanted nd now all of a sudden I turned 20 gained a few pounds not that noticeable but no guy looks at me if a guy tries to get at me there either old or really ugly and it makes me feel ugly and because I've never had a serious bf no guy has ever taken me serious my longest relationship is like 2 weeks everyguy seems to either run away or cheat idk what I'm doing wrong it's been about a yr since I've had a bf nd it gets lonely because I have no friends or sisters and I haven't gotten laid! In a yr!!! I dont get it how I went to every guy looking at me to no one looking at me I feel like I have a curse or something and I feel like I'm about to crack! Nd valentines is coming and everyone around me always have a valentines and I've never had one in all my 20 yrs of living what can u do so a guy can notice me?

To be blunt,
You sound a bit shallow. And that is the way you may come across to people which is a bad start.

You used to get any guy you wanted , but none stayed more than two weeks. Then cheated ? You were in an exclusive relationship in two weeks?

The ones that didn't cheat;
What did they say when you broke up , or parted ways?

And you have no friends... why?
An attractive girl that can't have sex whenever she wants it is unheard of.
Turning 20 and gaining a few pounds will not stop males from trying to get with a girl.
Could you elaborate more on what's going on?

Ellybaby · Feb 4, 2011, 10:20 AM

Well I'll answer in a answer box what I want to say doesn't fit here lol

Ellybaby · Feb 4, 2011, 10:35 AM

Well when I meant ugly I meant guys that I'm not attracted too
Well yeah I would get any guy I wanted I guess cause I was such a flirt and I'll admit I'll show of my body too much
And I think I figured why no guy stayed around and I'm guessing cause I was such a slut sadly
When we would break up is either because I thought I liked them but when I was wit them I didn't so I'll change my mind and just break up or I would ignore them or get another boyfriend
And I have no friends cause there was a time where I was tired of betrayal fake people I had so much drama going on so that was the day I said I was cutting off my social life and I did and I decided I was going to work on myself and have no boyfriend and no sex but I mean I get lonely sometimes like I wanb know how that best friend feels Nd how having a real boyfriend feels
Well believe it or not I can't get laid since. I have no guy friends or no guy as the courage to talk to me and I changed my ways I'm not going to go around sleeping wit anyone I'm looking for a guy that's going to stick around like I'm not looking if he comes he comes but I mean I feel lonely well no one is trying to have sex wit me or trying to go out wit me and I feel I'm not good enough and I wonder should I have not changed? Because ever since I did there's no man in my life so I'm guessing it was the extra few pounds

Ellybaby · Feb 4, 2011, 11:11 AM

I was 17 at the time and he was 25 we never went out as boyfriend and girlfriend but he would tell me that one day we would he has came and gone out of my life for about three times and I have excepted him back those three time Like our relationship was weird because we never became official yeah we would have sex talk about getting together moving in together and having children but then you wouldn't hear from him for months and all of a sudden I see him again and I didn't complian at first till a few weeks later I was trying to make him a serious relationship but he would come up wit so many excuses but when I used to try to leave him he wouldn't let me and again one day to another we just stopped talking and a yr went by and we started talking again last November and he was all like I missed you I was always thinking about you I want to see you and this and that but this time I was different I told him if he wasn't Going to be serious wit me that he shouldn't tell me he loves me or promise me anything and he said OK so I mean if he doesn't love or wants to be wit me why does he say he does why all those false promises why does he keep coming bak to my life and leaving again how can I explain to him how I feel and how he makes me feel I can I fix this? And what does he want from me?

I wish · Feb 4, 2011, 11:11 AM

The first step is for you to be comfortable with your body. Until then, you will lack confidence when interacting with people.

Secondly, the more you interact with people, the more experience you gain. Looks might play a role in attracting another person, especially through the first impression, but personality is probably more important when you want something long term.

I think you had it right when you said that you feel the need to work on yourself. I suggest you continue to do so. Continue to build more self-esteem and confidence in yourself. But at the same time, continue meeting new people and interacting with others.

When something comes along, then deal with it then. But until then, there's no reason to rush into a relationship when you're not ready.

Cat1864 · Feb 4, 2011, 11:14 AM

Thank you for using the My Answer box. It is greatly appreciated.

I get the impression that you went from one extreme to the other. It is okay to flirt and have fun. Be yourself. Just take time to get to know the men you are interested in. Find out who they are and what they are interested in before you jump into a relationship or bed.

Look at the characteristics you are attracted by. Have they changed since you made changes in your life? If you and your preferences have changed, have you changed where you are meeting men?

As adviceishere mentioned, get involved in things that you enjoy.

Expand your horizons. Become comfortable with who you are. Meet new people who share your interests. Make new friends-male and female. If you meet someone you like who is available (not involved in a relationship), ask him out.

Stringer · Feb 4, 2011, 11:41 AM

I agree with most everything said in the prior posts. But I have to say that when you 'depend' on looks to get you what you want your missing the boat.

"Looks' will fade. Who you are will last you a lifetime and offer continued personal growth.

People have to learn to truly connect with others. Learn to honestly listen to them and be interested in others (even more than themselves sometimes).

People who like people have friends and relationships.

Strong concern about how we 'look' is something that we all go through in different degrees/stages in our lives. Your appearance is always important but shrinks compared to who you really are.

Stringer

bxrluv · Feb 4, 2011, 11:44 AM

He wants the free sex, girl! If you want a relationship-better kick him to the curb. He's not going to go there with you, or probably anyone for that matter. He'll say whatever it takes to have what time HE wants to have with you-he doesn't give a rip about what YOU want! Time to go after what you want and let this sweet-talker move along!
Sorry

Cat1864 · Feb 4, 2011, 11:52 AM

I think you already know the answer to the question of 'what does he want from me?' For two years+, you have been allowing yourself to be pulled in by his 'promises' and your hopes. Notice every time that you get serious, he runs. There isn't a relationship between the two of you beyond sex and games played by his rules.

From what you have written, you have taken the first step in fixing the issue. You told him the truth and now you have to follow through and not allow him to use you. You seem to be finding your self-respect. Don't give it to him just for an empty promise that has been broken so many times it shouldn't be able to hold any trust at all and sex.

Take care of yourself and let him and the past go. I think you have the probability of a great future if you allow yourself to go forward instead of looking back.

martinizing2 · Feb 4, 2011, 02:10 PM

Acting slutty and dressing to show does not attract the kind of guy you are looking for.
As was stated, when they want you for what you are inside , then you are attracting worthwhile people.

From your first post I had a good idea you were doing what you said you were. It is an attention getter, but not good for making true friends.

Don't worry about not getting any... it will change, and you are young and have time to find someone to share the sexual experiences with instead of "hit it and quit it"
It is much better to share and care.

I wish you well

liongal · Feb 5, 2011, 09:03 AM

[QUOTE=Ellybaby;2696249]why does he keep coming bak to my life and leaving again? Because you always allow him to!!!

How can I explain to him how I feel and how he makes me feel? By your actions! No free chat, just tell him what your looking for and if he cannot deliver after 2 yrs of nonesense, then walk away with no strings (if you know what I mean....) Find the man that is going to take your needs seriously.

southern_raised · Feb 20, 2011, 12:02 PM

No offense chick, but you sound needy. And teenage boys can spot a needy chick in a heartbeat. You sound like what most boys call an "easy kill" when they are too young and insecure to go after girls who know what they are all about.

that might be why when you were young you could get a boy. But they never stayed, because they did not want a girlfeind or a steady, they just saw you as easy, willing, and someone that they could all talk about being hot later, but most of all easy.

And now that your older, those same boys are still the same except on big difference. They have more confidence. So they have moved on to harder prey. And skinnier thighs.

Sounds like you need to do some soul searching and you won't find it while your worring about your weight and if you have a valentine. Run, do that and don't date, hook-up or flirt until you have found some respect for yourself and others. Stop being so average 14 year old and expecting people to follow suite.

and FYI = you feel ungly not because "ugly" people are coming to you, but because you think you're ugly to begin with. Having a nice body won't cover up the ugliness in your heart. It is only a distraction.

And according to you, you don't even have a good distraction. So why not work on your heart. Its a lot easier than trying to fit into a size 2 when you are a natural size 10.

mango99 · Feb 22, 2011, 06:45 AM

Go easy on the girl. She's asking for advice not insults.

Ellybaby · Feb 25, 2011, 02:15 AM

Well I'll try to make the story short well when I was in high school I fell in love for the first time wit my first boyfriend who ended up being the worst guy ever! He would humiliate me and so many other things well then I had the courage to end everything and I had a new boyfriend after and then he started coming around again so I ended up lossing my virginity to that jerk while I was going out wit some other guy but the jerk didn't noe I lost my virginity to him since my cherry was poped by getting fingered well the story is he all of a sudden came back to life we go to the same college and when I see him I get this chills and butterflys all over my body and he looks at me with that same look he has always seen me wit and a yr before this we would talk on my space and he confessed so Many things to me that I seriously started crying and so what I'm trying to figure out that all this yrs went by that I thought I was over and I feel I am but why do I still have this doubt? And some how I feel he his not over me but I mean how can I still speak to someone that hurt me sooo much when I was young? Is this all Just in my? Or should I do something about and go with what I'm feeling?

Ellybaby · Feb 25, 2011, 02:15 AM

Well I'll try to make the story short well when I was in high school I fell in love for the first time wit my first boyfriend who ended up being the worst guy ever! He would humiliate me and so many other things well then I had the courage to end everything and I had a new boyfriend after and then he started coming around again so I ended up lossing my virginity to that jerk while I was going out wit some other guy but the jerk didn't noe I lost my virginity to him since my cherry was poped by getting fingered well the story is he all of a sudden came back to life we go to the same college and when I see him I get this chills and butterflys all over my body and he looks at me with that same look he has always seen me wit and a yr before this we would talk on my space and he confessed so Many things to me that I seriously started crying and so what I'm trying to figure out that all this yrs went by that I thought I was over and I feel I am but why do I still have this doubt? And some how I feel he his not over me but I mean how can I still speak to someone that hurt me sooo much when I was young? Is this all Just in my? Or should I do something about and go with what I'm feeling?

Ellybaby · Feb 25, 2011, 02:27 AM

Well I'll try to make the story short well when I was in high school I fell in love for the first time wit my first boyfriend who ended up being the worst guy ever! He would humiliate me and so many other things well then I had the courage to end everything and I had a new boyfriend after and then he started coming around again so I ended up lossing my virginity to that jerk while I was going out wit some other guy but the jerk didn't noe I lost my virginity to him since my cherry was poped by getting fingered well the story is he all of a sudden came back to life we go to the same college and when I see him I get this chills and butterflys all over my body and he looks at me with that same look he has always seen me wit and a yr before this we would talk on my space and he confessed so Many things to me that I seriously started crying and so what I'm trying to figure out that all this yrs went by that I thought I was over and I feel I am but why do I still have this doubt? And some how I feel he his not over me but I mean how can I still speak to someone that hurt me sooo much when I was young? Is this all Just in my? Or should I do something about and go with what I'm feeling?

TheJester · Feb 25, 2011, 02:54 AM

He doesn't deserve you,he had his chance and he blew it,the feelings you are going through are normal.You will find someone that will care,love and adore you for who you are,try to focus on school and your future there's no need to be thinking of a guy that mentally destroyed you,You're better than that and you deserve so much more.He might not be over you,but men like that shouldn't get another chance I mean you wouldn't crawl back to someone that hit you would you?mental damage can be worse than physical damage,keep moving forward and find your true love he is closer than you think,go out have fun and grow as a person,for yourself and no one else.I hope this helps.
-Mike

Ellybaby · Feb 25, 2011, 04:21 AM

Well lately I been feeling lonely because I have no one to talk to and share my real feelings because my family criticizes too much with everything I do I have no friends I can trust and tell and because Ive had so many bad experiences and now I feel I can't trust no one but it would be nice to have some one to share my thoughts wit at a boyfriend at least and I really never felt love from family friends or a guy I haven't had that person that's stuck wit me and I see that everyone around me do and I sometimes just think to myself and think about everything I been threw and everything that is building up inside that I can't take it I feel like I need a new life new friends and so on I just feel emotionally torn apart by everyone around me everyone is just so fake and I was hoping some off you guys can give some advice to get rid of this emptiness and please don't be rude were here for advice not for someone to come make us feel worst! Well thanks!